In A World Of Mad Trolls, Choose To Be The Person They'd Love To Be

in #lovefriday7 years ago
Trolls look for reasons to hate, but really what they are mad at is the fact they are not included in anything ever.- Dane Cook

That's true, Dane.

When I joined the social media world a bit more than one year ago, I didn't attend a training course of how to deal with mental illness. Maybe that would have been a smart idea.

There are a lot of people out here whose intentions are pretty mad. Now I'm in-between these two options: trying to teach them respect or simply ignoring them.

I chose to follow the middle course!

@surfermarly wearing her statement: Let's change the world

If you know your values, you're unbeatable!

I'm not a skilled psychologist, however after more than one year dealing with social media users I've somehow become one anyways.

My positive experiences on steemit definitely outweigh the negative ones. However, I'm not planning to simply ignore what's happening around and just paint rainbows on the walls.

I was raised as the oldest one of three kids.

As the sister of two brothers I quickly learned how to take a position and also how to defend it respectfully.

The three of us we were all educated to become strong characters that stand up for what they love but also know how to stop what's not right.

Thanks to my background, today I'm not that type of person who backs down when someone starts to offend her.

I'm a generally friendly and kind person, unless you try to challenge that.

There are a lot of insane characters out here, and I have no intention to tolerate their inappropriate behavior. Due to an obvious lack of creativity, they randomly attack other users trying to discover their weak points, finding pleasure in uncovering other people's vulnerability.

That's disgusting.

And it's absolutely not the way I'm supposed to play here. Just for the records, the paragraph no. 1 of the German constitution says:

Human dignity is untouchable.

To me that applies both in real and virtual environments.

At the age of 6 I kicked a friend out of my house who tried to screw me while playing a board game. My mom had never taught me to specifically behave like that, so she was pretty impressed when the door fell shut. I looked up to her and told her with full power of persuasion:

I don't play with cheaters, mommie!

That was the very first time in my life I had put into practice my own values, and I remember that I was proud of having been so consistent.

Our actions need to be consistent with our value system.

Now dealing with assholes online is a new challenge. The rules are different.

In real life I can look them into the eyes, I know how to discuss and how to argue. Online they can simply hide themselves behind their computers, their false identities, their avatars and their illusory world.

It's a malicious game.

These freaks sit down at your virtual table and start to insult the other guests. You can't kick them out of your decentralized house, so how do you politely ask them to leave without losing face?

Again, to ignore them is not an option to me.

Imagine that someone freaked out at your birthday party attacking one of your friends. Would you just stand there and look away then?

It's definitely easier to act as if nothing happened. But is that what we really want? Are we fine with not acting just to not get our hands dirty?

To be honest, I'd always prefer to be that one friend you can rely on in such situtations, the one who doesn't care to step in whatever it takes.

But we live in a society where looking away has become very popular. However, that's not the world I wanna raise my future kids in.

Maybe we can't change all of these freaks, but we can definitely show them their limits.

Since we won't ever be able to fight the source of all anger - which is supposedly a mental distortion as a result to failure, loss or any other trauma - we need to act at the surface and punish behavioral pattern.

Probably their intentions are not even logical, but that's also not our business.

Haters gonna hate.

In my eyes that a cheap excuse. It's as if you said: 'The guy screws up my party, but that's none of my business.'

Maybe we can't cure them, but providing them with a stage makes it even worse.

Now that this is a decentralized system where everybody enjoys the freedom of speech, we can't count them out and shut down their accounts. We need to be a bit smarter.

Be the person they'd love to be

Live the values they will never be able to accomplish, and set a good example.

These people seek meaning since their lives don't have any. What they hate most is not you but your lifestyle. In secret they wish to be like you, but they're unable to accomplish it on the regular way.

Their own limitations tear them down and envy arises.

In the end our smartest weapon in that game is our own happiness and joy.

That's a logical derivation but still not an excuse.

Nobody has ever the right to treat someone else disrespectfully.

At least that's not gonna happen in my blog. Ever.

Peace out,

Marly -

By the way: I submitted this new entry a couple of hours ago but it wasn't recorded on the blockchain. So I lost the whole article and needed to rewrite it again from my memory. This piece of content took me five hours in total, and I really hope you enjoyed it :-)

💙PS: It's #LoveFriday, my favourite initiative on steemit, hosted by the wonderful @liliana.duarte 💙


Thanks for your valuable time!
This blog was launched at the end of July 2016
aiming to provide stories for open-minded
people who enjoy living on the edge of their lives,
stepping out of comfort zones, going on adventure,
doing extreme sports and embracing the new.
Welcome to the too-much-energy-blog!

PS: Don't forget to subscribe to my YouTube channel

Original content. Quotes found on jarofquotes.com, pinterest.com and jarofquotes.com.

Sort:  

Hey @surfermarly

You know what I think? Since the goings on during the middle part of the year, your blogs have just gotten better and better. It's like, during your downtime, you had space to think and were like 'right, I'll show them!'

Seriously, on another level recently!

Thank you for just another episode in the '@surfermarly Steemit consciousness raiser postathon' :D


For many years, I spent a lot of my time on a video chat program. 1000s of users a day would visit a room I was a 'friend', 'moderator', and 'owner' in over 5/6 years. The tools we had there to keep the peace / manage the trolls and haters were much more flexible than what we have here on the Steem Blockchain, via Steemit (and the other tools).

A warning message in a private message (the most subtle)
A warning message in the room (not on the microphone)
A microphone block - 'new topic please' (you are saying something out of order)
A kick with message - That isn't cool here
A 'punish' with message - a 3 day ban with a reason
A ban - For crimes we didn't allow at all

Users could be educated in private, or just wiped off the program in the worst cases.

Here we can ignore/educate/mock/flame/flag. There's really only 1 'action' button, 'Ignore' isn't clever enough to hide all of a users entries (comments)

It's a personal choice on what you choose to do, and personally I'm flitting between the first 4 and always aiming for the first 2.

Stay awesome and have a super weekend! :D

Oh Asher, thank you so much for your lovely intro!

Since the goings on during the middle part of the year, your blogs have just gotten better and better. It's like, during your downtime, you had space to think and were like 'right, I'll show them!'

Maybe it pushed me. Now thinking about it, you may be right :-) The reason for my downtime was another troll. So everything happens for a reason I guess.

That's a great inside and huge help!
And you are aboslutely right: here on steemit we don't have so many tools. The mute button doesn't solve anything. It's like closing your eyes in real life and saying: The problem is gone. That's a bit childish.

Usually I use the private chats to get in contact with people (your no. 1). In the last case I sent a memo with a warning. By now it seems that it helped. The person didn't show up again.

It would be nice having a group of whales who volunteered for helping out in emergency cases. A flag from such a group might have the needed impact. We have so many curation guilds but not only one group of troll hunters. People group for everything her on steemit, why not to protect people from these type of attacks. I guess @steemcleaners have enough to do with their tasks.

Anyways, I will go surfing now and not think only one second about that shit! Haha
Big hugs and enjoy your weekend, too!
It,s always a huge pleasure talking to you :-)

On the internet, you can be anything that you want. It's strange that so many people choose to be stupid.

Yes, this!

It has never ceased to amaze me the kind of behavior and immaturity that comes out when you're on the net.

It's interesting how if you remove the accountability that comes from direct interaction that people immediately show you their true selves. It's one of the many interesting revelations that the internet unintentionally exposed.

Our actions need to be consistent with our value system

I completely agree, and I think the net is a true mirror for that. It's something we've never really had as a species. There's always been the smoke and mirrors of society where people can get away with portraying something they may not be, but the internet has this amazing away of stripping all that away.

We really do get to see people's true value system. It's both a blessing and a curse. Unfortunately, we have to deal with the trolls but on the plus side we also get to reap the rewards of finding amazing people that bring value to our lives as well.

Great post!

Thanks for your great statement, @raised2b! I'm happy you found your way to my blog again and some time to leave a comment, too :-)

It's interesting how if you remove the accountability that comes from direct interaction that people immediately show you their true selves.

There is this saying that his bark is worse than his bite. I bet that applies to many of these people. Meet them online and they're insane. Meet them in person and they're incredibly uninteresting.

Unfortunately, we have to deal with the trolls but on the plus side we also get to reap the rewards of finding amazing people that bring value to our lives as well.

I couldn't have said it any better. As I mentioned in the beginning of my article, the positive experiences definitely outweigh the negative ones. So overall it's a win!

Again, thanks for your valuable thoughts, they're much appreciated!
Enjoy your weekend :-)

Hope you have a wonderful weekend as well! Looking forward to your next share :)

Well said. I struggle with this exact issue. You summed up my problem right here:
"In real life I can look them into the eyes, I know how to discuss and how to argue. "

Exactly. I know how to handle bullies and assholes in real life. But until I found steemit, I avoided social media like the plague. Part of the reason I avoided it is because of this exact issue. I don't think people behave on the internet the same way they behave in public. Could you imagine someone following another person around a video store and swearing and berating them every time the person picked up a movie they didn't like? It would be outrageous! No one would stand for it. If the person doing it were sane, they would feel horribly embarrassed by their behavior. Yet that happens every day on social media (and FAR worse). It's like some people set aside human decency when they get to their keyboard.

That behavior simply does not compute. I don't get it at all. Because I can't wrap my head around it, I can't begin to strategize how to fight it. If you ever figure out an active way to fight this behavior, please let me know. Until then, I will try to be positive and support others.

Oh I love this comment! It really seems that we have the very same point of view on these issues.

Could you imagine someone following another person around a video store and swearing and berating them every time the person picked up a movie they didn't like?

That is almost funny! What about telling a stranger on the streets that she wouldn't ever find a boyfriend if she didn't change anything about her appearance? I read that in a thread on steemit a couple of days ago, not kidding!

I won't ever comprehend it either, and maybe it's better that we don't. It means that we're on a completely different level, and to be honest I like it to be like that :-)

If you ever figure out an active way to fight this behavior, please let me know. Until then, I will try to be positive and support others.

I will, promised!
My strategy is similar. I support and reward the good. However, I try to teach the bad. That is one of the benefits of having a high reputation. Warnings are heard. Most of them don't want to risk their own reputation for being flagged, so things calm down once you precisely show them their limits.

It's the only part I don't like about steemit. But it's OK having unicorns, rainbows and donuts at other places we both know :-)

Have a wonderful weekend!

This post has received a 7.76 % upvote from @lovejuice thanks to: @abh12345. They love you, so does Aggroed. Please be sure to vote for Witnesses at https://steemit.com/~witnesses.

After reading the whole post, I have only one word to describe you better here "The Iron Lady". I loved the way you stand for you since your childhood.

Hahaha, that's a funny nickname! :-)
My dad calls me snake when I resolutely make my way. I guess that's pretty close. Then I tell him: "You educated me to become one." Then he laughs.

Thansk for stopping by. Have a great Sunday!

You indeed are iron lady. I really salute your parents for the great upbringing they have given to you. They must be very proud of you dear.
One thing I want from you a little support here, how to maximize my rewards here and get recognized.

Sorry you lost it and had to re-write it although I'm glad you did! Great post with tons o' truth. My favorite piece of all was " be happy, it drives people crazy." So true but not realized by most. Wisdom in your words my friend and not taken lightly here. Society and tech. has created a bit of a monster and now we have to lay in our bed so to speak. It's o.k. though because what I've learned is if you let someone upset you and negatively effect you emotionally it's nobody's fault but your own. Easier said than done but we each hold this power. It's very simple as well. Cowards, they are, hiding behind their tech. Like flies on the wall to me, no more no less. Sticks and stones right? Enjoyed SF as always!

Oh it drove me crazy when I saw that the block wasn't written into that chain!!! Haha A short moment of UUUAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!! :-D

Then I took a deep breath and started to rewrite it. It's not a perfect copy of the first version, but I think it's even better (and also much more detailed). Everything happens for a reason though :-)

Society and tech. has created a bit of a monster and now we have to lay in our bed so to speak.

Sometimes I think we're not even aware of these problems. All these internet stalking issues... I mean did problems like these exist in real life before we built social media networks? This is not supposed to be a campaign against social media - not at all! - but yes, we created a little monster.

What I've learned is if you let someone upset you and negatively effect you emotionally it's nobody's fault but your own.

Sure. But there is a step between someone trying to attack you and you getting emotionally involved. That's what I meant by showing people their limits.

Thanks for your valuable thoughts, as always I appreciate them very much!
People like you are the reason why I am on steemit.

Have a great Friday, my friend!!! :-)

First off - All my friends are good and they know how to behave during birthday parties. Secondly, we suppose someone misbehaved any of my friends during birthday party, that friend would be capable of handling the situation. Thirdly, if someone does something very insulting to me in a way that I can't do anything about it in front of my family or for whatever reason, I would not spare that person because it would become a normal routine if I did that. I will talk to him and ask him about his problem. If the problem is solved, fine or the person never enter my socialzone again.

We're living in a world full of negativity. Being a caring and kind person, people try to take advantage of me. Ignoring such events leaves me with sense of loss. So, I have stopped being dishonest to me. A negative mind can't create something positive. So, why to act dishonestly and invite this negativity? I think being true and straightforward to others solves many unwanted problems in our lives.

Posting a warning at the end of each of your posts for spammers/trolls will send them a message. Another good thing about Steemit is that you have the downvote option. Use that once and the message will automatically go to rest of the trolls in a very loud and clear way.

By the way, I read it and felt sorry:

By the way: I submitted this new entry a couple of hours ago but it wasn't recorded on the blockchain. So I lost the whole article and needed to rewrite it again from my memory. This piece of content took me five hours in total, and I really hope you enjoyed it :-)

It's pain to losing something and then rewriting it. It requires a lot of courage.

By the way, who does the designing for your posts?

Great post. Thumbs up.

Keep sharing, caring, educating and inspiring. Stay awesome. @surfermarly, You got my unconditional support.

Steem On!

Hey @ugetfundet!
First of all thanks for your lovely words and the great encouragement. Also I enjoyed very much the read of your INFINITE comment :-)

I think being true and straightforward to others solves many unwanted problems in our lives.

That was my favourite part :-) Even though online things are not that easy...

You said that you would talk to the person and try to solve problems like that. Of course, that's how we act in real life situations. But online it's different. You never know WHO that person really is that is sitting at the other extreme of the channel. There is very few room for honesty, and many people take an advantage of that situation.

What do you mean by "design"? The pictures? I do everything on my own. The logo was created by @sjennon.

I'm not a huge fan of warnings, flags and similar tools. But sometimes it's the only way. People need to learn, no matter how old they are.

Have a great weekend!

I second your post @surfermarly , we do have negative people surrounds us , sometimes, we have to treat them right with respect, choose the appropriate words to say, they might be insecure with what you achieved. Keep shining anyway, your stunning because you accomplished something that is beyond your level. Keep inspiring @surfermarly <3 :))

Thanks for your lovely encouragement, @fernwehninja!
I guess it's always about insecurity. Online (behind their computers) they feel strong.
That's what makes the battle unfair.

I'll always shine no matter what :-)
Have a wonderful weekend!

Trolls love the attention to them, especially when they get the attention through comments that offend the author of the post they comment, or others who comment on the same post. And in the case of Haters, not necessarily only on the internet, it can be anyone with vicarious hatred towards any other person who considers him different, such as can be Racists ...

Sometimes ignoring them may be the most practical solution, although there are situations in which it is acceptable to ban these users, and thus prevent them from continuing to grind (at least with the same username)

Thanks for sharing @surfermarly

regards

Sometimes ignoring them may be the most practical solution, although there are situations in which it is acceptable to ban these users, and thus prevent them from continuing to grind (at least with the same username).

Yeah, that's exactly the fine line I was referring to in the beginning.
I'm a generally kind person, so I also don't want them to convert me into a flagging madwoman :-D That would be completely against my above mentioned values. It's hard to find the right path.

I guess I will be thinking about that a couple of days more...

Thanks for your valuable thoughts!
Have a great weekend :-)

Love it. What an awesome post. There are always those out t here trying to be negative and it really is up to us not to sink to their levels.

Thank you, @whistlejacket!
That's it. We need to keep up the spirit :)
Have a pleasant weekend!

@surfermarly always great to read your posts, full of words that make a gentleman think......wish you a blessed weekend

Thank you @charles1! I'm happy to hear that. Enjoy your weekend, gentleman :-)

You are welcome my dear one-always and more success to you.

yes truly true .. be happy its a big slap on those people who hurts you and many people change and be nice because they tired to hurt us and then think that how can we smile ? how can we happy ? and how can be good they to us even we doing bad for them ..
so keep smiling ..
you are great writer and thank you to share this :)

Thanks for your encouragement @ariba! :-)

your welcome :)
you such a good person :)
love love~~ yepiii

Thanks for sharing this emotional letter to us, i really agree with you ,i'm fulll of emotions right now and thinking of life.
We live in a world that has never been such at peace as it is today. But still nations invest in arming themselves and preparing for the inevitable “next war”, individuals get bombarded each day through the media by images and sounds of guns going off, of mothers crying after their children. We tell our children than they should protect themselves, that the boogeyman is always just behind the corner masked as a Muslim, Christian, masked as the people you don't understand what you don't like And we then wonder why children start shooting their colleagues.

We live in a world that has invented the telephone, internet, social media so that people can communicate easier. But we have never felt so alone and out-of-touch as we do today. Hidden behind the screens of our computers, tablets, Smartphones, we feel alienated from what the world has to offer. We have stopped looking at nature a long time ago and we have started destroying it without thinking about the consequences.

We live in a world that prides itself through the work of geniuses. Their work is promoted in order to inspire and enliven us, to guide and help us realize our full potential. But we ridicule them, treat them as pariahs of the society. And we let mediocrity rule the way our lives turn out.

We live in a world that gives birth to great leaders. But we let ourselves be ruled by a small group of politicians that take the vote of many and make it insignificant. They have the power to change our lives, but they don`t. And we continue to support them considering that we have no alternative.

We live in a world that has created beautiful music, inspiring literature and breathtaking sceneries. But we continue to spend our days trapped behind a desk eight hours a day, dreaming of things that we could do differently in our lives instead of doing those things. We dream of wealth, we dream of happiness, we dream of conquering the world and changing its fate. But we never walk down the path that could lead to those dreams becoming reality.

Hey @niniviolet!
Thanks for your comment. You have a quite negative view on the world. I hope you're OK.

But we have never felt so alone and out-of-touch as we do today. Hidden behind the screens of our computers, tablets, Smartphones, we feel alienated from what the world has to offer. We have stopped looking at nature a long time ago and we have started destroying it without thinking about the consequences.

That's a bit extreme. I mean yes, there are a lot of people who don't leave their houses anymore, sitting 24 hours in front of their computers. However, a couple of years back they were sitting in front of the TV and before that they were probably sitting there anyways doing whatever.

There is this saying that the weapon doesn't make the killer. You could say that all these devices have changed our world, but it's not like that. We created them.

People who have weak personalities will always behave in strange ways, no matter the tools you provide them. Social media is not the problem, the problem are these sick people.

We dream of wealth, we dream of happiness, we dream of conquering the world and changing its fate. But we never walk down the path that could lead to those dreams becoming reality.

Well I can't speak for anybody else here, but I'm right now on that path - or better said: I was on that path :-)

Not every social media user is a mad freak. We have to be careful when generalizing such things.

Again thanks for your valuable thoughts!
Wishing you a great weekend :-)

Be my Jennifer :)

My whole life I wanted to be a Jennifer!

hahahaha!

Great humour on your blog today!

p.s. need more time to respond to your uber reply above, thank you! :D

LOL - I was dying when I read this one, haha :-D
I want it to be like that always!!!

I find it interesting, but not surprising, how most of these answers have selected "a person who loves you."

This choice supports what is known in sociology as the principle of least interest. The principle states that the person who is least invested in the intimate relationship has the most power. This is because the person who wants the relationship will be more willing to make compromises and sacrifices to keep the relationship going. Least interested or most indifferent=most powerful.

Several answerers have explained their choice by saying that they could grow to love the person they're with. This also has to do with power in a relationship. You want your feelings to develop on your own terms, within your own control. Like Anurup Datta said in his answer, someone on the other side of the fence would be tormented by doubts about his/her partner's feelings (or lack of feelings).

Being in a relationship with someone you love when they do not love you is a very vulnerable position and will only lead to pain. Therefore, I would choose to be with someone who loves me even if I don't love them. It may not be the most honorable choice, but it is a human one.

P.S. This makes me think of this song:

I'm really sorry, but I'm trying to find any link between my article and your comment and I can't find it :-D

Like Anurup Datta said in his answer

Who?
Maybe you copied that into the wrong chat window...? Haha

😂

I can hear you laughing, haha
Enjoy your weekend, Asher!!!

laughing even more now - my least thought out comment (an emoticon and no more!) goes and gets a gentlebot UV! LOL! you toooo!

I saw this!!! Epic 😅😅😅

Did you see the comment from marty.mcfly and my answer?
Just in case you wanted to laugh again... hahaha

Very good post my friend. Thank for sharing and successful for you @sufermarly

Thank you

You are welcome my friend 😊

Is this problem happening on steemit or in chats?

Which problem? :-)
I intentionally didn't refer to any specific event. That's just a general thought. It could apply to many :-)

I was asking where you get trolling. I'm lucky not to be getting any, but I have heard of it in the chats and got a couple of spammers when I tried going in myself. Steemit's been pretty clean for me in comparison to a couple other places I post.

Steemit's been pretty clean for me in comparison to a couple other places I post.

Absolutely. That's especially the case because we're all doing a good job in educating negative people. We're all in charge to keep it like that!

I have been dealing with assholes in chats and on the platform. Actually it doesn't matter where they appear. I don't tolerate them at all :-)

I like that the big guys come in and stamp down the bad in real time. Other places allow it to build up. This is a good strength here :)

People who still have not started using steemit will definetly regret their whole life

Dear @surfermarly, nicely written topics about mad and ill minded people, your ideas and suggestions are awsome, thanks for sharing informative and much impressive article, I support your thinking, keep it up,,, ,,,FOLLOW,,,..

Very good post my friend. Thank for sharing!! good one @surfermarly followed and upvoted

Ah, Marly,

You need to use your words but you also need to save your words with an offline editor! ;) Make it a habit, it will save you lots of time when Steemit drops all the bits on the floor!

I am a firstborn also.
I choose the middle road also... Always hoping to find one of those "bad commenters" who can be rescued from futility.

Steem on, Dear!

😄😇😄

@creatr