Hey @katrina-ariel, you have beautifully put into words what many of us go through at times, depression is not easy but can be overcome with the tools you are using! I was in a very deep dark pit for many years but got out of it using some of the tools you mentioned, wrote a post about terminal depression some months ago, sadly also lost 2 loved ones to suicide.
But you know what, I think we appreciate life more because of those dark moments, enjoy your children and enjoy your life, wish you well!