We don't have a telly. Got rid of the damn thing years ago, because I was fed up of bald liverspot-champion and illuminati weasle-faced scumbag Rupert Murdoch deciding what I was going to watch when.
Since my little girl was born, nearly four years ago, all I've done is overuse my netflix subscription (with the handy Express-VPN of course) and binge at night on box sets of Smashing Bad, Sons of a Nurky and my current favourite Oh Zarks.
However in a true moment of realisation that I had indeed become just like my own somewhat judgmental, and completely luddite-esque father, I have watched, both awestruck and somewhat disturbed at the fact that a three year old can figure out her way around the Ipad, and even occasionally says "no Daddy, My Little Pony isn't on American, you'll have to turn off the VPN". Smart little cookie she is.
This is her.... breaking my nose during a selfie....
Not only this, but she's a dab hand with the old YouTube as well, and despite only just being at the age where she is realising that letters spell words, she can figure out how to get to a great range of videos of really annoying adults playing with sodding Peppa Pig toys for three quarters of an hour.
But now something even worse has occured. She has entered the realm of WATCHING THE SAME FUCKING THING OVER AND OVER AND OVER AGAIN.
Don't get me wrong. I think the Minions are brilliant. The movie is great, and even worth watching a few times. But for the last week or so it's been five or six times a day. At least. And then she wants to take it to bed with her.
I'm actually starting to hate the little bastards. It's even put me off bananas. And people with Jaundice. And I'm sure I'm not the only parent who has the same problem.
Therefore I would like to announce that I will be developing a new app especially with parents in mind. It's called "BREAK MY IPAD" and it will allow you to remotely make the Ipad stop working altogether.
The app will be free with a premium version which emits a high frequency anti-child tone that hurts their ears. I will be taking pre-orders, and they come with a brilliant free gift, the "Rod for your own Back" which I will ship with every order to anyone who has well-meaning siblings who don't actually have kids themselves, but seem to know how best to bring one up despite not having a bastard clue what Paw patrol is.
Parents of the world, I am doing this for you.....!!!!
When my son was little, it was Babe. Over, and over, and over.
That'll do, pig. That'll do.
Oh god, just for a change......Id love that. Well for a day or so anyway.
Aahh, happy memories.
For me with my son it was Thunderbirds over and over again on VHS video generally starting about 5am. I knew the script off by heart!
Of course I tried to get him interested in watching Transworld Sports instead -
Anyone remember that ? It was just about the only thing to watch on TV at that time in those days. Lots of American sports that I didn't understand but anything was better than Thunderbirds again.
I used to moan to everyone who would listen (which was absolutely no one at 5am) but truth is I secretly loved it because it meant I was spending one-on-one time with my little boy (and the Tracy family).
And now, 25 years later, it's just a happy memory .
Given a quarter of a century perhaps even the Minions will be remembered fondly?
Thanks for the reminder and the opportunity to wallow in nostalgia for a little while.
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Nice post. From me upvote.
Thank you very much.
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I feel your pain. I've had to endure back to back episodes of 'The adventures of Iron Man'. Thanks for that Netflix. Get that app working now haha!
My son is too old now, but for him it was WALL-E. He burned out the DVD which he cried for me to get it fixed. It was the last thing that Blockbuster did for me before it went kaput.
Hey!
Love how you do things :))
Would you try to use "F%&%$&G" next time? :))
Cheers!
It is interesting how young children don't seem to care for suspense. They love stories or movies where they will know what will happen next.