Not in a good way...
This morning, our son phoned to tell me he's off work and heading for the doctor.
He's what my grandmothers would have described as 'down in the dumps'.
In the last few months a number of young lads his age - his friends, school friends, people he knew and didn't realise they had problems - have taken the drastic and permanent step of taking their own lives and it's a very real danger these days.
Obviously we, his parents, are worried, concerned and wanting to help.
Haydn has a lovely little family, he and his fiancée have a child, a house, the usual bills and debts and it's been getting him down for a few months now. He's tried to overcome it, dismiss it and ignore it, but he's finally accepted he needs help and he's plucked up the courage and he's asked.
It's a better step than the alternative.
Sometimes, the doctors don't seem willing or able to do anything and it was a refreshing change for him to see a doctor who not only seemed like she wanted to help, she seemed sympathetic and gentle with it.
While I'm not looking for sympathy in this matter, I'm writing about it because:
a) it helps for me to wrap my head around it all
b) just in case anyone out there is thinking the same as he was - please don't go that extra step to permanently rid yourself of the overwhelming feelings you're burdened with right now.
c) it's an explanation that I may not be around as much - but I'm not going anywhere.
If you have thoughts that you'd be doing everyone a favour, speak to someone! Those loved ones you think would be better off without you and your problems, really wouldn't be better off. The world is a far better place for them with you in it!
They would rather put up with you complaining about not having any money than visiting your graveside, talking to thin air, saying how sorry they were that they weren't there for you.
Do NOT isolate yourself. At the moment, the worst person to speak to is yourself. No, I'm not saying 'get over it,' because I know it's not that easy. You do need to speak to someone that can be sympathetic to your needs at that moment AND someone who has the knowledge and experience to be able to help you.
Please, for the sake of you, your friends and family and just about everyone that knows you, please speak up.
You're worth ALL the trouble, the hassle and sleepless nights to help you get through this and you WILL get through this.
Take care of you
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We had a drink Friday night for stefs birthday and he let out a little bit of what he's been locking up inside. The recent losses hasn't helped anything, I know that and I have seen it in him. We share the same worries with money and family providing, so I'll have a chat to him this week make sure he's thinking the right way about it, it's so easy to think the worse when in that mind state :(
Thank you. I think that will help. He needs his friends and family to pull together. His trouble is he thinks too much... his mind doesn't stop and he has no outlet for his thoughts. I hoped Steemit would help...
I think he's lost his password (doh) I know Stef has (no shock)... I'll suggest he gives it another try; if he's off work maybe he can spend a little more time getting into it properly, and write a few things down.
He didn't tell me that! I did tell them both to keep the password safe!
Yeah, he's coming here to take advantage of the internet and try to pass his car test...
It's about time too :)
He has taken the most important step in admitting he needs help and seeking it. I know for a bloke that can be hard as we all think we can just keep going. If he is starting a course of tablets then keep a close eye out for any side effects, yes read that leaflet in the box as it is there for a reason.
Good luck and I hope Haydn can now move torwards returning to health, he has took a major step forward.
Now it's my turn, if you need anything just ask.
My prayers and heart go out to you and your family in your troubling times. I am glad that he has gone to see a doctor. The most important step is that he has recognised he has a problem that he needs help with. This means he has caught the necessity of treatment early in the illness. He needs all the love and support that you can give him t this time.
I have had more than 30 years experience in the field of mental health. I have also experienced a suicide in my family 13 years ago, my middle brother. He also had friends roughly the same age that had committed suicide. It devasted the family and his friends. I don't think he had the proper treatment or early enough to prevent it. So I understand what you are going through. If you need support, just let me. I am here for you. Just a discord chat away.
Life is such a burden to people today with all that is going on and we are constantly bombarded with it. So glad he is open to working through these feelings.
I tell you last week was tough my energy was so drained.
My heart is with you guys.
I'm glad he took that initiative to speak with a doctor. That's a huge step. Sending you prayers and hugs.
Its really good that your son contacted doctor. I wish you and your family be happy and have not any problem with your family in future.
Your Son reached out, which is the first big hurdle. What comes next takes everyone working together to find a solution. Prayers up for you all. 🐓🐓
Dear Thanks for writing on this topic with some valuable messages. For this kind of person When it comes to helping with mental health problems, providing them with quality information on their disorder is essential. Many mental disorders go undiagnosed because the sufferer is simply unaware their symptoms aren’t normal. They might feel the need to internalize the problems they’re having for fear others won’t understand, or they might not see the pattern of dysfunction their behavior is causing in their everyday life. It’s vital for friends and family members to speak up when they see a problem because that’s often the only way a person will realize the need for help.
it is very serious. I'm glad that I can find a compromise to overcome this situation. Life is full of difficulties that's why it's very important not to wall yourself out from others. Sometimes it happens that a person can not cope with a constant flow of thoughts and this can lead to sad consequences. I know what I am saying. I myself am the kind of person who thinks it over. I think very much and I feel that this can be a problem. Especially bad is when you have no one to talk to and share your experiences. Through communication, we can sublimate the negative energy that is accumulated in us. Thanks to communication and support, any situation can be corrected.
All people are the same and therefore we all need the support of loved ones. I believe that everything in your family will improve. Haydn has taken the right step, I wish him and you a huge health and positive thoughts.
Well said...
Our family and friends are better off alive and bothering us or better still sharing their life issues with us, than having them go 6 feet below the ground and leaving us with so much guilt.
I hope your son handles it way better soon. Do send my love to him.
And please be good yourself. Cheer up please 😘😘😘
I've had this post from @lahvista open in my browser for a while but haven't quite got to it yet. It's the first in a series of 3 or 4, about her struggles with wanting to end it all, before she got some help. It might be something worth you having a read of yourself. Then if there's anything helpful for him, you can mention it when and if the time is right.
https://steemit.com/suicide/@lahvista/suicide-is-an-option-part-one-intro
xx
Two relatives of mine took this decision, for different reasons. One of them was a dear, dear friend of mine.
Words cannot begin to describe it.
Yes. Speak up. That is the way it should go. That is the only way we have to prevent it. To deal with it.
I wish you all the best, Michelle. You know I do. All the best.
True, when we share our burden with our family it's better than any doctor in this world because your family specially parents know everything about you even your unsaid words so if anyone is struggling in their life due to any reason so important thing is sharing the experience with your close once because it's not an joke seriously sharing of burden with others can release the weight of mountain from our shoulders and specially we have to understand the state of depression means if you are feeling depression then talk to your close one immediately regarding good memories or do some activities which you really love and which will boost your spirit because if you curse yourself sitting idol then this situation will going to push you in state of overthinking and it's not better of anything. So enjoy your life and don't take much stress because nothing is permanent in this world so enjoy your life. Thanks for sharing and wishing you an great day. Stay blessed. 🙂
Postingan anda bagus...saya suka . terimakasih telah berbagi post..
Get well soon
When we are no longer able to change something, that's when we are challenged to change ourselves
Thanks for share such a great post.
its an emotional fact..
i think your blog is great...
health is wealth.so please care of it...
The family is always the medicine that children need
Sympathy, compassion and love bring balance to those who suffer on one condition; they must be authentic. Usually rationale people try to be sympathetic to those who need it, but a subtle message may be conveyed to those who suffer that others act like this only to to make them feel better. This in my opinion doesn't help rather than making them feel as a burden to others whose attempts to help are in vain.
The attitude of others towards someone's bad feelings is very critical. The more they advice him to resist and conquer his emotions the more guilty and shameful about himself he would feel because you are simply telling this that you shouldn't feel like this which implies invalidation of his emotions which is actually part of who he is.
close friends and family can be of great help if they offer understanding of his feelings and unconditional love and sympathy to him regardless of what he is. They need to help him accept his feelings as the only way to sooth them. Feelings are meant to be felt so when resisted they become stronger. What you resist persists. and the only way is through. When someone takes his feelings as a part of his wholeness and accept them as he knows they had a purpose to serve, They would eventually lose their power and vanish.
Thank you @michelle.gent for your compassionate message as many people need it.
I stay in a continent, Africa where those with mental health conditions are often maltreated and secluded from the public. Several superstitious believes and practices in the past years has made the matter worse but a change is coming . More mental health practitioners are coming up and the awareness is being created.
Everyone must experience it, though different ...
Thank you @michelle.gent
Family will always be there no matter what we go through , they might not always have the answers we want to hear or we want them to give us but they care a whole lot and we can make it easier by speaking up always
For your son ma, to have spoken up means he is a strong man and he will pull through he has defeated a first stage in mind battle and with the present help he is recieving it will all stabilize soonest
Please remain strong too for him ma @michelle.gent
Hopefully, Haydn would be doing good in your soothing company. He has taken a good step to let you inform about all his frustrations and agonies.
The best thing we can do is to talk to our loved ones and solace them with our heartfelt feelings and love for them. It's never too late to do even a little good to anyone. I appreciate your sane words and positive approach to value relations.
I love you..
Goot nice
Very helpful post dear , thanks
Good you post
you might want to delete or change your comment before she sees it.
Too late ;)
LOL when I saw your comment without context I came here quickly.
I am like "too late" what is too late...haha I warned him
You did! :)