Today I will be writing about something I was massively wrong about.
Age play~ Mommy/Daddy play~ Anything with childlike behavior.
No offense to anyone please read all the way through to see how my point of view is changing and has changed.
A peek into my past.
When I was growing up I had men that were old enough to be my father or grandfather sneak touches or flirt and yes I was even raped. I have also, always been and will always be a big protester against pedophilia and child molestation.
In my Ignorance.
I judged anyone acting like a child or a daddy mommy in an adult relationship, thinking they were acting out pedophilia, as though they were despicable (I know this was wrong of me). I also used to think that if I dated a man younger than me I was acting out a form of pedophilia so I never dated younger than me, until several years ago. Mind you, I was about 37 and the guy was 26, and both obviously adults. Regardless I felt guilty and didn't feel comfortable. I am not sure why I had such an aversion to younger men and get this... I liked dating older men! I am not sure why that was okay but I feel like I craved a mature man vs an obnoxious and or immature man. Please understand that even though I dated older men I did not act like a child or play a child in any way. I was also always primarily dominant even if they didn't know it or acknowledge it.
The nurturer in me.
Now, having said all that I have played a motherly role to my kids, kids friends, and co-workers that were younger, etc. However, it was just as a nurturer and a strong objective person they could confide in. Never once was this sexual and I enjoyed being needed, and wanted, needed to be needed and wanted even. Also, I played a nurturing role to elders, I love helping old people! Whether it was to help them open a door, carry their groceries, or just listen to them as they rant and rave or grumble. I think old people are cute and adorable and find I like the outspoken eccentric and obnoxious ones the best. I will be that old person one day.
Oh, how I have changed.
Recently, I met a young man who has changed my mind about the mommy role and even the age difference between us. I feel that he needs me and that he has helped me grow because of it. I feel that he understands my desire to help him even without it being sexual. As there are about 20 years separating us, I to the senior I felt an opportunity to try and help him for my own selfish needs. I was trying to break this down and rebuild it. Instead, my walls fell, and now am rebuilding myself. Shockingly, I don't feel bad about having sexual thoughts and feelings about a man in his twenties. I think I can emerge from this as a bigger and better person with or without sex just because of the personal growth I have gained.
Why I understand this is okay.
It boils down to we are both adults and is needed is a part of life for most people. I understand that "littles" need that comfort of no responsibility, having someone care for their every need, and the freedom to just let grown-up stuff go even if for a small time. I understand that being a Daddy or Momma doesn't mean a person is a pedophile or wants to have sexual relations with minors or children. These are just some of the many ways people can get the feelings that come from being needed or wanted and cared for. Finding a way that you can be needed fulfills a primal need releasing powerful feelings.
Whats next!
The next entry will be about my feelings towards shaming in general and amazingly going against every fiber of my being to please someone else by shaming them.