Dealing with departure ...

Survival of the fittest.The evolutionary Darwin theory, which has become today's world philosophy to such extent that people cling to the idea of the need to be the strongest to live in this world. I beg to differ.Noelle was the bravest person I knew so how could she not survive? Was she that weak that she had to go so soon? It has been two years since I've been asking these questions to myself and never getting an answer.

Its funny how life is one thing in a moment and before you know,before you can even blink your eyes,life is already something else. Like a person,who was there with you the entire life vanishes in the gust of wind,just like that and guess what there is nothing you can do about it.

I always knew the fact that this world is never going to be fair but what I was never aware of was how a dream coming true can cost someone's life.Yes, Noelle was a dreamer.She dreamt to fly and live admist the sky.I still remember how her face lit up when she was accepted to the air school for the pilot training.I remember how she always had stories to tell everytime she came home.The stories of places, people,her adventures and discoveries.I will never forget the excitement in her voice when she called me before her first flight.I just wish I could have a bit of her enthusiasm and eagerness like she did. I wish I could smile for no reason and express gratitude everyday the way she did. Perhaps I could have the art of living like her.

How do you know that the last time is the last time???? I often think to myself ,if only I knew I would have done so much or said so much.For instance the last words Noelle said to me was "I am going to grab a sandwich" Isnt it so uncoventional? I mean arent the last words supposed to be somewhat more sentimental than a sandwich? But I guess like John Green says ' life is not a wish granting factory '.

You are never going to prepared for what is about to come.You will never know when an ordinary day will turn into your biggest day.I was at my regular job doing my usual job when the phone rang .I was never prepared for that phone call stating me about the plane crash Noelle had but maybe we never are. Shock, Pain ,Grief , Sadness?? There are so many emotions I could have felt but what I realized that day was ** Denial is body's defence natural mechanism** .Part of me knew that I was never going to get her back but my mind decided not to come to reality and see that she is actually dead.If only I could stay in denial forever!!Alas,we cannot change the truth, we cannot mend what has already happened.Its often the nightmares that becomes real but world just keeps moving on no matter how hard yours fall apart and you have to keep up .

We try so hard to be safe. We put fences,guard the doors, we use seatbelts and helmets ,we walk on footpaths and zebra crossings but when the things are bound to happen, none of it makes a damn difference.Maybe that was what Noelle was trying to teach me all along-to live in the moment , to be grateful for whatever you have today,to follow your dreams and never look back. We should celebrate the fact that we have a beating heart and time in our hands. It is a gift that we are standing and breathing. Some people are just not lucky enough to get that gift or like some people say they are more lucky to get greater beyond.Whatever it is I find peace knowing Noelle died following her passion so everytime I am lost I ask myself the Steve Job question "If today was last day of your life would you still want to do what you're about to do?" WOULD YOU??????