Memoir

/ˈmemˌwär/ noun. a record of events written by a person having intimate knowledge of them and based on personal observation. Usually memoirs. an account of one's personal life and experiences; autobiography. the published record of the proceedings of a group or organization, as of a learned society.

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Can you believe we've almost done this 25 times? We're building something amazing here, something our ancestors might look back on to learn more about us. Next week’s Memoir Monday prompt reminds me of the old Whodini song…friends, how many of us have them? Friends can add so much joy, depth, and dimension to life. People are drawn together as friends in different ways and for different reasons – shared goals and ideals, mentorship, and sometimes just pure fun. Friends tend to cycle in and out of the different seasons of our lives. On rare occasions friends stay with us for our entire journey. My dad had a particular friend, Carl, who he grew up with and they ended up living in the same development in their old age. They maintained an astonishing seven decades of friendship. When we’re young I think we tend to take friends for granted, easy come easy go. As we grow older and have more time and experience to reflect I think most of us value friendship a bit more.

Memoir Monday has grown so much that I won’t be able to comment on everyone’s posts anymore (and get my own work done) but I’ll still be supporting your posts with reblogs, votes, and shares on my other social media accounts (X, Facebook, etc.).

For all of those who’ve regularly participated in Memoir Monday - keep going, you’re making great progress in chronicling your very own life story for future generations to enjoy.

For those who missed the inaugural post explaining what the Memoir Monday initiative is all about you can find it here.

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Now for next week’s Memoir Monday prompt:

Have you ever lost a friendship that meant a lot to you?

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My answer:

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I’ve lost a few friendships in life that meant a lot to me. Sometimes, I think, people just happen to grow in different directions. Much like people, friendships are fluid and ever-evolving things. Friendships need to be tended to by sharing time together to keep making memories. That time spent together is also important so that the two people can remain familiar with the current version of each other.

Those warm and fuzzy social media memes about not seeing a friend for a decade then reconnecting and picking right up where you left off are rare. Most often this kind of friendship is mainly two people who enjoy temporarily revisiting old memories and past versions of themselves.

A couple of my lost friendships were from different periods of my childhood. I had two friends in particular from my elementary school days, the first was Jeff Dickens. Jeff’s family were transplants from Chicago and landed in our neighborhood when I was eight or nine. He was an only child and his parents were upper-middle-class creative intellectuals and were involved in the local theater. Jeff came from a completely different background than me but we got along great. I can’t imagine how lost they felt moving to a place like Columbus, Chicago just had so much more to offer culturally.

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"We all lose friends… we lose them in death, to distance, and over time. But even though they may be lost, hope is not. The key is to keep them in your heart, and when the time is right, you can pick up the friendship right where you left off. Even the lost find their way home when you leave the light on." — Amy Marie Waltz.

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Jeff and I had nerdiness in common. We rode bikes, played football and basketball, Dungeons and Dragons, came up with crazy comedy skits, and drew our own cartoons. Jeff always seemed to struggle in school academics but was a great person with a wonderful sense of humor and could always make you laugh. He was a natural at slapstick comedy and was always making weird faces and noises like the Three Stooges. We were in band together, both playing the clarinet. We made some great memories in those preadolescent summers of our childhood. Things were so simple then, time moved ever so slowly.

Our friendship began to drift around the middle of our freshman year of high school. I left the marching band at the end of that year and he kept at it until he graduated. I started dating and then we just ended up hanging out with a completely different set of friends. We never had a disagreement or talked about the fact that we didn’t hang out anymore, the friendship just kind of gradually faded away like some childhood friendships tend to do.

I completely lost touch with Jeff for three decades after high school. I searched for him a few times online but he had absolutely zero digital footprint. I recently found him, still in Columbus. Surprisingly, he’s the deacon of a church and also sings in the church choir. I haven't yet decided if I’ll try to contact Jeff but it makes me feel good to know that he’s well, married, and has lived a happy life.

The second lost childhood friendship was Kevin Gales. Kevin and I also had nerdiness in common — we both got good grades in school, liked to play chess, and had dreams of successful futures. Kevin was also in the band. I met him in fourth grade when desegregation started in Columbus. That year children in our neighborhood were bussed to Fair Avenue Elementary, a school in one of the worst areas of the city for fourth and fifth grades. I was terrified to be so far out of my comfort zone but the experience I had those two years ended up being great mind-expanding, and built my confidence.

My friendship with Kevin was a more mature one. His father was a superintendent of the Columbus public schools and his mom was a teacher. His parents had high expectations of him and his sister. Kevin was hyper-focused on his studies and planning out his future. I think our friendship brought some fun and spontaneity to his life and really forced me to think about my own future differently than I otherwise would have. It made me realize I could dream bigger and there were no limits to what I could achieve. Undoubtedly, my life is better today because of our friendship.

Kevin wasn’t athletic, shy, and was small for his age. He always seemed to get injured when he did anything physical like riding bikes or snow sledding. We used to ride the city bus downtown by ourselves on some school holidays and would spend most of the day down there exploring. We came up with this weird challenge where we’d try to get to the top of the tall buildings in downtown Columbus.

You have to remember this was 1983, long before terrorism or personal safety was much of a concern in the US so we were often successful. We made it to the top floor of nearly every skyscraper in the downtown area. We’d usually have lunch at McDonald’s before taking the bus back home. This really felt like an adventure for us back then. Kevin and I were best friends from fifth grade until our freshman year of high school.

Like my friendship with Jeff, Kevin and I began to drift apart as we hit puberty. The chaotic whirlwind of dating descended on me but Kevin stayed focused on his academics. We began to hang out with different crowds after I left the marching band. I feel like I was slightly responsible for the end of this friendship because Kevin would try to contact me to hang out but I was usually busy with other friends. After a while Kevin stopped calling. We saw each other at our high school graduation and barely acknowledged each other. I remember that making me very sad on a day that should have been filled with happy memories.

I reconnected with Kevin around 2010 via LinkedIn. We messaged for about a half an hour. At the time he was the founder and CEO of a very successful marketing firm in Chicago. It was no surprise to me that he ended up being super successful. His sister told me that he just recently got married and they had a baby daughter at over fifty years of age. Kevin has built himself an amazing life for himself and knowing this makes me smile.

Lastly is a twenty-plus year old friendship that feels like it is currently slipping away. This time the shoe is on the other foot and it’s me who keeps reaching out but my friend’s responses seem to be growing more infrequent, brief, and generally disinterested.

When we’ve met for lunch these last few years it’s been more of him talking about himself or how I can help him with something than asking me what’s going on in my own life. I can't remember a recent lunch that he didn't seem like he was in a rush to leave. This makes me the most sad because we’ve made so many good memories and have built our creative careers in tandem and achieved things we only dreamed about decades ago. As so often happens in life, I'm now experiencing how Kevin must have felt all those years ago when I began ghosting him in high school.

As an adult I've learned how vital and valuable true friendships really are and want to work to preserve them. Our friendship has survived multiple serious illnesses, marriages, divorces, times of grief, times of triumph but it appears it, ultimately, may not survive time and change.

In my life I’ve learned it’s much more important to focus on being a friend than expecting anything in return but, by definition, friendships have to be valued to a certain degree by both parties. I plan on having a conversation with my friend soon about this because life has taught me it's best not to leave important words unsaid. A friendship as old as ours deserves that kind of honesty, attention, and possibly even closure.

C’est la vie. In life change is the only constant and that’s just how it works. As we travel through our individual journeys it’s important for our own wellbeing to take life's losses with as much dignity as we take life's wins. Maintaining a healthy life balance sometimes means we just have to accept things as they are and keep trying to dig deep for each and every joy and lesson we can find in the process.

As Amy Marie Waltz said, "We all lose friends… we lose them in death, to distance, and over time. But even though they may be lost, hope is not. The key is to keep them in your heart, and when the time is right, you can pick up the friendship right where you left off. Even the lost find their way home when you leave the light on." You can bet I'll be leaving the light on, always. Life is too short not to.

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Rules of Engagement

1. Please reblog this first post and share on other social platforms so we cast the widest net possible for this initiative;
2. Pictures paint a thousand words. Include pictures in your posts if you have them;
3. Answer each Memoir Monday prompt question in your own post. If possible, the prompt question will be published in the week prior so you'll have the entire week to answer and publish your own post;
4. Have fun with it, don't worry about getting behind, or jumping into the project at any point after we've begun; and
5. Lastly, be sure to include the tag #memoirmonday.

It's that simple.

At the end of the next twelve months we'll have created something immensely valuable together. It's so important to know our "whys" in life and there's no better way to do that than this.

Someday all that will be left of our existence are memories of us, our deeds, and words. It's up to you to leave as rich of a heritage as possible for future generations to learn from. So, go ahead, tell your stories. I can't wait to read them.

Be well and make the most of this day. I want to sincerely thank all of the participants thus far. I've really enjoyed reading your posts!

~Eric Vance Walton~

(All photos are original.)

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