My intention is set. Plans are laid in. If everything goes as currently projected, I will be leaving on a bus ride to Standing Rock, ND less than 2 days from now, where I intend to help the water protectors in whatever ways I am able. Less than a week ago, I had no idea this would be happening, especially in such a short timeframe. So how did I arrive at this? Following the signs of synchronicity, aligning intuition with messages from the spirits, letting intuition guide.
Last Sunday, I visited the home of some old friends who regularly act as the backbone of Missoula's Food Not Bombs chapter, which shares food with everyone in front of the local county courthouse every Sunday at 6pm.
Just like old times, we were talking about current events, and the Standing Rock protests came up in conversation. We were discussing the resistance camp, and perhaps without even knowing it, I expressed what my heart and soul wanted, but hadn't quite yet consciously realized: A desire to go and join the water protectors myself.
This was quickly followed by a list of things I "needed to get to" which would require my presence here in town for the coming weeks, but maybe after this, that and the other thing was out of the way... well, maybe, maybe.... All these thoughts were making me dizzy. I needed to sit back down.
I pulled out my phone, and asked the people whose house I was occupying if they minded if I played a song. They said certainly, so I put on Creek Mary's Blood, by Nightwish. While it played, tears ran down my face, and I sang along.
White man came
Saw the blessed land
We cared, you took
You fought, we lost
Not the war but an unfair fight
Sceneries painted beautiful in blood
Wandering on Horizon Road
Following the trail of tears
Once we were here
Where we have lived since the world began
Since time itself gave us this land
Our souls will join again the wild
Our home in peace and war and death
Downtown, later that afternoon, shortly before the Food Not Bombs feeding began, I went to climb a favorite tree nearby, scrambling up it with more ferocity than usual; my body was overflowing with energy!
Someone else saw before I did. "Did somebody's phone just hit the ground? Whose phone is that?" I hadn't even noticed it was missing until I looked down, and saw that the zipper on my handbag had broken open, and the phone had fallen from the tree. The screen was cracked in multiple fractures, rendering the device unusable.
The strange thing was that I didn't even feel phased, not bothered one bit by the fact that this fancy little device which had become my constant road companion over the past year was now entering its death throes. I was just glad to be near my friends, at Food Not Bombs, next to my favorite tree, in a place where life has purpose.
I remembered the last song the phone had played, everything we had talked about earlier in the afternoon, and in the context of this week full of prayer and mantras, the synchronicity now seemed obvious: I needed to go to Standing Rock. The spirits were calling. Of course I would go.
"...next month, most likely." So I said. So I thought.
All the ways my ego had attempted to plan the week began to unravel on the last night of our coven's Navratri celebration. A work project ended up requiring a bit more time than I had initially hoped, so I chose to delay a much-anticipated trip to the home of some very close friends who live a few hours out of town in order to finish that. With Standing Rock ever in the back of my mind, I began to ask around to try and get in touch with others who might be going soon. I didn't want to go alone if at all possible. Making the trip with a group seemed far preferable in more than one way.
I was put in touch with an old acquaintance I hadn't spoken with in years. I learned this person plans to drive a bus up to Standing Rock next week, and looking for riders who can help defray gas costs. They would be leaving sooner than I had initially planned, but the more I thought about it, the more sense it made to get up there sooner. The time to help with camp preparations for winter is now, as are the opportunities to make a difference!
I may not stay the whole winter (in fact I strongly doubt it), but even if all I do is spend a couple weeks helping them get ready for the cold season, maybe participate in direct actions if and when my spirit is called to act, and get the chance pray together with the tribes for the healing of the earth, I will consider the endeavor more than worthwhile. If, at some point, I do find myself over my head, there's nothing that precludes me from seeking a way back to friendly zootown.
I am aware that the possibility of being arrested also exists. Of course this is not something I relish by any stretch, but I am willing to endure it in service of this most worthy of causes: saving the water, and standing in support of what remains of those tribes whose ancestors were treated so brutally by mine. It is really the very least I can do. But I go not out of any sense obligation or racial guilt, but gladly and freely, because this is where my soul longs to be.
Now I have one full day left for final preparations, packing, and wrapping up any other affairs. Thanks to a clearance sale at a local retailer, I also have a new (albeit less fancy) phone for the journey, so I can take photographs, document what I witness, and hopefully stay in communication with friends at home (at least while I am in areas where the Department of Homeland Security hasn't shut down cell service, as they reportedly have done in at least parts of the NoDapl protest areas, so we'll see how that goes...)
Each day closer, waves of trepidation have been offset and overcome by the inner validation that comes from knowing I'm going in the direction my soul needs to take. Discomfort, adversity, cold, the potential of meeting violence and possibly even imprisonment. All of these are no match when pitted against true purpose. So yes, I am ready, even if there's this part of me that's still quaking in my boots. The spirits have led me this far. So I trust myself into their keeping for the journey ahead.