My Opinion

Do We Do Things Because We Think They Are Right, or Because We Believe They Are the Right
Thing to Do?
I remember being taught how to think in a logical way, and I remember hearing people criticize others for being manipulators. I’ve been called a manipulator too, but honestly, I don’t really know what defines that. Trust is a difficult thing to handle or manage. I mean, you have a reputation to uphold, and there are several social groups where I find myself changing the way I act.

Relatively recently, though, I’ve been trying to unify them all and be one singular person. I know it’s normal to act differently in a family setting than in a friend group, but I find it tiring and fake to a certain extent. I try to do the best I can, and it’s hard to know what’s best. I’m thankful I have a very open-minded family that would accept me no matter what I choose.

The thing is, I don’t know what to choose. I do believe that thanks to the place I grew up in, I’ve been given a lot of freedom to make mistakes and think on my own—but I also learned to listen and try to make people feel better.

I’m the middle child in a family of five siblings, and they usually say the middle child is the most invisible. I joke about that, but I know I’m not invisible.

I remember as a kid saying things or going overboard with pranks—not heavy pranks that could hurt someone, but saying or doing stupid things, or walking the line of lying and then saying “I’m just joking.” When I was doing that too much, that’s when I was sat down and talked to (again, this is what I mean by freedom). I wasn’t yelled at for doing that, but rather talked to like a person. I was told the story of The Boy Who Cried Wolf and how, when I say something to grab attention and then say “just joking,” it makes it so that when I say something that seems important later, it won’t be believed.

I was also walked through the logic of how that could become dangerous if something serious ever happened and people didn’t take me seriously. I remember that moment, and I really appreciate how I was spoken to.

Another thing this reminds me of is when I was taught how empathy works. Everybody is born with a certain sensitivity to empathy and lives with it, feeling it—but having it explained is a very good way to understand it better. It’s like, if I see someone who needs help, to put myself in their place and help in the best way I see fit.

I was also given the example of a toy teddy bear with a pull string. If I go through life not caring about anyone and just say what they want to hear, it doesn’t mean anything. It’s like the other person pulling a string and hearing “I love you.” They’re the right words—but they’re robotic. They don’t mean anything. They have no feeling.

I’ve expanded in other posts about how we don’t always mean what we say. What we really want is to express an idea and have other people understand it. Miscommunication is the root of all problems, I feel—and you can apply that to any scenario. I could read a post and understand every word the person says, but if I want to explain what I understood to a third person, it might be completely off from what the original writer meant.

It depends on the person’s reading, life experiences, and state of mind while doing so. I could read this post (if I hadn’t written it) in the morning, right after waking up, and understand one thing—or read it in the evening after food and coffee and understand something completely different.

I believe every person has free will, and to manipulate is to take advantage of another person without them realizing it, in order to boost your own agenda or goal. That’s completely different from going to someone with full transparency and having them choose to be on board with your idea.

Actions speak louder than words—but even then, actions can deceive too. I’ve listened to the book The 48 Laws of Power several times, and I find it interesting. But then again, it’s full of deception while calling it power. I don’t know if that’s real power, or if it’s just a guide to controlling people’s perspective.

The other day, I went out for some coffee with an elderly couple I met when I used to work at a restaurant—Silvia and Ruben—and we talked for over two hours about many things. I hadn’t seen them in like five years. I ran into them a couple of weeks ago and we exchanged numbers to stay in contact. I was very glad to have seen them again after so long. They’re the closest thing I have to grandparents right now.

I talked to them about my family. They told me about theirs and everything that had happened in the last five years. Then I told them about my posts and how I’ve been asking everyone around me the question: “What do you want?” They’re in a completely different mindset, obviously—in the 70 to 80-year-old range—and what they said they want most is peace in their family, especially after they’re gone, and to pass away painlessly.

I found that interesting, because they’ve already lived a long life—married for at least 50 years—and they don’t want anything material at all.

I bring this up in connection to the topic of manipulation because I feel like if you’re manipulating someone, you know what you’re doing. That’s the definition of manipulating—or at least that’s what I think. Unless you’re so good at it, you don’t even realize when you’re doing it, lol.

I know some people believe there’s nothing after death—but I don’t like that idea. I hope there’s something more. I don’t know what exactly, but I want to believe this life isn’t all there is.

There are so many belief systems that it's hard to know what to follow. Sometimes I wonder: what if I make choices just because I'm afraid of the consequences—not because I truly believe they’re right?

What does it mean to do the right thing when the “rules” keep changing depending on where or when you were born?

For example: in history, there were times when laws required people to commit acts we now see as horrific. If you didn't believe in those acts but followed them anyway—does that make you right or wrong?

And what if you believed something was right, but society said it was wrong? These are the kinds of questions that make it hard to know which moral compass to follow—especially when every culture, system, or philosophy seems to claim their way is the way.

This is my opinion and thought process throughout this topic and I hope someone who reads this can find it useful, and if you feel like you have a different opinion or view on any of these things feel free to comment on this post letting me know what you think.