Hey!
This went so well last time I did this experiment so I'm gonna keep letting you come inside my brain until we get this song done!
I finished the first verse and chorus. So, now I need a second verse.
Thanks to the awesome suggestions last time around everyone! I asked you all for rain related metaphors for breaking up and yet being happy about it. Here are some of my favorite lines.
@gregoryschneider: "This cloud has no silver lining"
@quackenbush: "The Moon covers me in shadows"
@chaospoet: Thunder, My heart as you left
Lightning, Memories of regret
(You'll notice the thunder/lightning theme made it into the verse I wrote.)
@shla-rafia: He told me about Spain
To come with him and how it would be
Only sun, him and me
And then he kissed Loraine
(I have no idea what any of that means but kudos for the Spain/Lorraine rhyme!)
Ok, I know that's a lot to live up to - but you've got this. Here is the video of my latest verse and chorus. I need a second verse and suggestions/improvements for the existing tune and lyrics of the first verse and chorus. No holds barred! Fire away!
Lyrics:
Verse 1:
Flash Bang
Here comes the rain
I brought you love
You gave me pain
I don't deserve
To get this hurt
Who do you think you are
Caught outside
Missed all the signs
The sun disappeared
Clouds in my mind
Too late to run
Is that what you want
Yeah, who do you think you are
Might be wet but I'm not drownin
I'm just lettin my hair down and
Singing...cause it's all just
Chorus:
Raindrops
Fallin on my head
Downpour
Getting me all wet
Recall
The words that you said
Told me bye and Don't Ask Why
And I should be sad
But, baby I'm not
Treated me bad
And now I can't stop
Dancing To
The sound of the raindrops
While I wait for the rainbow
If you like this song, please UpVote this post
If you have a suggestion for a new line, leave a comment and let's talk about it.
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Sounding good Caleb. I need to listen to it some more to see what happens. I did add you to kind of a try to convince people to join steemit post I finished within the last hour. I think your posts are good examples of some ways people could be using steemit.
https://steemit.com/steemit/@dwinblood/why-use-steemit-some-introductory-information-and-initial-tips-for-new-people
Wow! I'm honored. Thanks for the props!
Can the second verse change tempo and take a more serious tone. I think the tune would spark more emotion if you flattened the pitch and slowed a little.
Hi! Thanks for the input. I appreciate your opinion. What I'm going for here is a contrast between the lyric and the style - the lyric is painful and even sad - but the singer is not sad. It's a bad break up, but it's not a bad thing. It hurts, but she's happy - because he wasn't good to her.
So, I'm really not going for super emotional here. It's also for the teen market so there needs to be a playfulness to it.
With that in mind, does your opinion change at all? If not, do you think maybe the lyrics might be too "grown-up" for this style and market? Thanks again!
Splash Through
I'm puddle dancing
Reverse Heart
Memories are entrancing
Cling to
Past times romancing
You sir are very good with words. Puddle dancing is a very nice line.
Thanks. I've read a lot and listened to a ton of music in my life. :) Cheerful is tough for me but if I beat at it for a bit something tends to eventually come forth.
I would have responded sooner, but I was actually writing that introductory post when you would have hit my feed so I didn't see it until it was about 2 hours old.
No problem, I appreciate the contribution. It's great stuff! You always spark my creative side. Apparently, I spark your happy side - it's a wonderful thing we've got going! Haha
Wet trails
Racing on my skin
Water circles growing (?)
Fresh Smell
Ozone makes me sigh
That probably taps me out for rain... not sure about the water circles... was envisioning the way a drop hits a puddle and radiates out in concentric rings.
Who knows maybe that'll give you some ideas.
The only things that danced in my mind and never quite made anything were walking with wet clothes, or if you have a rain coat you could likely play off how the rain plays with that.
Damp hair.
Those are all personal. If you want to talk environmental you might be able to tie in wind, or sun shafts. Things like that. maybe something like "Blown back"
In keeping with "Flash Bang" I think I'll start the second verse with "Boom Clap" - blown back with another two syllables could be a nice fit there.
Thanks again!
Blown Back O Zone :P
Blown Back wind spear
Blown Back laughter
Blown Back Vision
Blown Back My Mind
Blown Back Dear Thought
Blown Back Heart Caught
Oh my...haha it has to end in blown back for it to rhyme...hehe
If time is a factor as it gets darker you could play with glowing street light motifs, and things like shadows. It really depends upon where you want to take it. Good luck, this is pretty fun. These are actually the only @chaospoet posts I made today. :) EDIT: Oops... wrong monitor... broke character. ;)
Aha! Caught you red handed! I'm glad you're having fun. I sure am. Would love a few more people to join the party.
It's the weekend... never know what is going to happen.
Not sure what Blown Back was rhyming with. :)
"Boom Clap"
My second reply ever on here lol, such a newb just learned to upvote. :-)
Awesome! Thanks for checking it out.
Great lyrics @caleballen! In keeping with what you have for the second verse and trying to express forgetting the whole thing:
Boom Clap
Gettin' Blown back
Don't know my name
You amnesiac
Black Sweet water
Rinsing my grief
Into sun filled oceans
Swim to me