Memoir

/ˈmemˌwär/ noun. a record of events written by a person having intimate knowledge of them and based on personal observation. Usually memoirs. an account of one's personal life and experiences; autobiography. the published record of the proceedings of a group or organization, as of a learned society.

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Week 27 of Memoir Monday brings us just to the other side of the halfway point of this entire initiative. Romantic relationships, they can make our lives seem like we’re living in heaven or like we’re roasting in the eternal fires of damnation. How I wish the eighteen year old me could have read the passage below! The advice, if I would have listened to it, would have saved me a whole lot of pain and time. This prompt proved interesting to write and yours will be equally as interesting to read. As always, thanks for your participation.

Memoir Monday has grown so much that I won’t be able to comment on everyone’s posts anymore (and get my own work done) but I’ll still be supporting your posts with reblogs, votes, and shares on my other social media accounts (X, Facebook, etc.).

For all of those who’ve regularly participated in Memoir Monday - keep going, you’re making great progress in chronicling your very own life story for future generations to enjoy.

For those who missed the inaugural post explaining what the Memoir Monday initiative is all about you can find it here.

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Now for next week’s Memoir Monday prompt:

What is your best relationship advice?

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My answer:

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There’s no better boot-camp for learning about yourself than romantic relationships. When in a close relationship the other person becomes like a mirror to reflect back to you the areas in which you need to work on yourself. In fact, even the type of person you tend to settle with can serve as a lesson about yourself.

It’s a common misconception, especially when we’re young, that “the perfect” relationship is effortless. This might seem to be the case during the honeymoon phase with a new partner. As time goes on even the best relationships take work and choosing someone who you’re compatible with (or not) can mean the difference between a happy and peaceful life or a tumultuous and miserable one.

Following are some of the things I’ve learned in thirty-seven years of relationships:

Physical beauty and a fun personality are nice but also seek out kindness and optimism, these last two attributes are way more important to your long term happiness.

Find a partner that shares your overall vision for life, someone who is willing to compromise, work to heal their own trauma (we all have it), and evolve through time with you. You’re never going to agree on everything but you should both share the same overall vision for the things that are most important to you.

Establish personal boundaries and expectations early on. A certain amount of compromise and sacrifice are imperative to a healthy, happy, and balanced relationship but decide the things you’re not willing to budge on and don’t. Boundaries are super important. If we allow others to mistreat, disrespect, or take us for granted then it’s like giving them permission to make it a habit.

Open and honest communication is vital to a healthy relationship. When in a serious relationship your partner should be your biggest supporter in the entire world and vice versa. Both partners should feel supported and understood.

Trust your partner until they give you reason not to. If that trust is ever broken, be honest with yourself whether or not the relationship is salvageable.

Don’t enter a relationship expecting to change anything about your partner. People don’t change if they don’t want to and sometimes they aren’t even capable of changing at all.

Allow each other to keep your own individual identities and interests. It’s important to grow together in all the ways that matter but it’s equally important not to loose your personal identity. So many couples, overtime, seem to meld their identities together as one and then wake up one day to realize they feel lost and don’t even know who they are anymore.

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"But let there be spaces in your togetherness and let the winds of the heavens dance between you. Love one another but make not a bond of love: let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls." - Khalil Gibran

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Keep the spark of romance alive. Even small romantic gestures go a long way. Regularly remind your partner the ways in which you appreciate and respect them. The definition of romance will change as your relationship evolves, don’t expect it to remain the same. No matter how crazy life becomes, invest in your relationship by setting aside time for each other.

Time stands still for no one. Have the courage to commit to living a life that is true to yourself. Happiness is a choice, it really is. If you find yourself regularly unfulfilled or unhappy, voice this to your partner immediately. If nothing changes, seriously consider making a life change. Years can never be refunded. There is absolutely nothing worse in life than regret.

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Rules of Engagement

1. Please reblog this first post and share on other social platforms so we cast the widest net possible for this initiative;
2. Pictures paint a thousand words. Include pictures in your posts if you have them;
3. Answer each Memoir Monday prompt question in your own post. If possible, the prompt question will be published in the week prior so you'll have the entire week to answer and publish your own post;
4. Have fun with it, don't worry about getting behind, or jumping into the project at any point after we've begun; and
5. Lastly, be sure to include the tag #memoirmonday.

It's that simple.

At the end of the next twelve months we'll have created something immensely valuable together. It's so important to know our "whys" in life and there's no better way to do that than this.

Someday all that will be left of our existence are memories of us, our deeds, and words. It's up to you to leave as rich of a heritage as possible for future generations to learn from. So, go ahead, tell your stories. I can't wait to read them.

Be well and make the most of this day. I want to sincerely thank all of the participants thus far. I've really enjoyed reading your posts!

~Eric Vance Walton~

(All photos are original.)

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