Hi, dear Steemians!
One of the greatest misconceptions of society on a large scale is the idea that by rejecting someone’s request or saying no to them, we lose our chance to be regarded as decent and nice fellows!
The single most heartwarming word in any language is the affirmative ‘yes’, while the most difficult is ‘no’, in both regards as saying and hearing them. The truth is that you will meet an innumerable amount of people in your life, and there will come a day when each and every one of them will ask you for something. Now, it is kind and decent to answer the calls of those that are in need, but not all of these requests are distress calls for help.
Sometimes, we are in codependent relationships that do nothing but waste our heart and play with our emotions. Sometimes, we are friends with people who tend to hang out everyday and we come to the realization that this tendency is reducing our productivity and efficiency regarding the things that we have to do to achieve our dreams. Sometimes, we ourselves have tendencies that come in the way of our efficiency and time management goals.
Trust me friends, too many loose ends will make us all full of shame and regret, desperately trying to buy back the time that we have lost amongst people that are a priority to us, while all we are to them is an option.
So, how do we find the courage and the power to say ‘no’ to other people and ourselves?
Saying ‘no’ is indeed difficult. When it comes to saying no, our primary concern is the emotion of the person that we are dealing with. What if they get hurt? What if we come off as rude and disrespectful to their wishes? What if they take it as a bad sign and break out of the relationship that we have with them? A world of ‘what if’s that eventually compel you to forsake such rejection and give into something that is not your heart’s desire.
As you become more organized, successful, and eventually famous, more people will be attracted to you. They will all expect to receive something from your acquaintance or friendship. That is not a strange desire. It is the fundamental cornerstone of every relationship. But the extent to which you agree to this storm of requests matters.
You will not necessarily come off as disrespectful if you know how to steer clear of such requests and nonchalantly push them out of your way. Most people get it wrong; the subtle art of saying ‘no’ is not in the utterance of the word itself, but in conveying the meaning of that word without being rude or disrespectful to the people who have these requests from us.
For instance, when it comes to a group of friends that just wish to hang out with you, it is an easy equation. If you show them the value of the work you are doing and how much it matters to your life and your future, they will be appreciative of your will and respect you for that. Otherwise, I can safely say that they are not good friends!
As for learning to say no to yourself, you need to understand a simple principle. Our creative mind is constantly conjuring up ideas and dreams with which we can easily get distracted. We tend to forget what we originally set out to do and get sidestepped by new intriguing ideas.
You constantly need to make a decision in your mind; to commit to what you are doing now, and storing your new ideas in a safe corner of your mind. These new intriguing ideas are basically like the endless requests of those around you. They are always coming at you and they always expect your attention. But this attention might not be in your best interest.
A BIG HUG!
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Important Note!
I have been working very hard on this blog since the beginning. I have a very busy life but I am giving my best and believe me I have shared experiences that I have been coaching thousands of people and I know that the change of the Mindset should be daily. I am already grateful to see you giving upvotes to each other and you can see this with the fact that many already have 8, 9, 10 upvotes. But I'm sure that with the effort of all of us we will see a community with, 40, 50, 80 upvotes and for that everyone should get engaged so we can make it come true. I believe and we can! Resteem...
***Remember Community: Please, if you commented and upvote on a new post I did, please always go back to the previous one because if someone in the community commented lastly because of time zone differences it will be without your upvote and that would not be fair.
You all know the goal! We can reach: 50+ Upvotes each others!
Attention!!!
I'm reading all the meaningful comments from the posts.
I am here making a list of all of you who have helped build this community by voting for each other who write meaningful comments and soon I will respond to everyone with comment and thank you all because I can already see this spirit being built in this Positive Mindset community and help between all of you.
You will receive my upvote in all material and brief comments I will do this in all the posts I am following very closely and I can see what the people who are generous and contribute to this legacy that I am trying to build with all of you can become reality in a short time.
AND
First of all, I would like to thank all of you, who are the most active and proactive in this community, showing your generosity and always with meaningful comments. From now on I will always make a list of these incredible people who have helped to expand our goal of growing ever more.
But I ask that if you are new around here you read many of the previous posts because they make it clear that we are building a community with respect among all, generosity and this blog is for those who really want to start moving their Mindset to positive and moreover be part of the growth of all of us who contribute to this blog. Please do not ask to include you in the list if you are just wanting upvotes because we want here people genuinely attuned to growth and good attitudes and as I have always said with Respect as the basis of all, generosity and positivity!
ABOUT OUR LIST!!! WE NEED GROW THIS LIST! LET'S GO TOGETHER IN THIS COMMUNITY - RESTEEM!
Feel free if you want to be included in the list of contributors to this community. Just ask at the end of your comment.
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Thanks All of You!!!!
After I became a mother, I really learned to say no to people.
People started to take my son's decisions. It made me feel the need to say no to them, no matter how hard it is. Maybe it's also my hormones.
Maybe I still not able to implement it in all sectors of my life. But I try to think the effects of saying yes first, then take the wise decision.
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Many people don't realize that it is perfectly valid to say no to something just because you don't want to do it. That's why often when they say no, they come up with a silly excuse, but I think it is more honest and less rude to just say "no, I can't because I don't want to" rather than coming up with an excuse why not (well, I tend to also say sorry and sound regretful, because I am sorry I am not going to help them, but not sorry enough to do so). Usually, people would understand.
On the other hand, you can do someone a favour and help them out, even if you'd rather do something else, knowing, that if the situation is reversed, they would do the same for you. This principle may seem cold and calculating without explaining all the nuances, but I think that a healthy relationship is based on this kind of reciprocity. I would help my friends and trust them to help me when I am in need.
Yes, saying No is one of the most hard thing for me to do and I think for many of us it us. Because we actually don't want to hurt the other person/party.
This is its really hard for me to chose yes or No in some situations as the thing I don't want to do but for the sake of the other person I had to enter into the job.
Along with all your valuable information I want to say that we should say No in a way which doesn't bring bitterness in the other person and our relationship with our loved remains intact with love.
A very nice sensible topic it is,thank you for discussing it.
Hi @chbartist , we indeed afraid a lot. We don't have confidence on us that's why we got confused in saying "yes" or "no".
Thank you for your time and for the motivation. I'm really thankful being a part of this wonderful community.
I really appreciate your efforts towards building such a beautiful community.
Have a good day from @coolguy222
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I think that saying "no" for a certain kind of people. Some people I know are masters of saying no, even to the most trivial requests which they may satisfy without compromising their time or resources.
It is a must, though, to learn to say no. That will not make us bad people, just more organized and responsible (with others and with ourselves). Some people say yes to everythings and then they cannot deliver.
Saying no to ourselves can be more tricky. We tend to indulge in distractions that are supposed to be impotant or act as rewards for a job well done or to compensate for too much work, but it is easy to lose perspective and procrastinate on our priorities every time we deviate our attention to pay attention to the constant whims our minds bring to the table.
When we say yes and we do not want to say it, we get tired Ourselves we increase the tasks or responsibilities actual or mental entrusted to us we say and repeat a hundred times during that time if I said no If I refused Next time I will refuse When the story is repeated we do not do,but continue to say yes This increases tension anxiety and stress Let us clarify something here When we say no we do not talk about refusing to help others helping them or happy ones These are practices that invigorate our hearts and rejoice make us feel important and most important of all is the kindness of people Righteousness to him Almighty It does not have a general rule or a fixed rule because it depends on the situation the person and the order and all the factors that are involved We are talking about not saying in general when we do not want or can not do something that some people asked us to do The altruism and striving to help one of them does not enter into our subject here As we all know there are people who say no really with the intention of not wanting help or cooperation
As a woman, we are culturally conditioned to please and take care of others. A sweet woman helps others and makes sure her family is happy even at her own expense. I was raised in the 60s and 70s as the face of women in the the work force began blooming.
Now a large percentage of American homes are single parent homes. If we don't make boundaries and say 'no' we will deplete ourselves.
As I aged one thing became clear, as a single woman, it seemed easier for others to ask favors. I was busy working full time and taking classes at college. No was necessary and I learned that using it when needed helped me to stay sane.
I got my degree and with the discipline I also learned a lot about communication and self care. Good article.
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Dear @chbartist sir!
Sometimes, if we say no promptly, we become a victim of mental depression. I would like to give an example of an insurance agent. If you are not willing to take insurance policy then do not say in clear terms. If there is a slight downside, then the insurance agent has so many ways to explain that they will accept you by doing yes. If we are not able to help someone, we should not say immediately in clear words. After saying this, it has to face a lot of trouble because of the deficit.
Sometimes, due to the over-busyness, this platform has to say no to it.
"There is no greater slavery than saying yes when you want to say no", Baltasar Gracián.
It is intimately related to rejection, and when it escapes from our lips, it has the capacity to turn us into real villains in the eyes of others. But paradoxically, it is also the particle that allows us to establish limits, mark distances, adjust our tempos and respect our needs. And on too many occasions, it costs us horrors to verbalize it.
Knowing that it is not a skill that is known as "assertiveness". The more assertive we have, the greater the security we have in ourselves. How is an assertive person? Well, it is someone who knows how to express their wishes in a kind way, respecting whoever is in front of them and always being direct, nothing of going around with detours.
"Neither submission, nor aggressiveness, balance is assertiveness".
-Riso Coma Walter-.
With all this, it is not about becoming selfish people who ignore the needs of others. It's about knowing how to find a balance between two equally bad extremes: always say yes and always say no.
It is very true what you say, I had the opportunity to read a good book called learn to say not in an acertiva way and the truth is that saying does not also generate feeling good with ourselves
Hello all, learning to say NO is like learning to say sorry, the two words are most difficult in our society, because no one wants to get a NO as an answer to what he or she wants and we find it hard to say sorry because we always claim our right. Now learn to say NO to yourself and then you can boldly say NO to people or things you need to say NO to. Good day.
Say No to other people is very important in our life. Say No helps to make important decision in life. Thank you for remaining us @chbartist
People have different spiritual gifts and thus we are often approached by others for help according to our talents.
It's the human nature that we ask from those we think could help us but sometimes our request has been rejected or we, ourselves should sometimes say no.
We should say no if our priorities and duties will be severely affected by others' request and we'll be the one who will be put in jeopardy. We should say no if others are taking advantage of our kindness and generosity. Just say no if it's meant destruction to you.
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Priorities are a ley component in success and there lies the focus on doing what is important but also STOP doing or saying NO to those that do not allow you to pursue your goals.
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@chbartist, Yes, we should learn when to say NO because most of the people say yes first then feel the essence of guilt regarding the thought why they said yes at first place and many are slaves of this Yes and we should know to stand for the right Yes and No, if we convert No in Yes, then we are adding burden and unproductivity to us and we don't deserve it. Stay blessed. 🙂
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Yes, friends are often the same, often the people whom we want to help, do so many people do not want to help and later the problem gets stuck above the transaction.
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Do you experience considerable difficulties saying no?
As social creatures, we are headed to safeguard our connections thus it very well may be hard to let individuals down regardless of whether it is the correct thing for you.
Regards
@ajks
When you say no at the right time, and yes when it really counts, you can take better care of those who really count for you, and you can focalize your energy to the people you really want to. However, a lot of people have their ways to coax you into saying yes, so it's very difficult.
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Personally have no issues with saying No to people or to myself, I learnt that in life that it important sometimes to say no. But also my personality also as a big role in that, am not intimidated or offended by being told no by other people. I have been told enough No's and some Yes, thus its not hard for me to tell people No, when no is the most appropriate answer.
So to sum it up I can say, there various reasons to why people find it hard to say no. It could because of the culture. Especially African cultures, it could be the up bringing some people where raised without a No, they were given everything they demanded. For them all they know is yes!
Sometimes because of ones faith, religion sometimes can turn you into a hypocrite, you know you are not comfortable with something but you don't want to be seen as a bad guy, to you no and sin are synonymous.
Some people it hard to say no because of their personality.
Some can't say because of the recommendation and the badge they have been given, a NICE guy badge. You will here so and so, ooh he is a nice guy he is always there for people.
No matter what makes hard for you to say no, it is the best art to learn. Because Saying no is a sign of maturity, wisdom and proper self esteem.
Thank you for the article
Creating boundaries is important, and saying "no" needs to be part of those boundaries sometimes. I usually want to say yes to far too many things. When I do this, I quickly realize that I have overextended myself. This causes me to feel overwhelmed and frustrated, instead of the good feeling I should have because I am helping someone. Over the years I have learned that I cannot say yes to everything, and that for my own sanity I have to say no. Saying "no" is not always done out of selfishness, but more out of not taking on more than we can handle. Learning to say "no" is healthy, and the people that know and care about us will understand this.
Saying yes ia quite easy and quick while saying NO is very difficult and takes time to decide if it's fine to say no. Sometimes saying a no can break friendship, relationships and even create problems at workplace. Saying no is not easy but its required if I don't feel comfortable saying yes to anything. I know it can create problems but still i do because if I say then I would be ok personally which will create more problems to me. Nice post @chbartist
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Hi
I'm new member, can I ask to help me?
Please follow me and help me to find new friends and followers.
Really i need your help Sir.
Thanks and appreciate
Not the best way to attract followers. Comment about the content of the post, or react to someone else's comment and sooner or later people will get to know you for what you express in your comments and will follow you not because you asked them, but becasue they find you interesting or worth interacting with.
Well said @hlezama this is not right way to ask help. He must engage with post and comments. People will start following him if his comments are valuable. Simply asking for help without doing anything is rude.
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Thanks. I think it is commonsensical, unless we are dealing with a ghost account here or a bot spamming around.
"When in Rome, do as Romans do". I think that all cultures have similar maxims to express the same idea.
You are absolutely right
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Hi @chbartiat
Oh! I always get caught up in this. I can't say No!
I understood that not saying no to something leaves us in the unwanted zone. So I tried. And ended up doing it wrongly and hurting others. It needs mindfulness and communication skills!
Improving slowly!
Thanks for sharing. It was helpful.
@questionthetrend
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Many people in this life is just waiting for a simple thing, they don´t try to get something better with their own way.
They are people who always are asking for help, they don´t think by others, they just think about themselves.
Yeah you right @chbartist the most incredible words ººYES--NOººº when you can use both...?? nobody knows exactly because with an answer with this two words... Something could happen for a bad or goood moment...!!
It took me almost 35 years to understand when I can say ººYES and NOºº and I still can´t do it....
Many people always asking me for help, money, advise, or just something else, and always I say ººYESºº
Actually I think what will happen if I say ººNOºº and my answer is a: DISASTER, and this is not for me, actually for them...
As you said, we always think with our ººHEARTºº
Finally we always say ººººYESºººº
I learnt a valuable lesson today because i was trying to be kind, A frauster came along and asked me for help, I wanted to decline but i didn't know when i did otherwise, i was lucky to realise it on time. If not for some stroke of luck, i could have been duped just because i didn't say no.
Regards
That theme .... I find it hard to say NO to people when they ask for help .... and there comes a time that I spend the day doing the things of others and I can not do mine, in recent months I have happened a lot, and I have run out doing the things of others, the worst is that I always say: next time I say NO ... and then when they call me ... I end up saying: quiet I do it! :(
NO
This post has received a 73.06 % upvote from @boomerang.
It's really hard to say no because we always want to please everyone but forget that by doing that you please no one,thanks for your insight😀
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Hi, @baah. Human nature? I don't interact in every post @chbartist publishes (too many a day, hard to keep track and interact with everybody), so i do say no to some of the posts, so that i can have time and VP to share with other users, but in the few posts I upvote and comment I try to upvote all the previous commenters (sometimes 20). I have not got 20 votes back, but i keep doing what is supposed to be an implicit agreement.
Some people can't do it due to VP issues, others are too lazy, other have their priorities, or are stingy, who knows. I just do what we are supposed to do here, and who knows, maybe they notice it and follow suit.
Great friend! Congrats for your Attitude!
Well said Bah!!!