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Thoughts on Programming, Number 54: Stack manipulation - the use of inflatable falsies. -Datamazing, 4/1/78

Corollary: Provided, of course, that you know there is a problem.

Chastity: the most unnatural of the sexual perversions. --Aldous Huxley--

Thoughts on Programming, Number 28: A large programming effort ... consists of many tasks, some chained end-to-end. The probability that each will go well becomes vanishingly small. -The Mythical Man-Month Frederick P. Brooks, Jr.

Most religions do not make men better, only warier. --Elias Canetti--

Education is a method whereby one acquires a higher grade of prejudices. --Laurence J. Peter--

I've got to concentrate. I've got to concentrate! ..Hello? ..Echo! ..Pinch hitting for Pedro Borbon, Manny Mota!

Religion is the masterpiece of the art of animal training, for it trains people as to how they shall think. --Arthur Schopenhauer--

There are only three kinds of people: those who make things happen, those who watch things happen and those who wonder what happened.

`As leader, you should never forget those who are loyal to you. You should hold parties for them regularly and have lots of whiskey (free) for them. That way, they get drunk and reveal themselves as the disloyal vermin they all are in reality.' -- On Governing

When there are two conflicting versions of the story, the wise course is to believe the one in which people appear at their worst. --H. Allen Smith--

The power of accurate observation is commonly called cynicism by those who have not got it. --George Bernard Shaw--

Captain Kirk. It's a pleasure to welcome you to Noldicia. More fun than humans should be allowed to have.

Please, don't make me treat you like dogs. I don't want to treat you like common dogs.

Eat hot death, Steve.

Astrology Law: It's always the wrong time of the month.

Hoare's Law of Large Problems: Inside every large problem there is a small problem struggling to get out.

Thoughts on Programming, Number 10: If the poor workman hates his tools, the good workman hates poor tools. The work of the workingman is, in a sense, defined by his tools. -The Psychology of Computer Programming, Gerald M. Weinberg

Pork rinds! Gasp Choke Vienna sausages! Uk...uk...uk Orange marshmallow peanuts (The Horror, The Horror)!

Never appeal to a man's better nature. He may not have one. Invoking his self-interest gives you more leverage.

The end move in politics is always to pick up a gun. --- R. Buckminster Fuller

Calkin's Law of Menu Language: The number of adjectives and verbs that are added to the description of a menu item is in inverse proportion to the quality of the resulting dish.

Spock was waiting for them when they got to the conference room. 'Captain, I've run the data we collected through the computer.' 'Well, Spock, you must be a very proud young man. So what's the deal with these council weasels?

If I could get my membership fee back, I'd resign from the human race. --Fred Allen--

Insanity.....A perfectly rational adjustment to the insane world. --R. D. Laing--

Boren's Laws of the Bureaucracy: 1) When in doubt, mumble. 2) When in trouble, delegate. 3) When in charge, ponder.

Take our politicians: they're a bunch of yo-yos. The Presidency is now a cross between a popularity contest and a high school debate, with an encyclopedia of cliches the first prize. --Saul Bellow--

Jiminez's Maxim: If they give you ruled paper, write the other way.

Thoughts on Programming, Number 29: Cost does indeed vary as the product of the number of men and the number of months. Progress does not. Hence the man-month as a unit for measuring the size of a job is a dangerous and deceptive myth. -The Mythical Man-Month Frederick P. Brooks, Jr.

A clergyman is one who feels himself called upon to live without working at the expense of the rascals who work to live. --Voltaire--

Bok's Law: If you think education is expensive -- try ignorance.

Computer Axiom: #1 When putting it into memory, remember where you put it.

Cerebus can destroy ANYTHING. Cerebus is the POPE.

Beauregard's First Law: When you're up to your nose, keep your mouth shut.

Liberal......A power worshipper without power. --George Orwell--

My cigarette smoke mixed with the smoke of my .38. If business was as good as my aim, I'd be on Easy Street. Instead, I've got an office on 49th Street and a nasty relationship with a string of collection agents.

Boyys are capital fellows in their own way, among their mages; but they are unwholesome companions for grown people. --Charles Lamb--

Wohl's Riddle: Q. What is so rare as a day in June? A. A day in February, which is 6.7% more rare; except in leap year when it is still 3.3% more rare. -- R. Wohl

Borstelmann's Rule: If everything seems to be coming your way, you're probably in the wrong lane.

I guess test-flying F-20 Tigersharks at Mach 3 all day has rattled my good manners...

Cerebus can destroy ANYTHING. Cerebus is the POPE.

Boob's Law: You always find something the last place you look.

Taxes are not levied for the benefit of the taxed.

Laws of Programming: #5 - A hardware failure will cause system software to crash, and the customer engineer will blame the programmer

Approval Seeker's Law: Those whose approval you seek the most give you the least.

Forthoffer's Cynical Summary of Barzun's Laws: 1) That which has not yet been taught directly can never be taught directly. 2) If at first you don't succeed, you will never succeed.

What a pinhead! Does he not fear us?!

Nigel, what are you saying?

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