A lot of people think that communication is about letting out words from the mouth, or just about talking. However, they fail to realise that communication is not about how much you have said, but about how much you have been understood. If you talk and talk, yet no one understands what you have said, then you have not communicated. Imagine someone coming to you and explaining things to you in a language which you do not understand. To the person, he may be saying something, but he has not communicated because you did not understand what he was saying. The power does not lie in saying something, but in saying it right. This is what differentiates between building bridges and building barriers. Do not just talk to be heard but to be understood.
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A lot of the conflicts that happen between people are not born from bad intentions but from bad communication. Someone can have a pure intention, but the way and manner they communicate it may create a perception of what was not intended. Even a good message that is delivered wrongly can appear to be an insult and offensive. On the other hand, a difficult truth that is expressed well can inspire and create growth. Saying it right should take tone, timing, and choice of words into consideration. There are times when the same word can mean different things when said at different times. So also be mindful of the timing of your words. A sentence spoken with carefulness and right tone can heal, while the same sentence spoken carelessly can inflict wound on the the mind.
In order to say things right, you need to achieve a form of clarity first. If your thoughts are scattered, your words will also lack coherence. Clear speaking is born out of clear thoughts. Before trying to communicate, you have to ask yourself the purpose of saying what you want to say, and the potential effects it will have on the person. Your words are not just mere sounds, but they have incredible abilities within them to either heal or harm, create or break, do good or bad. So you have to make a choice of what you want your words to do. When you have a clear purpose of what you want to say, it will make it easier for the words to fulfill their intended purpose.
Another very vital thing to help you say it right is emotional intelligence. Communication does not just do with logic, but it also goes a long way to do with feelings. You may say something and the person may forget the exact words you have spoken, but they will not forget how you made them feel. When you deliver a message without empathy, it can be perceived as harsh, even if the content of the message is true. When you acknowledge emotions, both your own and other people's own, you will communicate with humanity. This actually builds trust within people and opens the heart to understanding what is said. If what you want to say will potentially hurt someone's emotions or feelings, then there may not be any point in saying it.
In order to also master clarity in communication, you need to learn how to listen critically. You may not be able to say it right if you do not listen right. To communicate well, you have to try to listen well. That is, listening with the intention to understand, not to reply. It is listening that actually gives context, reveals unspoken intention, and also helps you to respond well. There are times that when you listen attentively, you will discover that the answer to the question you would have asked has already been said. A lot of communication lack clarity simply because people are too quick to plan what they want to say next without taking time to listen critically to what is said.
In addition to all these, you still need a level of courage to be able to say it as it should. Some people avoid honest communication maybe because of fear. This can include fear of being misunderstood, fear of inciting conflict, or fear of rejection. But they also fail to understand that silence can even be more damaging in some scenarios. You need to know that the idea is not to totally avoid conversations, but to communicate wisely.
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