Thanks for taking time to write such a long reply.
Firstly I'd like to say that I have a huge heart for people who have been in jail, I don't really know why, perhaps coz I was also involved in"certain things" myself, but never got arrested. I can't say the same for the people that I worked with. Some of them are in and out of jail. I have a job now that earns enough money that I don't have to do those "certain things" anymore.
I got into programming and hacking at an early age and it has saved me from going into a life of illegal activity.
I have a few friends who have been in solitary, but two of my friends stand out. The two friends were in and out of solitary regularly because they were very active gang members at some point in time. All of this happened during apartheid and it seemed to have affect the older of the two friends the most, he is homeless today and spends his time smoking weed and recycling trash and he gets lots of stuff from people for free, he is a really good worker, just sometimes has moments where his mind can trip out a bit and has random angry outbursts.
I think being in solitary confinement as much as he was made him so good at surviving that he finds a life on the street good enough or he finds it makes him feel content. I feel sorry for him and I wish I could help him.
My other friend told me they used to get beat up close to dead and then put in solitary confinement with nothing but a small Bible to read. He said doesn't matter who you were you had no choice, but to read that Bible unless you wanted to risk losing your mind. He also mentioned that they used to work out all the time to help the time pass by.
One more thing. I have nobody but God to thank that I never got caught.
Jail is only one bad decision away and I'm very lucky.
One thing that both my friends struggle with is they both struggle to shake the fact that they have been in jail cause they are covered with prison tattoos and are constantly treated like shit by people judge them for their appearance and who judge them for the fact that they've been in jail.
There are two kinds of people: people who go to jail and don't want to go back and people who go to jail and can't help themselves from going back to jail.
Fortunately my two friends have no intention of going to jail again and they always warn me to stay far away from jail.
Hey Roloyolo, thank you for responding back.
I totally get it about the "certain things". I've been in these situations one way or another on more than one occasion myself, and there wasn't much room for choice when I was.
Between having lived a rough childhood, an enlistment in the service, a homeless guy with a alcohol and drug habit in and out of jail, I understand some peoples need to medicate with marijuana. I use it myself, and it's helped tremendously with my anxiety and PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder). When I don't have it, I'm generally a irritable grumpy fellow, in all honesty.. but I'll take that over a guy who drinks a bottle of jack a night and sniffs half grams of cocaine in one line.
There are basically 3 categories of people that go to jail in my mind. The one's that go for life, the one's that go and continue to come back, and the one's who go once and learn what they need to change in their life with all that reflection time their given.
The last one was me. I really was scared for my life in there, and saw some terrible things. It was no short amount of time I did either. I was a man who would drink alcohol, and have the tendency to get violent and confrontational, as well as gateway to cocaine. I recognized what I needed to remove from my life. It was the alcohol and cocaine. Problem solved. I've not been back to jail, and it's been 3 years.
People will definitely judge those who have a violent history, or have been to jail in many capacities. In the mind of many, people who have been to jail are just shit birds that are no good for society. The truth is, there are many good people serving time, who are often above average intelligence, and very talented in many capacities, often wrongly charged, over charged, or even fully innocent and victim of wrongful accusation. There are ton's of people in the jails and prison systems that have addiction issues, PTSD issues, and various other mental health conditions. Many of the criminals who have violent crimes or theft are the one's with addiction issues, and there is a major connection here. So many people who get violent under the influence are not violent sober, unless for self defense.
I've lost out on some pretty nice opportunities because of my history as well. Like a grant for college for my time in the service. The school actually accepted me, and then called me a couple weeks later to tell me they had changed their mind.
Generally when people get to know me, they think I'm a pretty cool guy. I don't have any enemies, And my friends think it's amazing that I am following my dreams now.
I think it's pretty sad that a person who may have had a serious addiction problem can pay their debt to society with jail time, get out and change their life, then continue to be frowned upon. It does not coincide with the idea of paying a debt.
Living the life I've lived has honed my ability to read people like open books. They cannot hide their disgust or disapproval when they see the crimes I've been convicted of . I do feel I was overcharged, but that doesn't matter. If the paper says guilty, you are guilty. That is just how people see things, and that is how it is some of the time, but not everything is so crystal clear in life. If I say I was protecting my life, and genuinely felt I was, but the judge says I was trying to strangle someone.. Well, you know the rest. Once you are branded, that's it. You can try to tell the jury what your intention was, but your intention doesn't matter in cases like this. Especially if you are labeled as an alcoholic. I warn people about confrontation when their drinking, because they will be the one in the wrong every time.
I refuse to deal with that disgust. I know I am a changed man after recovering from alcoholism, and I know my worth to society. I refuse to hand an application that demands a criminal history to an employer for a job, and them watch them cringe when they instantly look down at that section. It's the first thing they check! No, screw that. I will not deal with it anymore, to make a company more money than they are paying me. I'll make my own way, and feel freely liberated , away from the grips of addiction, making money in my own creative ways.
It sounds to me, like you have a good head on your shoulders, and your headed in the right direction. Keep up the good work, and never let anyone drag you into doing things your not comfortable doing, especially illegal things. Jail is a terrible place to be, and I hope you don't ever have to experience it.
PS. Yeah I pretty much read the entire Bible while I was in confinement, your friend was totally right about that one.
"PS. Yeah I pretty much read the entire Bible while I was in confinement, your friend was totally right about that one." lol I tried to read the whole bible once, Leviticus was really hard to get past.
Btw yeah I really like the idea of giving ex convicts proper job opportunities. I was working with some charity at some point to help ex convicts learn tech skills and help them get jobs. It is just sad that companies can hold your criminal record against you because people make mistakes, but people also get older and learn from them. I always try and help my ex convicts get jobs, but its not that easy in this country. The sad thing is that I know people who were heavily involved in gangsterism at some point and after jail they wanted to leave that life. The one guy I know has tattoo's on his face so besides the fact that he has been in jail his outward appearance is also making it hard for him to find employment. He was looking for a job for months, but nobody wanted to even give him a chance. What happened next, people kept offering him illegal jobs, he kept refusing , but eventually he needed money and today, well he is back to the life he knows because society doesn't want to give him a chance. Saddest part is this guy went to jail at 15 for a crime that he didn't even commit, but after that he just didn't care any more and everything just went downhill for him. He is now also addicted to drugs again. I am here waiting to help him oneday if he is ready, but I hope he lives to get that far.
Btw if you are in the states check these links:
https://money.cnn.com/2016/07/20/news/richard-branson-virgin-jobs-prison-offenders-convicts/index.html