Dealer of Death

Attempting to change
So drastically
The same attempts I've made before
But I just need to take it one vice at a time
One day at a time

I'm in it for the long haul
When I give in so quickly
I went from feeling superb
To feeling so sickly
I need something to numb it
I thought I was above it

Or beyond it perhaps
If you can only last 2 days
I guess it's really not a relapse

At least this overstrengthened drink
Is serving a purpose
Instead of doing it for the hell of it
Crashing and feeling worthless

It's old school medicine
To self-medicate
Though it can become dangerous
If it perpetuates

For it's not truly a solution
Knowing this will not heal the delusion
But everything is ephemeral
And if we own ourselves
We can decimate our own well being
But we are probably better off healing

Which has so many definitions
It's open to interpretation
It's not wise to walk a path
Addicted to exacerbation
But we've all been there
A decade ago or last week perhaps
It's inspiration not a relapse

It's funny how it can be the scourge
Or it can be the healer
Born in the drunkest state
Was it my fate?
On every corner there's a dealer.

A dealer of death
Of hope we're bereft
That feeling that something is missing
Is only a deathly demon kissing

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