I'm so glad this post was shared in the @naturalmedicine Monday post! I can relate to so much of this. I cringe at so many things going on in American culture right now (especially here in the South, though it is definitely not totally regional anymore). It amazes me that after all our mothers and grandmothers accomplished, we have gone backwards in so many ways.
Some of my co-workers were having a heated discussion about the #metoo movement yesterday. I didn't catch the beginning of it, nor did I have the time or energy to stick around for the end, but some of the gist was they were talking about if actual physical violence is worse than systemic patriarchy and more subtle forms of disrespect to women's bodies and minds. Neither were saying either is positive, but I think the one was talking about the disparity in punishments. That some men who are convicted domestic abusers can make it back into the celebrity limelight while others like certain politicians perhaps, are shunned for making lewd comments but having a squeaky "clean" record as far as actual reported abuse.
It got me thinking about my own life experiences. I consider myself very lucky to have never been the victim of violent physical or sexual abuse, but I think the subtle daily oppression can be quite destructive in and of itself. I don't think anyone condones physical acts of abuse, however the patriarchy that you speak of continues for generations because in many cases we don't give it enough credit for the disservice it does to our culture as a whole! We brush it under the table because it's not bad enough to warrant close inspection. I don't know if I'm even coming close to articulating my feelings about all this, nor do I think I've even uncovered all of them! Thank you for sharing your experience, though, and I look forward to continuing the conversation both on here and in my own life and relationships.
Thank you so much for jumping into this conversation and so glad you can relate! I'm currently just up the road in South Carolina and the struggle is real! I also cringe on a daily basis and retreat inwardly more and more as we spiral down this dangerous rabbit hole in the US. I went to a #StoptheBans protest in NC a few months back and passed a lovely elderly woman, easily in her mid to late 80s, fully dressed in a sequenced t-shirt, matching hat, with a protest sign tucked under her arm walking determinedly towards the protest in 100 degree heat. I couldn't help be think that this women has been fighting this oppression for decades, and she still has to do this.
NPR recently did a long segment on the double standard you're referring to, that some men commit abuse, undergo a public repentance and jump right back into public life. While others are cast aside for much less offenses and never recover. Kinda fascinating to look at the factors which determine the acceptance of the digression. I have a friend going through a #metoo situation in the court system right now and it's stunning how rigged the system is against women.
I've also been lucky to never be the victim of sexual violence, but did endure extended periods of emotional abuse from boyfriends (coercion) when I was younger. I never even knew was a form of sexual abuse until 20 years after the fact. I just silently carried the shame and berated myself for it for years. I don't even know if it was considered abuse at the time it was happening, but it speaks to that inherent submission of women that's baked into our culture. And that speaks to your point of the daily oppression that is very destructive on its own. The oppression normalizes the harmful behaviors in so many ways-- and we often don't even realize it. The tiny ways we alter behavior and berate ourselves because of this patriarchal system do add up.
It's pretty amazing that we're talking so openly about these issues now in our society so younger generations don't have to submit to men in any way in order to feel accepted or secure. I look at my friends' teenage daughters, raised by women who supported their children in non-patriarchal homes as much as they could, and see how independent minded and how accepting they are of themselves, their body's and their peers. That gives me hope for sure-- even here in the South! ;)
Thanks so much for jumping in and def continue this conversation!!
Oh, I can just imagine that awesome lady! I actually have a client (a 73-year-old man) who grew up here in Atlanta. He was a big activist during the civil rights movement, and continues to join in on rallies for all different causes now. He has two children, one is a daughter who is kicking butt working in the political realm as not only a female rights advocate but also for immigrant children. He is a beautiful man in so many ways, and I'm so proud that he gives me hope for old white men. 😂
I actually had a boss who was quite inappropriate, but I tend to be loyal to a fault and loved all the clients I was working with at the time so I just brushed it off. Later on once he totally self-destructed and lost the business, I realized I should have left a long time before that. My confidence was crushed for quite some time afterwards, but luckily I landed in a much better place so it all worked out in the end. Though I know my experience was so much more benign than so many other women, it is still an example that just about every single woman in our culture will endure some type of abuse or oppression at some point in life.
I can only hope the tide continues to turn, though! The more we keep discussing it and put it out in the open, the more likely it is that things will change. I tend to shy away from conflict of any kind, but as I get older I realize if I want to have any impact on making positive changes I at least have to dip my toes in the water. 😊