Why is Nostalgia Painful?

                                                 

I am known for being a very nostalgic person -  I can barely throw clothes away without getting emotional. A while ago, the preciousness of time came to my realisation in my last school year (this year was also particularly good as it was after quite a dark period). Just to give you an idea of what it consisted of: I completely fell for someone; I gained confidence in myself and had some of the happiest, funniest times in my life. When this year came to an end however, I was distraught. All my friends were moving on to different places and what hurt me the most was that I couldn't remember all the inside jokes or the fun times is class and all I wanted to do was replay the whole year again. 

At that point I decided I wanted to write down everything that happened in my day, so that I could look back on the good times and effectively "replay the year" when I wanted to. Although this is something I do not regret in the slightest (and still do to this day), when I read back on the exact dates from so many year ago year ago, despite laughing back at those great times, it does pull on my heart strings just a little bit. 

We all know nostalgia brings us this peculiar mix of joy and sadness at the same time, but why? Why when we  always look forward to the future rarely wanting to be in the present moment do we long for those times in the past, when previously we've just wanted to escape from them?

I've read that nostalgia comes from the fact that when we reflect on the past we tend to block out the negative times and mainly remember the positive, but I think it's more than that. I've come to this conclusion because for the first time in a long time I don't want to go back. I am perfectly content with the time I am in right now not because it is perfect or because I've made  exciting plans for myself, but because I have realised when you are nostalgic over a place or a person or a time in your life, you're missing something that you're not allowing yourself to have right now. For example, when I am nostalgic over the relationships I used to have, it's not the people I want back, (surely there's a reason why they're no longer in my life) it's whatever they provided for me that I want back. 

Relationships are the core of human life in my opinion. They are the most important because people give you love and support and validation, which we all crave. But when people who once gave us these things when we've needed them most leave us, we miss them and the times that we spent with them. I'm aware that's a very blatant point I just made, but what I'm trying to say is we need to, in order to look back on the past fondly rather than yearn for it, is to provide what we depended on others for from within. 

The past few months I've gone through a great transition period and I've learned that I can in fact give myself love and support and validation and with this I've been in a more present mindset and am no longer living in that year I so desperately wanted to return to.  Life continues to be precious regardless of what we are doing or what we have and if you are too living in the past you need to realise this. One day you are going to be looking back at this time in your life and wishing you could go back because of the things you have at this very moment that you aren't going to have in the future. 

In conclusion, to not feel so much pain when looking back at old times, you need be grateful for the blessings you have at this very moment because you could lose anything at any time. You must also always be there for yourself regardless of whether you're alone or not and love yourself unconditionally because, guaranteed, what you will have for the rest of your life is you.