"Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls; the most massive characters are seared with scars." Kahlil Gibran
You are, I think, intended to be a massive character. Gibran says that takes scars. Painful and bothersome, but necessary.
Would that there were words I could give you. I don't think there are.
What I can give you is support. You know where to find me if you feel the need.
Thanks for the look inside. It's always important to see the inside.