Hello, dear Steemians!
Shame is like an infection. If you do not treat it, it will turn into a devastating wound. If you somehow survive the wound, it will fester deep in your heart and wait for the perfect opportunity to strike again.
The idea that we are flawed and make mistakes, or might be able to make mistakes, creates the feeling of shame in our mind. Shame might also come with other insecurities, for instance a refusal to accept belonging or deeming one’s self unworthy of love.
In time, shame will turn into your biggest enemy when it comes to decision-making and actually taking steps to change or improve your life.
The more you pressure shame into hiding in the corners of your mind, or ignore its existence altogether, the more power and influence it will have on your life. You merely think that you have destroyed it, but the thoughts will always be with you.
Emotions can often be destructive. When you are too sensitive, you are prone to everybody and everything hurting you in a way.
The most destructive and harmful emotion is shame, because it is also the most obscured and hidden due to its very nature. We hide shame, and we hoard the pain of shame with all the power we possess.
The only true way to rid yourself of shame, once and for all, is to confront it before it has time to settle in the depths of your very existence.
When you feel shame, you focus on the result of your supposed inadequacy. When you feel guilt, you are acknowledging that you have done something wrong. There is a huge difference between shame and guilt.
Shame is indifferent, and it also presents itself as inevitable, undeniable, and invulnerable.
You begin to think that you cannot do anything to change it, whereas guilt comes with acceptance; the idea that you indeed have done something wrong and now you can find a way to atone for it.
You can think and plan, while all shame does for you is hurt your feelings and destroy your self-confidence. Because while guilt comes with embarrassment or humiliation, shame comes with the denial of grace and self-confidence.
You can always get over embarrassment, but you cannot get over the idea that you may be worthless.
It may be difficult, but the only thing you can do is talk about your shame. First with yourself, then with those who are in your confidence and can always relate to you on a deeper and more profound level of comprehension and understanding.
Think about what it is that brings you shame.
Do not be afraid to face it. Is it a past memory?
Is it something you have done to someone else?
It is your own shortcoming? Is it something that might not have been your fault in the first place?
Define what brings you shame. It might be difficult to do, but if you do it, you will find peace at the end of the road.
After that, talk to the people closest to you.
Share with them and talk about the pain that you are going through as a result of that shame. Talk about all the insecurities and the dilemmas that shame has brought to you.
Counsel with them, and see what advice they have in store for you.
Even after reading this, you may be tempted to hide your shame and pay no heed to it.
But trust me, my friends, in time, that shame will swallow you whole and leave nothing but a carcass of who you should have been and what you should have done.
Face your shame, as hard as it might be, and come out victorious from the vicious battle that ensues!
A BIG HUG!
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Important Note!
I have been working very hard on this blog since the beginning. I have a very busy life but I am giving my best and believe me I have shared experiences that I have been coaching thousands of people and I know that the change of the Mindset should be daily. I am already grateful to see you giving upvotes to each other and you can see this with the fact that many already have 8, 9, 10 upvotes. But I'm sure that with the effort of all of us we will see a community with, 40, 50 upvotes and for that everyone should get engaged so we can make it come true. I believe and we can! Resteem...
***Remember Community: Please, if you commented and upvote on a new post I did, please always go back to the previous one because if someone in the community commented lastly because of time zone differences it will be without your upvote and that would not be fair.
You all know the goal! We can reach: 50+ Upvotes each others!
Attention!!!
I'm reading all the meaningful comments from the posts.
I am here making a list of all of you who have helped build this community by voting for each other who write meaningful comments and soon I will respond to everyone with comment and thank you all because I can already see this spirit being built in this Positive Mindset community and help between all of you.
You will receive my upvote in all material and brief comments I will do this in all the posts I am following very closely and I can see what the people who are generous and contribute to this legacy that I am trying to build with all of you can become reality in a short time.
AND
First of all, I would like to thank all of you, who are the most active and proactive in this community, showing your generosity and always with meaningful comments. From now on I will always make a list of these incredible people who have helped to expand our goal of growing ever more.
But I ask that if you are new around here you read many of the previous posts because they make it clear that we are building a community with respect among all, generosity and this blog is for those who really want to start moving their Mindset to positive and moreover be part of the growth of all of us who contribute to this blog. Please do not ask to include you in the list if you are just wanting upvotes because we want here people genuinely attuned to growth and good attitudes and as I have always said with Respect as the basis of all, generosity and positivity!
ABOUT OUR LIST!!! WE NEED GROW THIS LIST! LET'S GO TOGETHER IN THIS COMMUNITY - RESTEEM!
Feel free if you want to be included in the list of contributors to this community. Just ask at the end of your comment.
@juanmanuellopez1 @moghul @coolguy222 @newageinv @gowealth @blessed-girl @cruis @lexymaine @alokkumar121 @aceandnotes @darlenys01 @rafique1953 @marvyinnovation @wems @ajks @alaisguineasis @amnlive @kimmysomelove42 @praditya @tommyl33 @samryan @vickykarma @brightsun @oppongk @kryp70kn1gh7 @hobo.media @theticket @royer94 @bradley028 @nummulshrma @maxijgcomm @maikelblogo @mrblu @nancymj @petervi @mcoinz79 @missabigail @saludoalalma @mcnestler @moarafatshow @gargi @luis402 @rem-steem @shahzadeh @sumon-ar-vines @naijauser @yantrax @josema.saborido @khan.dayyanz @shapescooper @aceofhearts @marcocosta @rvag5 @fusroj @cashlane @borrowedearth @michaeljn @kchitrah @mitchhunter @nataliaeline @cherlianny @unknownphoton @unclefz @gardengranny @bettyamv @ghostwriter9 @wandrnrose7 @nancybriti @missladybug @shirophantomhive @rvag5 @ankitjnv @marvyinnovation @tommyl33 @gowealth @ustaadonline @daio @brightsun @mzubairch @lightestofideas @amit1995 @starapple @treodecimo @edinhazard @maxijgcomm @wasito @mariita52 @maroni55 @nataliaeline @ajtech2596 @keithf @wesleyvanderstel @grainsofsand @mariita52 @naijauser @castleirwell @juanmanuellopez1 @moghul @coolguy222 @newageinv @gowealth @blessed-girl @cruis @lexymaine @alokkumar121 @aceandnotes @darlenys01 @rafique1953 @marvyinnovation @wems @ajks @alaisguineasis @amnlive @kimmysomelove42 @praditya @tommyl33 @samryan @vickykarma @brightsun @oppongk @kryp70kn1gh7 @hobo.media @theticket @royer94 @bradley028 @nummulshrma @maxijgcomm @maikelblogo @mrblu @nancymj @petervi @mcoinz79 @missabigail @saludoalalma @mcnestler @moarafatshow @gargi @luis402 @shahzadeh @sumon-ar-vines @naijauser @yantrax @josema.saborido @khan.dayyanz @shapescooper @aceofhearts @marcocosta @rvag5 @fusroj @cashlane @borrowedearth @michaeljn @kchitrah @mitchhunter @nataliaeline @cherlianny @unknownphoton @unclefz @gardengranny @bettyamv @ghostwriter9 @wandrnrose7 @nancybriti @missladybug @shirophantomhive @rvag5 @ankitjnv @marvyinnovation @tommyl33 @gowealth @ustaadonline @daio @brightsun @mzubairch @lightestofideas @amit1995 @starapple @treodecimo @edinhazard @maxijgcomm @wasito @mariita52 @maroni55 @nataliaeline @ajtech2596 @keithf @wesleyvanderstel @grainsofsand @mariita52 @naijauser @castleirwell @isabelpereira @nulifeiq @royer94 @yaleal @ushmil @nisiryan0522 @reveurgam @certain @kkins @nurseanne84 @robertyan @xtophercruzeu @theureview @anil566 @freedomanytime @clayrawlings @zetacoin @goldheart @artoftherhyme @jiujitsu @don-thomas @arsl14 @vishalmajumdar @thehippierays @kemc @aple @orgoniteog @abrish @zydane @cathynsons @shashiprabha @katebobkova @tramelibre @sanjoea
Thanks All of You!!!!
Thank you for being here. This is exactly what I needed to hear. I've fallen so far into the pit of shame that I've become completely helpless, my biggest fear. I am here on this earth to help and heal people. To fill in those empty spaces in people's hearts. It is a power that I've allowed to be taken from me.
Here's the story:
I've been working as a barista, at a magical place where people go to be a part of something. A family. When people have problems, the community takes care of them. I'm always there to listen, to give advice, free food, hugs, quick shoulder rubs, a good remedy for a cold. I felt needed. Loved.
I was just about to start massage school in my attempt to fix the world.
And then I developed a severe case of carpal tunnel due to the job itself, and it's taken everything from me. I became a burden to my coworkers. My customers became a burden to me. After a year of struggles, it's gotten worse and worse, now to the point where I can no longer hold a cup of coffee in either hand, let alone probably ever give another massage in this lifetime. So here I sit, unable to feed myself, unable to even afford to feed myself.
Unable to HELP ANYONE, even myself.
My partner has to make me food, do my dishes, clean the house, pour my water, see me in my pajamas everyday, watching me waste away. The emotional toll it's taken on me is contagious, and I can see it eating away at him to.
This is not the life he signed up for.
I'm ruining his life by being loved by him.
I should not be loved.
I have become a disease, for which there is no cure.
I couldn't help but cry when I got a text this morning, from one of my customers and friends (and avid Steemit user), who I've helped in the past during his time of crisis. He gave me a grocery gift card that anybody is able to add money to. He also offered me a marketing job for the new company he started (which you'll hear all about if you follow me in my journey)
I know this is already an excessively long comment, but the whole point is that it just felt good to get that out. To be heard. I invite anyone who is feeling helpless to come talk to me. I think it would help me to feel like me again. You need to know that you are not alone.
To whoever actually reads this:
I, a complete stranger, care deeply about you. You matter, even to me, a complete stranger.
Hi, your comment is the best I could read among everyone in this post. We are all important and that is why I have worked hard to develop People's Positive Mindset. This has worked very well here. What do I have to say to you?
1 - Stop thinking so you're nothing!
2 - You are a person and all important people are cinclusive you.
3 - For things to change you have to change.
4 - Believe me, there are more good people in the world than bad people.
5 - You matter, you just need to see it.
6 - You're not alone and deserve my 100% Upvote!
Regards
Aww I wasn't even expecting that, thank you @chbartist! I think I might add you to my @ginabot list for a little daily cheering up. Thanks for making Steemit a better place ^.^
My partner said something to me today too that really hit home:
"The emotional state that you've been in due to your physical weakness, seems to have become your biggest weakness. I think it's what's keeping you from healing."
@swiftbot tip 100
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Shame is a very broad word. It is probably impossible to bind in words. Shame and shame are the jewelery format for women but-
It is a matter of shame to fall into the eyes of society or family due to their mistakes.
If someone is being tortured, and we see a spectacle in a trance, then it is a matter of shame for us.
It is a matter of shame for us if old parents leave the father in their old ashram at the time of their need.
If we differentiate between boys and girls and consider girls to be burdens, then it is a matter of shame for us.
We are the environmental protection movement but it is shame for us that our environment is contaminated.
And there are so many things not known that we deliberately keep our heads lifted proudly. It is a matter of thinking that in reality we are acting as a true man.
Really shame is very dangerous for us we have to face this threat and find a way to get ride from it. As you stated this is very harmful so we have to find a way so we can do something extraordinary to get our goal.
Thanks for sharing this post.i like it this post.i appreciate your valuable post.. good day
I think person should be open minded in this case. If i talk about myself then of all I try not to do the thing for which i have to feel shame later. But if I still do then I don't feel shameful in front of people. We must have the courage to acknowledge our mistakes also.
Thanks for the post @chbartist
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I think shame comes because we feel vulnerable to what others may say about us. We feel vulnerable to other people's pointers. But the moment we understand that no one is perfect and that we all somehow make mistakes then the shame is minimized.
i guess in actually the thing which always feel us shame is bad deed which are done by us to people either intentionally or un intentionally and when we ever it reviews in mind it feel us shame and we dnt have a big heart to for apology.
Like any other type of problem, embarrassment is solved by confronting it, assuming the consequences of our actions in order to know it better and understand what it consists of. All problems when they evade become larger and more difficult to control, and shame is no exception.
Shame is part of our life, often to certain events that cause us to produce this negative feeling but we can overcome it by believing in ourselves and leaving fear.
I would like to be a member of the collaboration!!!
Thanks @chbartist
I can include you in the list, but please read important notes in this posts. If I include U in the list you receive notifications every time that I post and some peoples don't like this. If you want let me now! Regards
what I love about this post is the way you defined shame, explained it, and gave solutions on how to overcome it,nice post
shame is like a suicide of the self, is annulled and therefore allow my authorization to feel bad, for what others may think of me. In principle, one way to overcome shame is to be sure that we are a perfect and unique work. And that although we are not above anyone, nobody is above us either. Thanks for your post.
Shame paralyzes and does not allow people to act, nor make correct decisions because they are pending of what others may think of them.
Shame is a liar, is a killer look at it and tell it I am not ashamed of you. Once you become not threatened by shame, shame looses its power on you. Whatsoever is the source of shame it is yesterday it lives in the past. Past makes should not be allowed to destroyed your today and tomorrows life. Each one of us has a dark chapter.
This post is really really good @chbartist, and it's about something I've been thinking about lately. You are right, the more we face those feelings that are in the deepest parts of ourseves and are being toxic for our lives, the more we have the opportunitie to get free from them.Negate and occult them is not the solution at all. Thank you for share this!
Our University Principal knows this power very well... Unfortunately, she used it against students, by calling a name... Shaming the students in front of the others purposely. It was unfair because when someone made tiny mistakes, she wouldn't let it go. She would degrade the student as much as possible in public, even bash the family situations or parents. She memorizes every students' full name and background history. Such a shame that all her effort has a negative purpose.
Her philosophy is, when we are so ashamed, we wouldn't try to fail again. That's kind of old techniques of discipline. But instead we got discouraged. Just because of the emotional struggles, many kids actually try to commit suicide or just gave up the school.
Nobody talked back to her. She is so good at debate degrading. Even our teachers would advice stay out of her sight. Few freshmen actually raised this issue to the Director, because it feels wrong. But Director replied, it's handy management that makes the school thrive for the best, she is doing it for good.....Bullshit. She was adult bully.
Thank god, she is retired now.
Hate that school so much
being shameful of something eats you up like a fish in cooking oil, if you even feel ashamed of something you did then bury it in your heart and move on or it will destroy your health, wealth and self
To live with one's shame is to lie to yourself, and to refuse to open oneself to others. But the process of accepting to speak is not obvious, we all have in us that feeling of shame that spoils the essential things. thanks for this sharing, restem and upvote ^^
Saludos @chbartist! Tal como lo indicas, La "vergüenza" es una emoción social que deriva de la evaluación negativa del yo, en donde la persona se etiqueta como inadecuado a las relaciones sociales.
La "vergüenza" muestra nuestras limitaciones, y en este sentido debemos identificar las causas que disparan esta emociones, para tratarlas y superarlas. Feliz día!Shame can be devastating, and leave such deep wounds that show up as "unfortunate" responses in our much later adult lives.
I remember reading an article in a psychology magazine in the doctor's waiting room many years ago, and it talked about an experiment that had been done on people with their brains connected to fMRI equipment... which showed that the brainwaves of a person being shamed were almost identical to those of a person in excruciating physical pain like a serious gunshot wound, or physical torture.
"Shaming" was the most common form of disciplining in the house where I grew up... and I spent many many years undoing the psychological damage that it did; the sense of being almost "subhuman" and worthless takes a lot of self-inquiry and therapy to get past.
Shame humiliates us. But humiliation tends to balance our pride. Sometimes we're too much proud of ourselves that maybe we need some humiliations to moderate the ego within us.
As the saying goes:
Thanks @chbartist for giving us these tips on how to live a shame-free life.
Living in shame is like staying in our sitting room with filled gas, if only we could just be courageous enough to step outside and breath the fresh air!
Regards always,
Toni
Great post 👍 thanks for sharing this post.i appreciate your valuable post..
I struggled with this early in my life as embarrassment went towards shame every time. However, as I matured I learned to become more self-confident in my approach to everything. It is also fundamental that you become experts in your area to help along the way.
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Thanks for defining guilt from shame. Truly, shame had locked many people in their cave of self-belittlement, making them a walking dead.
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sir you are absolutely right that the shame in man is very fatal that makes him hurt inside.Sir, it happens to me, but I feel that the shame in me is definitely something to be feared with a slight fear, then when I think of doing any work, I am afraid of it and with it.
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It is amazing what our thoughts can generate both positive and negative. There are many external factors that make us be as we are and act in a certain way.
But we are ultimately who have control over our actions and thoughts. We build shame and we are the ones who decided to strengthen it or not. It is a practice to talk about our vulnerabilities, that makes us reflect and make aware our weaknesses to improve, do something, without letting go and ignore something that can generally be doing us a lot of harm.
Thank you @chbartist for these writings to grow as better people.
Excellent review, my friend and I fully agree with you that emotions have always prevented the achievement of goals and shame in this case is the most destructive emotion. The more we are ashamed, the more our will to win becomes less and the mind becomes not decisive. Shame should always be avoided! Thanks @chbartist
Good night
How complicated is our brain and how difficult it is to control it. there are people who tend to be very shy, who often feel embarrassed by many situations, which unfortunately deprive them of being able to take advantage of the opportunities presented to them.
It is difficult to master shame, who at some point in life, he was not embarrassed by any situation, that while we can do it, we are terrified by the simple fact of trying.
We must take into account, the advice that does not give @chbartist, we must talk about this, seek help, so that it does not become a pathology. If we do that and, we can control it, we will surely achieve, be happier people.
very inspiring, thank you very much for the advice and knowledge that you convey. I am one of the parts you revealed. Feeling embarrassing is very disturbing and can inhibit freedom of socialization, low self-esteem can hamper the development of many things and most shy people just want to be friends and hang out with the same people as him. I am very interested in the program that you are offering and if you wish, allow me to enter your list. Thank you very much for sharing
You are absolutely right, the shame is a very bad companion on the way to our goals, it amazes the initiative and the desire to move on, which of course has a bad effect on any undertaking and further problems arise from shame!
One of the most difficult things to control is shame, it leads us to a situation of mistrust in ourselves, to the point that it makes it impossible for us to take advantage of the opportunities that come our way.
People who tend to embarrass themselves with some ease, tend to feel frustrated and full of anger with themselves because, although they are able to face a situation, shame does not allow them to do so.
So faith in God and trust in ourselves will allow us to overcome this unfortunate situation.
@chbartist, In my opinion, it's impossible to avoid it, but everything is practice. If we practice to overtake this Psychological feeling then for sure we can stand with more self confidence essence and we can hold with more winning attitude. Stay blessed. 🙂
You said right that we should give up our hesitation and shame and go ahead with fearlessness.Because both of them obstruct our path and we need to get rid of them.
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The root of these problems is not shame; it is emotional and psychological manipulation from their environment. They were whipped from early ages to feel ashamed of themselves as opposed to their actions. This is where the low self esteem and confidence originated from.
Sir you are sharing mostly important topic in your post your topic is very good one demand of time your post most valuable
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good topic sir difficult, but the only thing you can do is talk about your shame. First with yourself.
True! We even tend to feel lonely sometimes.
Very good post, thank you for sharing your knowledge
New concept. I did not learn that before. thanks
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Tagging that many people in a comment is spam, and is not necessary, especially since we were all tagged once for the post already.
I think that he is new here. How we be generous community, We can make a credit and your comment explain very well for him. Thanks for help!
Ok amigo soy nuevo y no sabia no lo volveré hacer gracias :)
knowing the cause of the problem is the first step to solve the problem .
the second step is we have acknowledge the problem , that it was there and we have to solve them
the third step is to list down the positive and negative result because of the problem
the fourth step is making a list on how to solve them
and the last is to solve them .
We can repeat the same step on how to handle shame on our life
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Shame is a bitch
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Very eye-opening. Upvote from me!
@berniesanders, where are you?
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