Though there are many options to evaluate the measure of a man such as honesty, wisdom, capacity for love, and such, I think one of my favorites is the ability to delay gratification. In a sense, that one gives you all the others.
How does he please his lover? Urgently taking what he wants without regard to her desire or patiently exalting in her slow, intentional blooming? How does he invest and plan for the future? How much debt is he in, wanting something now and using “monthly payment” math to get it, oblivious to compounding interest working against him, keeping him paycheck to paycheck? Where is his discipline to learn a new skill or become excellent in a trade? Is her persistent enough to build anything such as a business, marriage. or family, especially through the really difficult times? How easily can he be triggered, demanding like a child to be immediately seen, heard, and vindicated for such unrighteous mistreatment? Watch him around his kids, if he has any. Do they trigger him, the little wisdom trainers that they are, or can he breathe through it and bring his human adulthood to the situation?
You’re probably familiar with the famous marshmallow test and how it correlates to future success in life. Do you think it points to willpower which implies some level of choice or free will? Do you think it points to an abundance mindset where the universe has your best interests in mind and works towards them in partnership with you or do you think in a scarcity mindset where the offerings of this moment and this moment only are all you will ever have and hope is the privilege of naïve idiots and fools?
How strong is your loss aversion? Do you avoid risk, ignoring how it is a prerequisite for the rewards you seek? How willing are you to try, fail, and fail again, over and over but never repeating the same mistakes and always learning along the way? Do you avoid pain, even if it’s required for the growth you want?
The ability to delay gratification holds as an axiom that hope is real and important.
“Hope is a good thing, maybe the best of things, and no good thing ever dies.” — Andy Dufresne, Shawshank Redemption
Not everyone sees the world this way. Some are stuck in stories resulting only in fear.
“Hope is a dangerous thing. Hope can drive a man insane.” — Red, Shawshank Redemption
Is your life an example of hope in a universe that is blessing its conscious children with love or is your life a warning to all who choose to live in fear and avoidance?
“Get busy living or get busy dying.” — Andy Dufresne, Shawshank Redemption
I’m not interested in those with an entitlement attitude who want good things in life but are unwilling to sacrifice the required time, effort, and attention to obtain them. Yes, they may have stories that tell them delay isn’t safe.
They are just stories.
If choice is a thing at all, it seems to be the capacity to choose which story, moment by moment, we want to believe.
I hope you choose a story of abundance, properly delayed until it’s a blessing to you and not a curse.
Hmmmm! This is thought provoking. Life is all about failing and failing. And then starting over and hoping that we don't fail again. If a delay is going to become a blessing to me tomorrow then I had rather delay.