A couple of weeks ago I had a conversation with two people that were having a pretty tough time. Their experiences, from their limited perspective, seemed that the emotions they were feeling were bizarre and separate from the world, belonging only to them. This isn’t the case at all, however I thought the best way to help them is to show them a different point of view and so decided to ask them the question, that I was faced with in 2009. “Would you give up a comfortable monetary pay check to live your dream, not knowing if you were going to be ok?” as money was one of their main concerns. My intention was to alleviate their negative emotional state, even if it was for that one hour. Thus, the reason why I am starting these “blogs”, that through sharing some of my story and love of art, somewhere in the Universe this might help someone along their path…..
If from my last post I haven’t made it clear, I love the quote, “If truth doesn’t set you free, generosity will”, in the spirit of giving it all away, I’m going to share with you some parts of me, my art techniques, the tools that I use, the materials and what I consider very important in painting, how I inject emotion within my work and much more…
Briefly, here is a holistic overview of where I came from…the journey that propelled me toward living as an oil painter.
It took me 10 years to reach the pinnacle of, what I defined success, working 15-18 hour days, most weekend, within a very cut throat Finance Industry, all in view of reaching the elusive top. Finally in 2007 I was offered a role as a Senior Business Manager. I was experiencing all the privileges that the job offered. Met writers, musicians, adventures, world known entrepreneurs and travelled frequently, interstate and internationally. From the outside world, it looked like I was living the ideal life. Granted from a material perspective there wasn’t a thing that I could not have, however on an emotional scale, there always seemed something was missing!
One of the experiences I was privileged being part of was hosting a private dinner at a National Gallery, where I was hosting a private function and a private viewing of the largest renowned portrait prize in Australia, for my top clientele. This was a rare event in deed, to be able to hire a National Gallery Privately. As I was walking through the hall, looking at all the portrait finalists, a strong voice bound itself in my mind, “One day, I’m going to be on that wall!” Naturally I wasn’t about to announce it to the CEO, “I am hearing voices”…..but for those that are not too familiar with what that feels like, it’s like an intuition, a knowing, a feeling of “that is for me!”…. A voice so strong that from the outside perspective I looked like I was staring at a blank wall.
Making the decision to change direction in 2009, was a surprise to many. I left my current work which included a substantial salary, as well as, rejecting a new work opportunity to further climb the corporate ladder and break through the “glass ceiling” (to be a State Manager of another Finance Firm) which meant rejecting even a bigger pay packet. Now keep in mind this was during the GFC time frame, where most people were keeping jobs not letting them go…For people that have had experience with the finance industry and alpha male employers, you would know how rare it is to have a female within an executive position. Thus the decision to reject the direction of a “bigger” employment role, meant that I was burning my bridges and so the option of a safety-net no longer existed. These were actions of a mad woman, because back then I was NOT a confident artist! All I knew is that I had a dream!
Thus the choice to leap meant, that I had to make the big jump over that ravine. I handed over my life to faith. Internally I shouted Universe, dreams here I come…. and everything that could go wrong did!
What started (unknowingly to me) was the participation of me understanding the struggles, the knowhow of everything fear, frustration, anger, passion, vulnerability, courage, aggression had to offer (on all levels…deep levels). I discovered real friends and what generosity was. I learned the power of love, unconditional love! (this is rare in deed!!!) I uncovered my own strength. I learned how tough I really was. I learned what I was capable of and how many fears I really had…..These were Emotions that were so strong, so deep, that it would have left many people crippled, many would have driven over the cliff. Then only to realise, years later, after emerging from the fire, that living in such deep fear was my ONLY impediment to living the life that I originally set out to uncover.
The biggest lesson was that I learned that I control all that I see. I was now moving and arranging the matrix, the matrix wasn’t arranging me! To me, this knowing is priceless and I wouldn’t change a thing! Now, as for my art, each time I paint, I tap into an emotion (I know choose the emotion rather than have it control me) and I am able to allow that emotion to flow through me, within the story and the paint itself…..These lessons aren’t able to be learned in avoidance of life, one has to step forward and live life!
It was through these last 7-8 years that I discovered the most priceless possession worth acquiring, that is; knowing myself. As when you arrive at this point, you now occupy the driver’s seat of directing your life!
That negative noise that has been in my background: the people, places, circumstances and events, made me focus, gave me greater intentions and reminded me of who I really am and what I really want! The negativity allowed me to launch myself into a new place, into this current moment, into a NEW ME.
For some, thanking the fears in your life sounds stupid. However I am thankful that fear gave me the darkness so that I could face the light. Thank you for showing me the doorway, the opportunity to know myself. Because of the people, many paintings were created. In fact each painting, has a story within my story….
I learned that creativity is constant and while it always changes, there is one thing that it always it-meaningful! And so, as I have walked the art-road I have discovered that art has the ability of giving someone a measure of their own potential and the ability of how much they would like that potential to flow! There was no better example in seeing that, than through the art classes that took me 6 months to start for men over the age of 65. …These wonderful men were novices, to the world of mixing colour, with zero experience and yet decided to come along and see their potential….They have now expanded to holding their own shows during yearly festivals. One of my favourite students (who was colour blind) believed that he would never paint. I decided to introduce him to the world of Monochromatic Perspective, and boy has he moved his world…..
Most of us do not allow ourselves to be seen, to live what is in our hearts ( a topic dear to my heart and one that can be explored and discussed at no end). We do not allow ourselves to risk to be ourselves. This has been my first-hand experience through the various art lessons that I have taught and my observations in people, particularly the portraits that I have painted.
What we see through our eyes isn’t the world that others create, yet one that we direct as a result of what we believe. The world we see is simply what we project from that which we allow our hearts to feel, via our emotions.
I know this might sound mad, however all our decisions are based on this one moment, in the now. These decisions will either sprout from love or fear and it is my greatest wish to be able to highlight this point via the process of ART. As in each moment that I paint a portrait, there is only that one now, now, now, now time frame, which is what is most delicious. I know this to be true as when I finish a portrait it is like losing a best friend. Thus the aim is never to get to the end, rather to enjoy the colours that I mix, the deep observation of their face contour and emotion within their eyes…….
As I started to move toward that which made me happy, I realised that via art and painting and showing art to others, teaching art, making videos about art, I was able to get people to present their best selves to me. I realised that they were being better people, they were living a more self-authentic life. I realised that this was something that my talent was able to provide, to get and show the best of each one of us had to offer.
I also realised that the effect that I was having and achieving in others is the most valuable thing I could spend and give to others. How I make other people feel is the most valuable currency I could ever spend and give! This is what they remembered most after all my shows and teaching sessions. I know this to be a priceless commodity, as how you make others feel long after you are gone is far better than what you give them.
So if you are faced with a challenge, ask yourself what you have to learn from it, face it, walk through it with gusto and confidence and what you will discover is a strength far greater than you would have otherwise known. Strength that will enrich you work and enrich you as a person…. to which then you will start to thank all that dark energy. Remember the darkness is giving you the opportunity to move toward the light! AND remember that YOU ARE WORTHY of everything (no exception)!
So back to my initial question; Would you give up a comfortable monetary pay check to walk the path of the unknown?
I suppose that’s what an adventurer does and I am one artist having an adventure!
Until next time....Create. Paint.Be You!