Thank you so much for jumping into this conversation and so glad you can relate! I'm currently just up the road in South Carolina and the struggle is real! I also cringe on a daily basis and retreat inwardly more and more as we spiral down this dangerous rabbit hole in the US. I went to a #StoptheBans protest in NC a few months back and passed a lovely elderly woman, easily in her mid to late 80s, fully dressed in a sequenced t-shirt, matching hat, with a protest sign tucked under her arm walking determinedly towards the protest in 100 degree heat. I couldn't help be think that this women has been fighting this oppression for decades, and she still has to do this.
NPR recently did a long segment on the double standard you're referring to, that some men commit abuse, undergo a public repentance and jump right back into public life. While others are cast aside for much less offenses and never recover. Kinda fascinating to look at the factors which determine the acceptance of the digression. I have a friend going through a #metoo situation in the court system right now and it's stunning how rigged the system is against women.
I've also been lucky to never be the victim of sexual violence, but did endure extended periods of emotional abuse from boyfriends (coercion) when I was younger. I never even knew was a form of sexual abuse until 20 years after the fact. I just silently carried the shame and berated myself for it for years. I don't even know if it was considered abuse at the time it was happening, but it speaks to that inherent submission of women that's baked into our culture. And that speaks to your point of the daily oppression that is very destructive on its own. The oppression normalizes the harmful behaviors in so many ways-- and we often don't even realize it. The tiny ways we alter behavior and berate ourselves because of this patriarchal system do add up.
It's pretty amazing that we're talking so openly about these issues now in our society so younger generations don't have to submit to men in any way in order to feel accepted or secure. I look at my friends' teenage daughters, raised by women who supported their children in non-patriarchal homes as much as they could, and see how independent minded and how accepting they are of themselves, their body's and their peers. That gives me hope for sure-- even here in the South! ;)
Thanks so much for jumping in and def continue this conversation!!
Oh, I can just imagine that awesome lady! I actually have a client (a 73-year-old man) who grew up here in Atlanta. He was a big activist during the civil rights movement, and continues to join in on rallies for all different causes now. He has two children, one is a daughter who is kicking butt working in the political realm as not only a female rights advocate but also for immigrant children. He is a beautiful man in so many ways, and I'm so proud that he gives me hope for old white men. 😂
I actually had a boss who was quite inappropriate, but I tend to be loyal to a fault and loved all the clients I was working with at the time so I just brushed it off. Later on once he totally self-destructed and lost the business, I realized I should have left a long time before that. My confidence was crushed for quite some time afterwards, but luckily I landed in a much better place so it all worked out in the end. Though I know my experience was so much more benign than so many other women, it is still an example that just about every single woman in our culture will endure some type of abuse or oppression at some point in life.
I can only hope the tide continues to turn, though! The more we keep discussing it and put it out in the open, the more likely it is that things will change. I tend to shy away from conflict of any kind, but as I get older I realize if I want to have any impact on making positive changes I at least have to dip my toes in the water. 😊