From Lobola to Umabo - A Traditional Zulu Wedding

After the *lobola negotiations between the respective family members of the bride and groom have been satisfactorily concluded, the couple, if they can afford it, will proceed to umabo, the traditional Zulu wedding, where another set of cultural practices must be adhered to.

(image: pinterest)

Most Zulu couples have two weddings, usually the first being a Western style white wedding, however the couple is not regarded as being married if they don't complete the traditional Zulu wedding, umabo. Many are unable to hold the traditional wedding due to affordability and it can even be held after one or both members of the couple have passed away. In these cases usually the children, or even the the grandchildren stand proxy for the original couple. One of my members of staff (now deceased) 80 year old mother held a traditional wedding with her 8 year old great great grandson standing in for her deceased husband.

**If the traditional wedding has not been held, and for example a couple fails to conceive or if they perhaps have a bad relationship with their in-laws, it is believed that the ancestors are not pleased that the umabo has not taken place. My staff member, Zodwa, once spoke disparagingly about another member of staff, Nthombi, for saying that she was married, but had not in fact conducted the traditional wedding. Zodwa explained to me that Nthombi's daughter (who is now attending university) would not be able to get married until her mother has performed her own umabo. Zodwa has 5 children and I asked her how this applies to her own daughters, as her children have 4 different fathers. She told me that the rule did not apply to her children as the pregnancies were a result of casual relationships! (Please note I am only reporting what was related to me, this might not be 100% true!)

The beginning of the traditional wedding is signaled by the slaughter of two cows, one by the brides family and one by the grooms family. (The average price of a cow is R12000-R15000/$R832-$1040). Certain parts of the meat are exchanged between the families. Many Zulu traditions require cows to be slaughtered and at one stage a few years back there was an outcry in formerly whites only suburbs, when white neighbours were forced to witness/hear this act. Lately I have not noticed any complaints in the media, which I presume to mean some understanding between the races has been achieved.

(image: pinterest)

The traditional wedding takes place at the groom's residence, and the bride has to bring gifts for her family and some furniture. She also has to bring a kist ( a free standing chest), a bed and with all the bedding, and grass mats. She is given a list of people by the groom's family and required to bring pillows and bedding for all the members of her in-law's family on that list. (Unfortunately in a few case this "list" has been abused, causing strife among the two families.) The potential "list" can also form part of the lobola negotiations.

The bride begins by sitting on a grass mat. Legs are always straight forward, never crossed. She may not speak or look at anyone as a sign of respect. Before the ceremony begins, her father-in-law welcomes her, and her father also says a few words to indicate that he approves of the marriage. The elders advise the couple on how to have a successful marriage. The bridesmaids and brides sisters bring the gifts to the in-laws, while the bride sits on her mat.

"The names of the people on the list are called out, one by one; they start with the females (the older women and then the groom’s sisters). They then call out the men; they are given blankets, grass mats, pillows and the beer pots. When an individual is called out, they are expected to lie/ lay on the grass mat, a family member from the bride’s side covers them with their blanket and they then get up, sing and do the Zulu dance in appreciation of the gifts. After everyone has done that, the groom goes last. The bride than gets up, takes the bed and puts on the linen, she then goes around and looks for the groom. When she finds him, she must place grass mats for him to walk on, which lead to the bed, which is well prepared for him to lie on.  He first sits on the bed and the bride takes a basin with a towel and soap and acts as if she is washing his feet. She then opens the bed covers, he lies on it and the bridesmaids, the bride’s sisters or other young ladies from the bride’s side (only a few of them) hit him with small sticks, he gets up and runs away. It has not been well explained why that is done." Ayanda Siphesihle Ngcobo/enanda.co.za

***Even if only a white wedding is held, two goats need to be slaughtered. The white wedding is always ostentatious, where every tradition of a usual white wedding is followed. The food at the reception is particularly important and has to be of the best quality. Even if the wedding is catered, the quality of the food is a reflection on the wife's ability to feed her husband! After the reception a meeting is held where the bride and groom receive advice on marriage. After that a big party is held at the grooms parents house, which goes on into the early hours of the morning.

(image: wikimedia - bridesmaids)

Before everyone wakes up the bride, her maid of honour and a few aunts have to clean everything up and cook breakfast for all the guests, with little or no sleep!!! This is to demonstrate to her housekeeping skills to her in-laws, and her ability to take care of her husband!

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*https://steemit.com/culture/@onetree/lobola-is-my-daughter-worth-12-cows-zulu-culture-in-south-africa

**http://enanda.co.za/2013/07/zulu-traditional-wedding-umabo/

***http://myafricanheritage.com/subpage.html