"And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone, I will make him an help meet for him."
The above scripture clearly indicates the fact that marriage is the Will of God for man.
There are, however, factors or requirements that must be in place before any marriage can succeed. These factors are foundational in nature, and in the words of Scriptures, "If the foundation be destroyed, what can the righteous do?" (Psalm 11:3).
WHAT ARE THESE FOUNDATIONAL FACTORS IN MARRIAGE?
- THE GOD FACTOR
The God factor is the greatest and primary factor in marriage. Marital success in the kingdom is in God. This is because He (God) is the author of the institution called marriage.
And by the law of sustenance, every creature depends on, and is sustained by the source from which it was created. For instance, the fishes were created from the water body (Gen. 1:20) and they depend on the same for survival and sustenance. The same is true of plants which have source in the ground (earth). Gen. 1:11.
Marriage is therefore dependent on God and sustained by His principles. A successful relationship with God is the one in which there is love and commitment towards God resulting in the keeping of His commandments. You can only measure a man or a woman's love and commitment to you by the measure of his or her commitment towards God. Moreover, when the relationship between God and a person turns sour, it will show in the person's relationship with his or her spouse. So, to succeed in marriage, strive first to succeed as a Christian. "A successful marriage is therefore the product of a successful relationship with God"
- THE KNOWLEDGE FACTOR
"Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge"... (1Peter 3:7).
The worst that can happen to any marriage is marital illiteracy. "My people are destroyed for lack of knowledge" (Hosea 4:6).
Many marriages are destroyed today because of ignorance of principles that that govern couples, going into marriage has become like going into captivity. "Therefore my people are gone into captivity because they have no knowledge" Isaiah 5:13. Also in John 7:49, the scripture says, "but this people who knew not the law are cursed". Therefore, it is ignorance of the laws governing the marital institution that has turned that institution into a curse for many couples. But knowledge releases the blessings intended by God on marriage.
THREE KINDS OF KNOWLEDGE
A. KNOWLEDGE OF WHOM TO MARRY
In Proverbs 18:22, The scripture says, "Whosoever findeth a wife findeth a good thing..."
Mind you, every finding must be preceded by a search. Searching for a spouse would also mean there are certain qualities being sought for. Except these qualities are Word based, you may seek and find but find trouble.
B. KNOWLEDGE OF BIBLICAL PRINCIPLE OF MARRIAGE.
Before getting into marriage, you also need to know what is expected of you as a would-be spouse. Two things come into mind here, the first of which is love as a responsibility of man towards of towards his wife. Ephesians 5:22-25. A man needs to know the definition of love from biblical perspective ( See 1 corithians 13:1-13), not from the world's perspective. He needs to understand the principles of patience, forbearance, meekness, self control, etc towards a woman.
A woman also needs to understand the principle of principle of submission as incorporating respect, yieldedness, obedience, etc towards her husband.
C. EVERY DAY KNOWLEDGE
"Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge " 1Peter 3:7.
The "knowledge" referred to here is the knowledge of your spouse gained from every day interaction. It means knowing the likes and dislikes of your spouse over time. It means understanding the likes and dislikes of your spouse and relating with him or her accordingly. Relating with your spouse and adapting yourself to him or her based on your knowledge of him or her based on your knowledge of him or her is the foundation for a blissful family life.
- THE SUBMISSION FACTOR
This is the third factor responsible for success in marriage. Submission to the Word of God by both partners in marriage is the greatest requirement for marital success.
"Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you " James 4:7.
Until a couple is submitted to the Word of God and ruled by the same, aspiring to build a peaceful and harmonious home is an uphill task.
WHY SUBMITTING TO THE WORD OF GOD?
A. It Is God's Operational Manual For The Family
No marriage can operate successfully without God's Word. A device can get damaged when operated outside the manufacturer's manual. So it is with marriage institution.
B. The Word Of God Provides The Family The Needed Wisdom For Stability (Isaiah 33:6).
Wisdom reflects in two ways : By what you say and by what you do. And in marriage, we are either doing or saying at each point in time. The Word of God teaches you the required wisdom to know what to say and do per time. People who operate outside the Word usually say and do wrong things in their homes.
C. The Word of God Preserves The Home (Matthew 7:24-27)
Every marriage will be faced with the storms of life. These storms range from financial challenges, third party issues, delay in child bearing, health issues, etc. However, walking in the Word of God will give every family victory over all these and many more issues.
D. The Word Of God Nullifies Satanic Influences
Walking in the light of God's Word incapacitates the devil (John 1:5). That is why a home that operates the Word of God will keep the devil at a distant.
WHAT IS SUBMISSION?
"Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord " (Ephesians 5:22).
Firstly, it must be understood that submission doesn't mean inferiority to the man. It doesn't mean slavery or insignificance. It means to yield to or surrender to authority.
Unsubmissive women never make good homes.
Unsubmissive women love to take the lead at home and to insist on their own views.
Unsubmissive women are controllers. They love to control their husbands. They the spirit of Jezebel, a domineering spirit.
SUBMISSION MEANS:
(a) Yieldedness
(b) Humility which means correct self estimation
(c) Willing Obedience.
(d) To put yourself under the mission of your man. It means supporting his mission and vision.
(e) Submission is a way of serving the Lord. "Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husband, as it is fit in the Lord" (Col. 3:18)
IMPORTANCE OF SUBMISSION:
(a) You win the love and affection of your husband. If you want your man to care for you and pamper you, son submit to him.
(b) It will win your husband to God also. (1 Peter 3:1-3).
(c) It secures you the protection and covering of your husband from domestic and external harassment.
- THE LOVE FACTOR
"Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the Church, and gave himself for it " (Ephesians 5:25).
The greatest thing a man can do for his is to love their mother. This gives a sense of security to the children. This responsibility is superior to buying gifts for the children. A child will lose respect for his father if he doesn't see him loving his mother.
How a man treats his wife will also affect how his children rate him and how they treat him as they grow older. And also a man who doesn't love his wife will rate low in God's eyes and may have his offerings and prayers rejected by God. (See 1 Peter 3:7, Malachi 2:13-15).
HOW DO YOU LOVE YOUR WIFE?
Loving a woman goes beyond Intercourse and mere kiss. Infact the scripture never used Intercourse as an expression of God's love.
Paul stated how love is expressed in 1 Corinthians 13 :1-13.
(1) Love Is Patient or Suffers Long :
Are you patient with your wife? Lack of patience is the reason for the physical abuse many women suffers from their husbands. Patience simply means calm endurance of hardship, provocation, delay, etc. It mean tolerant, perseverance or forbearance.
Patience means long-suffering or ability to suffer insults, emotional hurts and wounds without fighting back. This suffering is in the flesh. When the flesh is already dead to such insults, patience becomes easy. A dead man doesn't feel any pain when insulted. He doesn't hear. When the flesh is still alive, patience is hard.
(2) LOVE IS KIND
To be kind is to be friendly, generous, benevolent or gentle, being affectionate or considerate. Are friendly towards your wife or you treat her as an enemy? Are you generous or stingy towards her? Are you gentle or harsh towards her? Unkind men treat their wives harshly and with a domineering attitude, with intimidation, threats and screams.
(3) LOVE DEMONSTRATES GOODWILL
Goodwill is wishing your wife well. It's expecting the best of her. Not thinking evil towards her. Not wishing her to die so you can marry someone else.
(4) FIDELITY
A woman's greatest need from her husband is a sense of monogamy which is the feeling that she is the only one in the life of her husband, no rivals or competitors. This gives her a feeling of security. She feels her position is not threatened.
Many women would bear every insult and assault from their husbands but not the insult and assault of another woman. Infidelity by a man makes lose the trust his wife, and when trust is gone, suspicion sets in.
A man's greatest temptation is the temptation towards the opposite sex.
This temptation is handled by avoiding unholy intimacy and privacy.