Today started the first day of winter and the longest night of the year. As a woman from Arizona, this was THE most welcomed day, ever. If you don't know, daytime Arizona (specifically Southern Arizona) is as hot as the devil's balls 75-90% of the year.
Let me give you a full scope of what I mean...
Midday is a special shit show. No one dares to venture outdoors for this most obvious reason. You time your errands/ shopping to the second as dawn/ dusk and twilight hit. Mainly no cloud cover, hot pavement, hot cars reflecting hot rays. The inside the parked cars literally hot enough to bake cookies (every Arizonian has done this - to great success), hot buildings (in the city) with hot glass reflecting hot sunrays. Walking past an automatic glass door of ANY shop is fucking ambrosia.
Yet, somehow, the buses still take an HOUR to pick you up and if a bus is even 5 mins late or whizzes past you entirely, you can bet your life savings someone has called the line to complain. There is no, "Sorry, didn't see them there!" If you don't see a woman in the sun more baked than Cheech and Chong, clinging to the hot metal flag pole bags, overheating toddler in one arm waiving her bus pass like a flag of surrender... get another job mate. This is obviously not the career path for you.
"Dry heat" my arsehole! In fact, I've thought about paying admission to take a dip in the public pool that is both my cleavage and arsecrack 75-90% of the year in Arizona. Also... I have eczema... you know... just for funzies.
While we're on the topic, I have to give a special shout out to my overactive immune and digestive system for making chorizo, huevos rancheros and guacamole hate me. slow claps Good job guys.
As you can see... winter is a Goddess send for most SW humans, but esp me. Three months out of the year where I'm not couped up in my house, hating the voluptuousness of my corporal form, spread eagle, practically giving a blowjob to my air-conditioning for just five more mins of sweet ice cold heaven. Adam Conover (Host of "Adam Ruins Everything") said it best, "What settled the west was central cooling." FUCK YES! Right there! That's it! Damned the $200+ USD energy bill. I ran that muthafuka 24/7.
SW'ers don't wear more than one, very thin, layer of clothes on any given day. Don't ask if underwear is involved. There's a reason you see more floss in public there than a dentist could ever use in a year. When you're used to max highs of 140F daytime and 100F night, underwear is optional and chanclas are standard footwear.
@OriginalWorks
The @OriginalWorks bot has determined this post by @nadiasilver3 to be original material and upvoted it!
To call @OriginalWorks, simply reply to any post with @originalworks or !originalworks in your message!
I was smiling through this whole thing! I like the way you wrote this. It's all true, but you also make it funny.
I've been to Tucson twice, both times in February. It's above freezing there, and it's like 10 below here in February.
Living there in the summer would probably suck.
It sure does! "What does it have in it's filthy, thieving pockets?!" My paycheck.