January 1st 2018
Its the begining of the year, you know what that means...alot of amazing resolutions that I most likely wont follow through with. As much as I would love to say that this is the year of many changes, I will be more then happy if i can just accomplish getting out of bed everyday.
Hi, I'm a mom, almost a wife, and suffer from severe depression, horrible anxiety and Obsessive Complusive Disorder, and this is my diary. I plan on (we shall see if it happens)writing at least 3 times a week in hopes of inspiring, explaining how people like me live day to day even when we dont want to, and to release all the bottled up issues that I deal with every day in hopes of maybe helping myself alittle bit in the long run.
I figured today I would touch on the subject of living with OCD, you see today is a Monday, the first of the year, the first of the month and for someone like me the perfect day to start all of my resolutions, life, and lists, and whatever else my little heart has talked my brain into thinking I need to reset.
Today I started my fitbit over, I started my new calander, and I started a brand new notebook with the list of things I needed to do before bedtime tonight. I'm alreaqdy extremely anxious about failing and it hasn't even been 24 hours since the new year began. And the sad thing is I crossed everything off my list and even finished all in green on my fitnit, so why all the anxiety? Who knows but then you figure it out please let me know!!!!
Today I got up when my alarm went off, I got my 5month old ready, showered, and got groceries, I put the grocieries away went to work, ran errands, made all the baby food for the week (something I just started) and got most of the house straightened up, and now am sitting down writing this..the last thing on my list, but I still feel like I'm forgetting something, I still feel like I didnt accomplish enough, I still feel like there was more that I could have done. Everyday is like this, sometimes things are much better then others, tomorrow might be gratifying, life might one day balance out and not drive me crazy, but for tonight I go to bed hoping I can force myself to get out of bed when the alarm goes off.......