if you want to know more about God, I suggest reading the Bible. That's the best place to start. I don't want to start a controversy but i had a lot of questions about the existence of God when I arrived for my first semester of college. I rejected the church, God and everything He stood for because i thought he had taken my friend from this earth. His name was Simon and he died the summer before that semester. I blamed myself, i blamed God and I blamed him. I never really got over that feeling of guilt; that feeling that i could have done something to keep him from dying. That year I experienced a life without God in it. It was one of the loneliest, and darkest places I have ever been. I tried to fill that void in my heart with anything i could. I tried sex, alcohol, I even tried to get through it with my writing but nothing worked. I felt like there was no point anymore. So I considered suicide. Every day i woke up and thought about how easy it would be to just end everything. I wouldn't feel that horrible feeling anymore ...I wouldn't feel empty. But i couldn't leave my family like that. It was a struggle to get out of bed in the morning, a struggle to eat, sleep and the simplest things felt like a chore. It felt like nothing...empty, and what was worse, it looked like nothing. No one knew how much i was suffering but then someone did. On what was supposed to be my last night on earth, i made a friend. And just like that, there was hope. That friend encouraged me to go back to church. And that hole, was filled by this light. of course it wasn't instant and it took me fighting with everything in me but eventually the guilt lifted and i could breathe again. I could feel the sun and the wind. Before, it was like they were there but i couldn't reach through the darkness. I couldn't feel them. I never knew how lucky i was that my friend came into my life but if he hadn't i wouldn't be here today. I believe God was responsible for that. If you don't, that 's okay but this is me.