Oh my goodness, I must now reevaluate my existence. Hold on a sec....Done!

I'm still here and my fundamental belief system remains intact. But watch out for white helicopters as well. Even the medical ones are suspect at times, particularly when they are not going directly from Point A to Point B, but appear to be searching for something. In reality, they use sophisticated instruments to home in on their targets, which experience a brief rapture and are beamed up to the mother ship and sprayed with industrial strength weedkiller for testing purposes. The government knows that Monsanto and Halliburton are paying the Centaurians for this research, but they keep it under wraps since outsourcing has many winners when they're all on the take.