Introduction

My mother killed herself a week before my 13th birthday. I don't miss her even a little bit. I'm pretty sure she seriously considered killing me instead of herself but was too afraid of getting caught. A few years after she died my aunt told me that she had been gang raped when she was a teenager.
She did not love my father. The only reason she married him was because of me, so she always resented me for her being married to a man she did not love. She was only 21 when she had me. I never met either of my grandfathers but understand they were both assholes who abandoned their families. So, neither of my parents had a good childhood and were destined to fail miserably at parenthood. They were both extremely abusive to me. Both physically and verbally.
Both my parents were barbers. They tried to open their own shop a couple times but were not successful. We never had much money so me and my younger sister had to spend a lot of time at the barbershop. A very traumatic incident happened there when I was around 3 that I forgot about for many years.
A barbershop is not a very fun place for a toddler to spend the entire day. I don't remember very much about that time but I suppose I grew quite restless on many occasions. One day I guess my parents decided that I was misbehaving too much and I needed to be punished. I don't remember what I did but I remember as punishment they decided to turn off all the lights, lock up the shop and drive off with my sister leaving me their alone. I was absolutely terrified. I can now remember standing at the door crying my eyes out looking out at the pitch black night very worried that mice would come eat me at any moment. Eventually my parents came back to get me.
My mother was white and my father is of Mexican decent but all four of my grandparents were born in America. My father's family has actually been here longer than my mom's. My father's family has been living in Texas since it was still part of Mexico. Unlike my mom's family, they never immigrated to America. America immigrated to them.
Unlike my mother, my father probably loved me on some level but for a number of reasons was absolutely horrible to me. He was a short, unsuccessful man who I imagine got bullied a lot and I was the easiest person to take his frustrations out on. He was also very frustrated because he actually loved my mother very much (god only knows why) but like I said she had no affection for him. He would try so hard to make her happy and she would constantly treat him like crap, which didn't make my life any easier.
I grew up around my mothers family in Illinois. Although my father showed me little love and my mom flat out hated me and as I said, probably wanted me dead, her mom loved me very much. Out of all of her kids and grand kids I was always her favorite. This is despite that fact that I look more like my father and all of mothers family has blue eyes. My maternal grandmother's family came from Finland and my grandfather's family came from Sweden. Because I was surrounded by people of Swedish and Finish decent I think of my self as a white boy although no one else sees that. A lot of people think I am Asian.
I am pretty intelligent, like the rest of my family, but did not do well in school. My parents absolutely destroyed my self confidence at an early age and for a long time I believed I was incredibly stupid. I still have a lot of anxiety and crap inside of me from my childhood but I now know I am quite intelligent. My intelligence is not quite at genius level but I believe I am at least in the top 90% of the population. I started to realize my potential in the military where I was forced to. The last time I took the military aptitude test I scored a 97 out of 99, which is almost unheard of. I am also a bit unique because I am good at both Math and Art. However, because of my horrific childhood and have struggled with success. Both financially and romantically.
As a young child I loved comic books and movies. At first I wanted to draw comic books when I grew up. I am a good artist but not quite good enough to do it professionally. As I got older my dream turned to becoming a movie director. Anyone who knows me will tell you I am an expert in the entertainment industry but I was never able to come close to making that happen.
I worked for the Gallup Poll from 2003 to 2008 as a phone interviewer in Houston, TX. I was very successful there, having been named team member of the year 3 times, but in 2008 I was fired. I will talk about this in future posts but to make a long story short I was fired for making too much money, although the official reason was for being rude to respondents.
In 2014 I got so desperate to make something of myself that I moved to China to teach English. While this has been far from easy, my life has improved significantly in the last 3 years. I managed to pay off all my debts and start saving some money, even after spending $3000 for invisible braces. This is how I was able to get involved with crypto currency, which led me to steemit.
I will talk more about my thoughts on life and my childhood in the future on steem.