So Was I Nothing

I popped up like a cork released from the bottom of a deep dark sea. My lungs sucking in oxygen, two pufferfish surprised by Jaws. It was black. Yes, the night was dark. But it was black. The real black. Not just a shadow that is neither a color nor the absence of color. The lights went out and didn't come back on. Instead a small flicker flame. Hanging on to life, but running low on fuel. The light just strong enough to reveal that life is real and a world exists, but not bright enough to see any inkling of the lay of the land. My most primal state. Pure freedom. Pure fear. But in all the best ways. A rush like no other. Anything and everything was possible. I could be anybody. I could have been anybody. But what are we? what is life? a sum of all the thoughts left in my brain? only the ones on the forefront, or do the ones tucked way deep away count too? so was I nothing, nothing but that moment right in front of me. Fuck dude, I got to be a baby in adult form, and able bodied. You don't see things the same as those who carry their memories. Their fears. But the real shitty kind. The kind that derive from the weakness of the human condition. Not from the primal real fear of death, or really, physical pain. Cuz death doesn't scare me anymore. It excites me. The darkness excites me. It could be anything, and I don't have to worry about anything.