Read your story, I've definitely had the same thoughts and questions. I've got a couple of questions: what kind of church were you in? did you ask anyone worth asking about these issues you have?

I think it's important to remember that it's easy to judge any "religion" by it's followers. I believe it's really easy to see what's wrong, the hypocritical-ness, or errors of it's believers.

Ghandi said (i'll paraphrase) something along the lines of "I like your Christ, I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ"

For me, as a Christian, that says we as followers are missing something.

Personally, I think people get swept up in new fads, spiritualism, etc... which to me is soooooooo odd. What's wrong with what Jesus taught? Love God with all your mind body soul and strength and love your neighbor as yourself.

We don't have to understand everything completely...and on the philosophical level...we never will. Enter Faith.

I encourage you to be patient and be yourself. Do what you think you need to do. I know deep down that He's with you always:-)

Take good care.