Hey Dan,
I truly love your openness in this post! I think the problem is that many people are NOT open in this way about their faith. We are told as believers that we are not allowed to question God or the church, and it is something I do constantly. I too was raised in a Christian environment and church life (and even was in a Christian Reformed school for many years). The people in my school all were very into predestination and they believed therefore that God somehow chose them to go to heaven so they would get away with all sorts of things while mocking me because I was not baptized as a baby (I was dedicated). They told me I was going to go to hell.

You talked about how the Bible mentioned that even those who don't hear about God can find him (the rocks cry out and all that). The interesting part of my story is that even though I question loads of things in my faith, I have never questioned God being real or Jesus being real simply because I was actually partially deaf as a child with a speech issue to follow it. . .and Jesus seriously came to me in a dream and healed me and I woke up able to hear and speak as if I were completely normal which made everyone go insane because it was impossible (I was going to need a hearing aide and sign language because of how bad it was). I therefore have no doubt about that.

I totally think that God can indeed reveal Himself in nature. I feel most peace while outside. I feel tormented otherwise at times (probably because the silence kills me and I love hearing birds, water, the sound of the wind blowing objects and leaves around, etc).

As for the Word of God being infallible. . .I am one who believes in the Hebrew scriptures while the New Testament books I don't believe to be "holy scriptures" I honestly will believe in Jesus' teachings but I will not do everything that Paul states or Peter or John, simply because while they all had God's Spirit moving through them, as I believe I have, we all definitely make human mistakes. My ideas on God have changed over time. My ideas on life have changed over time. I have seen Paul's own letters do that. . .I see how he grew in time and understood things differently than he did once before. Therefore I will quote things we know Jesus said since I truly believe he was the Son of God (though I don't believe he IS God, which is something that causes people to have a hard time with me since I am not trinitarian as I believe Jesus separated himself constantly from His Father). That alone would make people to think that I am not a Christian.

I believe very much in the Acts 2 church. The early Christians did sometimes go to the temple to learn of God's word, but they did not have one preacher to tell them how to live. They had discussions. They shared all their belongings. They were without need. They had elders who would be helpful, but not ONE pastor or anything who didn't listen to what they had to say. Jesus was their "priest" to intercede for them. He left them the Holy Spirit who he said was better to be with them on earth than him being on earth. They were nothing like what was established in the third century, creating a bit of the church as we now know it. I honestly am not very for church. I like the idea of people who are believers gathering together to talk and hear one another out, then to go out to hang out and learn of others and to share the love of Christ that was once shown to them. I don't see "Christians" today going out living in doing what Jesus said they are to do (visit the sick, help the oppressed, visit prisoners, give our tunics to people, walk and extra mile with someone, etc....) I just see a bunch of selfish people who look down on me.

I have had friends stop being my friend simply because I disagreed with them on what the Bible stated. . .When I asked them to simply discuss our difference and to love one another through it, they couldn't deal with it and called me an unbeliever. It really hurt. You'd think they wouldn't give up on me if I were an unbeliever. So yeah. . .I actually truly get your post. I see your point. It makes sense to me so much. It is so sad how Christians act today all prideful like Pharisees instead of humble like Jesus.