Africans can attest to the fact that the parenting style used to raise children, though deteriorating, has yielded high positive output. Some experiences may still keep one awake at night or cause some serious psychological issues but to be frank, all in all, it's one of the best ways to raise a child. Some may disagree.
Cars zipping by, a driver honking and shouting angrily at the inexperienced driver in front of him trying to maneuver her way through a junction unto the road after making a misjudgment and causing a slight gridlock, noise; people talking, laughing and socializing, children running about and getting dirty... It's a Sunday Morning after church.
This little girl goes to her mother who is having a sizzling conversation with her friends and starts pestering her mother holding her leg and pulling her dress. The mother just ignores the child and continues her conversation. The child aggravates the mother by raising the stakes and crying with her arms lifted up obviously wanting to be carried. The mother did something amazing.
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A little trick I like to call 'heat vision'. She turned, looked at the child and the pestering immediately seized; like a switch was flipped to the off position. Drowning out all the traffic and noise, for a moment, you could almost feel the intensity and energy emanating from the look. It was enough to silence the child, make her retreat and stay quietly by her mother and the funniest bit, stop some kids, running around at the time in the vicinity of the look, dead in their tracks.
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It has some similarities to a death stare or an angry stare, but it doesn't quite sum it up. While the death stare and the angry stare say "you're dead", the heat vision doesn't say. It gives you this sensation that you're heating up quickly and you will burn if those eyes don't turn away soon. It lets you know that, you're in so much trouble, dying won't solve your problems and the person those eyes belong to, doesn't want you dead. You are needed alive and fully functional for what's to come.
If you're an African and you haven't gotten that look ever from your parents ever, then you're not African. That's original as it gets. This technique is mostly used in public when the parent doesn't want to create a scene. You can be rest assured in the comfort, solace and privacy of home, you will be properly and adequately set straight. I learn two major lessons from this.
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Firstly, how we conduct ourselves in public says a lot about us both on the parenting side and the side of the child. From a young age, the child is taught not only to not embarrass the parent or elderly in public, but also the proper behavior. You don't beg and disgrace yourself in public just to get what you want, rather you comport yourself and behave like a well mannered human being. On the parenting side, you are thought that, there's a time and place for everything. There maybe an appropriate response to a situation but will not be suitable for the environment.
My second lesson is, find the right method and way to ask for something you want or need. I believe if the child just went to the mother quietly and in front of her, lifted her hands, the mother would have no motivation to turn her away. Our intentions may be right, but the approach is wrong and that would prevent you from getting what you wanted or needed.
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I know there are many more lessons to be drawn from the heat vision. Share your experiences and or lessons in the comments below.
I remember my mom always give me the signature stare the heat vision and i will immediately keep quiet no matter the reason I was pestering her. Those were dull moments though but they've really helped us.
Hmmm... very true. They truly have.
Heat vision, I'm sure I got some from parents , relatives, I cant even count. All i know is that it was as efficient as it could be. Great lessons bro
I'm sure you still get some... Lol. Thanks
I surely need one
My parents aren't africans (they are Filipino) but I surely got the heat vision from them. Now i am imploring the same technique to my kids and I am the envy of my friends at how easily I get the message out to my kids with just the use of my eyes. I'd like to take it further by saying that the reason I am able to do this is because of the deep and strong relationship I have with my kids. The communication at home is clear which is why eye contact is enough to get the message across. If I had to use it on my kids I find it necessary to follow it up with a conversation afterwards.
So it turns out it's not specific to Africa as I initially thought. Thanks for the input... I'm sure it feels awesome being on the giving side rather than the receiving end. All the best with your kids, you seem like an awesome parent 🙌
Heat vision... ive got that a lot from my mom..i think mothers do this more.. ill prefer Heat vision to being yelled at...though those eye contacts are really deep... great peice Buddy.
Lol, you are such an interesting writer, i know that heatvision so much,my most personal experiences had to be with my ex-girlfriend, its almost like hell whenever she gives it to me, anytime i try to ignore it, i could actually feel them on my face, burning into my skin, but as a man now, mans never hot, funny thing is she said i do the same, and it had worse effect on her...lol...i think its more than an Afro psychological thing to be honest as well, it is Human centric, i just think Africans have
mastered it more, this is a very interesting post because whilst i'm trying to reply, crazy experiences i've had are flooding into my head, i would be writing an epistle if i'm to write them all, thanks for sharing this with us.
I think my lesson lies in understanding whom you're dealing with first, so your manner of approach will be tailored to suit, because in getting what you want, you can be surprised to see what might just work.
Cheers mate
Awesome... great lesson. Thanks for the input