Attachment is understood as a bond, a very strong affective bond that determines the development of the personality, the way of relating to others, with everything that surrounds us and even in how we see life. However, sticking has a drawback and is that nothing of ours.

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Certain type of attachment is necessary. It would be one that requires a stable figure in the first years of life for a correct cognitive and emotional development later. On the contrary, insecure attachment is that which fills us with anxiety and fear in front of the object or person for whom we feel it. In fact, all relationships have a certain attachment component, although not all types are healthy.

And is that some of our relationships can cause us anxiety at the prospect of losing them. To avoid this, we have to remember that whatever life has given us, it is just a loan. Thank you is the first step to have a secure attachment with the people around us. The same goes for work, vacations and any present situation.

"Thanks to your whole being all that life presents to you, after all it is what you harvested."

Nothing is yours: life gives it to you

Having relationships in which we feel safe is not a gift, but an art that demands will and practice. When a relationship is maintained only by habit, and there are no other reasons that give meaning and transcendence, we would be facing an insecure attachment. The ideal for our mental hygiene would be to end this situation.

If we do not learn to let go, if we do not let go, the consequences will be very negative. If the attachment can more than us and we stay tied, stuck to our dreams, fantasies and illusions, the suffering will grow without stopping and our sadness will be our companion route. Buddha, in one of his famous quotes, pointed out that the origin of suffering is precisely in attachment.

"Nothing is yours completely, life lends it to you, it gives it to you so that you learn to enjoy it and also to say goodbye."

However, not all attachments are bad, there are some that are necessary and useful. A secure attachment is based on knowing how to enjoy what we have at this moment, without needing to continue on our side to be well. If we look at what is causing us suffering with a new simplicity, we will understand that it is not that object that causes us pain, but the way in which we cling to it.

Our problem with attachment is because we perceive things as permanent entities. In the effort to achieve our objectives we use aggression and competition as supposedly effective tools, and we destroy ourselves more and more during the process. Hence, to avoid it, it is necessary for you to understand that nothing is permanent, but that life lends it to you.

"People are as beautiful as sunsets, if they are allowed to be. Actually, maybe the reason we truly appreciate a sunset is because we can not control it. "

-Carl Rogers-

Dependence on independence

Our cultural context invites us to live depending on other people: parents, children, sentimental couples ... Since they were little they have instilled in us the idea of

romantic love, that in which the members of the couple can not and should not live apart from each other. However, the dependence on romantic relationships is highly harmful, leading us to be totally emotionally incapable.

Dependence, like any other construct, is neither good nor bad in itself. To some degree, it is always present in our lives. It is something that we should all admit in front of the world and in front of ourselves, since it would lead us to recognize and acquire more healthy relationship styles with others.

Currently, there is a tendency to consider dependence with some contempt, as if it were a sign of weakness. But if we stop to think, almost all aspects of our life are the result of the efforts of others. Our precious and magnificent independence can be more an illusion or a fantasy than a tangible fact. To enjoy a happy life, we need friends, good health and material goods; Interestingly, areas in which we depend on others.

Our need for others is paradoxical. At the same time that in our culture we exalt the fiercest independence, we also long for intimacy and connection with a special and beloved person. The secret, therefore, is to love but not need, so remember: nothing is yours, life lends it to you, start enjoying what you have.

"In our crazy attempts, we renounce what we are for what we want to be."

-William Shakespeare-

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