When preparation meets opportunity, manifestation is Inevitable.
So far you are trying so hard to become somebody but it’s not just working out fine. Possibly maybe it your formation that is against your plans, what you need to do here is to change form being defensive into an offensive strategy, and you will say a different story.
When it is difficult to realize your problem, it will be more difficult for you to look for solution because all efforts will be aimless.
Change that your formation and examine your life.