Filipinos - Are we too nice or just good at pretending?

Written by: Ely S.

Filipinos are known to be one of the most friendliest people in the world. If you asked any foreigner who's visiting for the first time, they'll tell you that "Filipinos are so nice!" And for the most part this is true. But this is not always the case. In fact things may not always be what they seem. I know this sounds a bit controversial but hear me out.. I don't mean to offend anyone, I'm simply being transparent about my observations. This is purely my opinion.

Being born here while raised in a western country, I get to experience the best and worst of both worlds and see the situation objectively as an observer, while not being emotionally attached to the subject. 

Generally, Filipinos (in the Philippines) are nice people. Some might even argue that the very reason we were colonized and occupied by so many other nations in recent history was because we were too nice.

Our country, between the time of its discovery from the early 1500s and mid 1900s were occupied by the Spanish, British, Dutch, Americans and Japanese.

I believe we are nice because of our upbringing, our culture and perhaps because of our deep rooted fear of being criticized if we weren't. In many instances speaking our mind is considered rude or offensive. We default to being nice even in situations when it's against our belief. When our core values are challenged, we pretend to accept and settle, then we speak unfavorably in bitterness afterwards. I've seen this happen so many times in personal and professional situations.

Now this might sound good from a superficial level (because after all, whats wrong with defaulting to being nice right?) but in reality all it does is encourage a culture of pretentiousness and deceitfulness. Being nice when it comes from a place of dishonesty is NOT nice.

Consider a situation when you see somebody being overly nice and accommodating to a foreigner but almost instantly become hostile and unsympathetic to a local Filipino under the exact same circumstances. Now would you consider this a good thing? Often when we personally experience "nice", it is difficult to question its genuineness or authenticity because we want to believe that it is. 

Next time we interact with people, lets ask ourselves, are we being nice because it seems like "the right thing to do" or because we feel genuinely empathetic and compassionate towards that person. I don't believe there's anything wrong with speaking your mind and acting accordingly as long as it is the truth. Doing the right thing is always the right thing and the truth is always right even if it doesn't seem nice.

How do we learn to understand the concept of "being nice" as more than just a personality trait but more towards an attribute of character? It's shouldn't be something we can switch on and off.

My intent here is not to pinpoint or criticize character flaws, it is simply to open up a discussion about what people think about this subject because nobody really talks about it. I find it fascinating and would love to hear what you guys think.

Are we nice people or are we just good at pretending? What do you think? What are your experiences with regards to this? Do you agree/disagree?

Would love to hear your thoughts :)