[translated from arabic]
It's here Folks! The item that you've always needed. Tired of the fear of those pesky, random acid attacks? Well, Ladies, I have a solution for you! The new NIKE ™ ACID HIJAB.
Now you can protect yourself from the sun while having 100% acid protection, and you can abide by allah's wishes in style !
For a limited time only! Available at Walmart.
You heard it here first.
The Malarkey Report Team