Returning to the Writing World: A Personal Journey

Jeremy has resuscitated! Yes, it has been a while since I actively posted here or published poems, so I wanted to talk about the past few years and the upcoming future.

Disconnection and Burnout

Around late 2019 and early 2020, I reached a breaking point. Everything happened at once: break-up, thesis, new job, the pandemic. It was a lot of change in a short period of time.

The amount of time I used to spend writing, editing and submitting my poems was no longer feasible and was taken an emotional and physical toll. This was exacerbated by the topic of my poems, which pertained to exploring traumatic events and my self-identity, both as queer and autistic. I reached a point where I shut down and no words could flow without breaking me.

Inevitably, I had to take a break. I was not ready to share that with the world, except in small glimpses. As I have rekindled my connection with writing, here I am again.

What Have I Been Up to?

One of my biggest achievements is I have found a job that I am happy doing, and have been doing for over 3 years. It’s been a continuous sense of pride, particularly when I published an article, The Disparity of Paid Sick Leave Entitlement, on our biggest local newspaper.

My outlet for creativity was substituted to Youtube content creation. My channel, which primarily revolves around gameplay of monster-taming games, has amassed over 100,000 views and has 400 subscribers. This is a huge achievement as I have grown so much along the way, particularly with becoming more confident when speaking (which helps me in real life too), and having learnt an incredible amount about video editing and visually appealing thumbnails.

Meanwhile, I still continued to write poetry here and there, despite rarely publishing anything publicly. Part of the challenge is directing the writing as a source of therapy, and spending much less time researching literary magazines who will take 6 months for a <1% acceptance rate for no pay. And I don’t say this as an attack to journals; editors spend a lot of time and resources to make poetry as accessible as they can, and are often underfunded themselves. That said, the submission process is more harmful to me, than it could provide benefits.

Why Am I Back?

Since I have not published much of anything, my visibility has died out. The biggest drawback from that is the connection I had with other writers and editors, which I do miss. The interaction on social media has become too superficial, and I miss any form of genuine connection.

For that reason, I thought I will start writing posts, like this one, to keep people updated. To hold myself accountable. But mostly, to be human. I want to expose my human self and be vulnerable. I don’t care about the being published or getting recognition (although that is always a positive feeling). Because of my stories, I am sure I will be able to connect with at least one reader and make an impact in their life, and that will be enough for me.

What’s Next?

That doesn’t mean I will stop attempting to get published. This year, two of my poems will be published in Kitba Queer’s anthology. This is one of my most rewarding contributions as it I will be part of the local queer poetry, especially during the year that Europride will occur in Malta!

Moreover, I have multiple manuscripts that are almost finished and could be submitted at any point. Due to my experiences in the past, I will be more inclined to self-publish. I don’t need to burnout myself by fitting in other people’s rules; instead, I will carve my own path. And that’s the right choice for me, because I do not need my writing to be my career, it is a passion that I like doing. I will be able to tell my stories of queer love, finding my autistic identity, surviving trauma, at my own pace and liking.

I thank everyone who has supported in my life, particularly my friends, and those few people who have missed our connection and reached out when they felt I was missing. It was not expected of you to do so, but you did, and that is greatly appreciated!