The hardest part of my retreat - and it hasnt even begun

I’m off to a 10 day meditation retreat tomorrow in central Poland in a village called Dziadowice.

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I’ll be meditating for up to 10 hours a day, eating only breakfast and lunch, and I’ll keep Noble silence, which means I won’t talk during those 10 days (only to the teacher during allocated times). I won’t have any contact with the outside world and I’ll be leaving my soulmate and husband (in one) behind. He’s not coming but I think I’d miss him even more if he was there and I’d have to see him every day and not be able to talk to him or touch him.

You might wonder why I’m putting myself through such an ordeal voluntarily. That’s ok, sometimes I wonder too. The idea to sign up for a Vipassana retreat came to me when I realized my sleep problems were just in my head. I only had sleep problems on nights I thought about not being able to sleep. There was no physiological reason behind my ‘problem’, there was nothing wrong with me, it was only my thoughts that I had to face and deal with. But even when I realized this, there were nights when sleep just wasn’t coming and I kept thinking about not being able to sleep, getting frustrated with myself. I kept thinking why that was. I couldn’t seem to control my thoughts and make them go away, somehow I wasn’t in control of my own mind. I decided something had to be done and meditation has been known to help people separate themselves from their minds and not take it that seriously.

That was the initial reason why I started thinking about going. The other reason why I wanted to go was to be more in touch with my inner self and to kick start my meditation practice so I can meditate properly and regularly.

But 10 days is a long time and I don’t know how I’ll cope with sitting for so many hours every day and with not eating in the evening. My biggest concern is that I won’t see or talk to my husband for 10 whole days. I know I will miss him incredibly. We’ve never been apart for so long and I can’t imagine how it will feel. I don’t even want to think about saying goodbye tomorrow.

I did another retreat like this four years ago. It gave me a very good base in meditation and I still use the techniques I learnt there in my life and during meditation. Here is the link to my experience at that first retreat: https://steemit.com/meditation/@peterveronika/10-day-silent-vipassana-retreat

At this second retreat I should be able to go further in my inner ‘development’ if I use my experience from the first one as a building block.
After my first retreat there was an amazing feeling of calmness inside me and this time my intent is to keep that feeling going by regular meditation.

I’ll be back after the 10 days with a full report about my experience!