You ever notice how plastic water bottles are so flimsy these days? The plastic is so thin, it’s like my patience sitting in line behind some sweatlord with too much time, too many coupons, and not enough clothes on at checkout. They can barely stand up straight on a desk. It’s like trying to balance a drunk hamster on a tightrope. And don’t even think about leaving the twist top off for a second. The moment you do, it’s like you’ve committed a cardinal sin, and the damn thing tips over, spilling water everywhere like a tiny Niagara Falls.
And you know why they do this, right? Profit. All for profit! They save a fraction of a penny on plastic, and we get stuck with these limp, flaccid bottles that are about as reliable as a politician’s promise. It’s a conspiracy, I tell you! A conspiracy to make us all look like idiots, chasing our runaway water bottles across the office.
But hey, it’s all about the bottom line, baby. Forget about practicality, convenience, or even a semblance of durability. Nope, it’s all about squeezing every last cent out of the consumer, leaving us with these pathetic excuses for bottles. It’s enough to make you want to drink straight from the tap—if they haven’t screwed that up too!
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