Sometimes we need little to lose the papers and anger to make theirs. We may feel extremely tired and we are more irritable than usual, a bad comment may take us out of our boxes or we may simply be overwhelmed by anything.
In these moments the anger takes advantage of us and invades us. We can not handle our anger and we attack everything that moves although it has nothing to do with the reason for our anger.
These situations consume us and gag us, making us behave in an aggressive, irresponsible and sometimes even cruel way. After the storm we can feel very embarrassed and bewildered, and the inability to recognize ourselves can consume us.
However, although we believe that it is impossible to manage our emotions in those moments, there are alternatives to control our anger. Next we will see some ...
How can we control our anger?
The premise that we must start from is that getting carried away by anger is not good. That is, the fact that it is normal to get angry and even feel angry on occasion must be differentiated from the possibility of not knowing and managing our anger.
It should also be noted that while anger is a healthy negative emotion, the uncontrolled, disproportionate and insane version of this is anger. Therefore, our intention will always be to not allow anger to grow and give way to anger. How can we get it?
1. Recognizing the causes of anger
Everyone should explore and become aware of what are the things that annoy, bother and contribute to generate discomfort, feelings of injustice, inequity, etc. Anger is always the product of our interpretation of what makes us angry.
2. Realizing the physical signs that warn
Although we must bear in mind that each one is a world, the usual thing is that when we begin to feel angry and upset our heart accelerates, we feel like our insides shrink and we begin to notice heat and great internal nervousness.
As we have already mentioned, the anger can range from mild irritation to intense fury or anger. Therefore, the belief that it is better to get out of anger than to keep it inside is totally false. If we can identify the first symptoms, we can cut them off before they get out of control.
To achieve this, it is necessary to learn certain relaxation exercises such as interrupting our thoughts or controlling our breathing (breathing with a rhythm of 2 or 3 seconds of inspiration and 2 or 3 of expiration to return to normal). We can also listen to music, exercise, watch television, imagine something relaxing, etc.
3. Examining our thoughts
We may feel that our thoughts become cloudy and accumulate frustrating the organizational attempts of our mind ... That is why it is important that we recognize what kind of thoughts we have to face in situations of anger:
- Hot thoughts are those that come to mind before, during and after and that make us feel worse. It would be something like How stupid! He's laughing at me! I hate this place! You'll find out!
- Errors in our way of thinking: sometimes we tend to take things as something personal, to ignore the positive, to be too perfectionist or to see everything as black or white.
In this sense we have to advocate for our thoughts to be more balanced so that "it always leaves me lying" becomes "sometimes it does not behave as it should, but others do". We can make a comparative list and use it when we need it.
4. Controlling our aggressive behavior
If we manage to manage our thoughts well and the physical symptoms of anger, we will not reach aggressive behavior. However, it is likely that at some point we will arrive, so we have to learn to manage it. How? Through three steps:
- First step. Identify what each aggressive behavior consists of, what happens before and what happens next. It is advisable to keep a journal about this.
- Second step. Make a list of alternative behavior alternatives to the aggressive. You can leave or leave the situation until you feel calm, breathe deeply, try to understand the intention of others, etc.
- Third step. Put that behavior into practice the next time you feel violent or violent.
5. Solving your problems and trying to rest properly
The lack of rest and the excess of worries can generate an unusual predisposition to irascibility and angry behavior. That is why it is important that we address these situations, value them and not postpone their resolution.
6. Communicating properly
Sometimes we take things too personally and, as a result, we jump to conclusions about the intentions of others. In this sense, it is important that we improve our social communication and put the following tips into practice:
- It is important to stop and listen to the other person.
- We should not jump to conclusions. If something sounds offensive we should ask the person to explain it, but we should not counterattack.
- We have to try to understand the feelings of others, usually this underlies what the person does or says. Remember that there is no invalid feeling and that we can probably avoid many arguments.
- We should try to express how we feel instead of pronouncing unpleasant words.
If we take care of all these aspects and the image we maintain of ourselves, we are likely to be less susceptible and sensitive to letting ourselves be carried away by disproportionate anger.
“Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret.”
― Ambrose Bierce
This is my favorite quote and I follow it always when my temper is trying to take control.
If when we are angry we say words that we do not have to say and we end up hurting our partner or family member.
and in a matter of half an hour we are sorry for what we have done ..
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