Here is a post about some real shit that I don’t really talk about.

I committed my life to the sport of wrestling whole heartedly from the age of 13 - 19. I never saw myself stopping wrestling, I loved it, i felt like it made me who I am and that I was a wrestler. Long story short, I got arrested while in my botany lab and kicked out of Cal Poly where I was wrestling. My whole life and passion was taken from me in the blink of an eye. I wasn’t really sure what I was going to do with my life now that I didn’t have wrestling. I thought I could maybe wrestle somewhere else, but couldn't see that path anymore. I felt like everyone was upset with me for fucking up my opportunity. I didn't want to go out and see people for fear of explaining what happened and fear of being judged. I had friends literally decide to stop being my friend because I fucked up an opportunity. As If I wasn't already beating myself up enough. I still have people tell me that I fucked up an opportunity to this day. The universe/god/my intuition had warned me that I needed to stop what I was doing, but I didn’t listen so I learned the hard way. It’s funny because I remember going to Wakarusa for my first time the summer before and it completely changed my life. I had my awakening experience. I felt like I was doing everything I wanted in life and I was on the right path. I felt exctatic about how my life was going and where it was going (wrestling at Cal Poly). It’s funny how the the universe or god laughs at your plans and will send you in a completely different direction than you thought you wanted to go.

Getting kicked out of school was a major transitional phase for me and I needed to figure out what I love doing in life other than wrestling. I figured out my three main passions are fitness, music, and plants. I started doing Brazilian Jiu Jitsu which helped so much and brought so much joy to my life. It was the perfect transition from wrestling. Huge thanks and much love to Josh Mancuso for everything you do JM Modern Jiu Jitsu!

I lived in Lawrence, Kansas for a month and received much love and guidance from my friends there. I love you so much Alice Steuerwald and Suni Upshaw! y'all are angels. also gotta give a shout out to Mel and Anne even though they don't have Facebook. I went to Wakarusa from there on my motorcycle and that was when the naked tree wook emerged. The feelings I was having throughout that experience are so inexplicable. I felt like I could do anything in the world, which can be a fleeting feeling. I felt one with the universe or the tao. I picked up a cute lil puppy named Timmy on my way home and she rode in my jacket all the way home to Louisiana. She changed my life so much and I miss her so much, I love you Timmy wherever you are! (I lost her after a year :() My girlfriend and I broke up around the same time I lost my dog. (2 years ago) That was when I decided I needed to learn to love solitude and love myself if I was going to be truly happy.

I went to my first Permaculture Action course that summer with the homie David Barry and met Ryan Rising and this whole family of like minded individuals which completely changed my life. Permaculture is a way of life that I intend on living the rest of my life and I'm so grateful for y'all and Permaculture Action Network! After the summer, I reluctantly went to Baton Rouge Community College and decided to study things I was actually interested in, Botany and Audio Engineering. That went pretty well but I'm not exactly sure if modern education is for me. Its this one big umbrella that everyone is supposed to fit under and I feel like a lot of people in college are there because other people want them to be; whether its their parents, money or society as a whole. Throughout those two years at BRCC I went to a lot of festivals volunteering, interning, and facilitating permaculture action courses. Festivals are definitely part of what I want to do with my life.

However, at times I still experience remorse for my past and it interferes with my present moment. I experienced remorse even at the jiu jitsu gym. One of the coaches who I knew since my wrestling days would always slide in little comments here and there. "He chose Coachella over us" "you can't wrestle like you used to" etc. That shit fucked with me but it didn't knock me down. On a side note, none of us choose our skin color or our parent's occupations so let's quit treating each other differently or shaming each other for that shit. My friend Lucius Scarce worded it beautifully "Don't be in fear of others opinions about you. Because if you are in fear this means that it has affected your perception which will affect your reflection. Just accept the fear for what it really is, unbecoming beautiful. You're wonderful, you're precious, you're fierce. Become the charm, brace it, and express total reflection." Thanks for that!

Everything I've learned these past 5 years has helped me to understand that true, lasting happiness doesn't come from anything external or any material. Happiness comes from you, your mind state, doing what you love and most importantly, loving yourself. Remember that everything happens for a reason and there’s is a bigger picture and a larger purpose.

YOU CAN BE HAPPY AND DESERVE HAPPINESS NO MATTER WHAT HAS HAPPENED, IS HAPPENING OR WILL HAPPEN.

I would like to show love and thanks to everyone that helped me along the way and I just want y'all to know that even though I may not contact you everyday I love you so so much.

I'm happy doing what I'm doing now, creating art and music everyday and being surround by artists. Doing different permaculture projects at home and around the country with Permaculture Action Network. Doing yoga everyday since I can't do Jiu Jitsu or much else because I need to get surgery for a torn labrum in my shoulder. Also being a part of the amazing traveling festival family that I see all around the country, I LOVE YOU!

I'm still figuring it out and we're all just learning, no one knows everything about how to do this thing called life!