Very beautiful man. I am glad that you decided to love yourself, and this is a really difficult thing for a lot of people. I am still learning self love, although my messy spots have always been a bit different from these. I do have a friend who is struggling with the same thing so I will send this her way.
We all have our own journey and I believe we all get where we're going when we need to be there. If any of my experiences can help, she's welcome to them. Much love.