#1 quality, fertility. That is if he wants children. What most men don't realize is that we can get about anything we want in life by being successful. The mating dance humans display is extremely complicated. It is further complicated by a woman's deception. The right clothing and makup can turn an ugly duckling into a swan. The exposure of the Hollywood casting couch is a good example of how both men and women manipulate each other. An ugly producer gets another notch in his headboard and a starlet gets a million dollar contract. I think that this example is played out in many relationships. There's a reason they call it the oldest occupation. Not to say that both participants don't benefit from an equitable arrangement. Both have a more secure existence if a true commitment is made. I wish I knew all of this when I was younger, perhaps I did but the delusion of romantic love clouded my thinking and the desire to reproduce fed that flames that ended up burning up us both. The state contract is easily broken and in the end probably cheapens the commitment because both parties know this.
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I like your point but do you think that most men ask a woman is she capable and desires to have kids early on? That seems like a question that gets going later after a relationship might be established. Not really sure there. And most guys do not have enough money to lure a woman to him but you see some pretty plain guys with beautiful women all the time. Men definitely get their judgement clouded and so do women leading to lots of divorces.
Many of date begin on dating sights. Most profiles include question about marriage, children, etc. One question you can use is: "do you believe in love at first sight?". It seems a harmless question but it revieals important information. Is your prospect a realist or idealist. Another caution to consider, especially if you have money, is that some tell you what they think you want to hear. You must remember that all relationship's are investments. Some pay, some cost. It's your decision when to call it quits. Having an open eye to this can direct you to healthy relationships. I have found that people who live in reality are easier to relate with. I can speak honestly with them, find their expectations of me and negotiate weather or not I can meet those demands. The opposite applies as well. Life is short, too short to waste is distructive endeavors. Time lost can never be recouped. Sounds cold I know but saying no, especially to yourself is freeing.
I agree with you that all relationships are an investment and we all need to look at it that way. However it is an investment that is difficult to determine sometimes whether it will pay off or not. The key is as you say, to be honest with yourself about you and the person you are dating. This way you never really get surprised. Speaking as someone who has been in a ling term relationship and am exceptionally happy, I can say it all comes down to communication. We are very different in age, culture and many other things, but we have an agreement to talk about whatever is bothering us. It took some time to get this to really happen but now it works. Mostly because we both respect each other and want the relationship to be on solid ground. And also we are clear about what we each want and what the other wants. And finally, what the other wants we each want for that person. Not easy but the alternative which is getting ont he dating merry go round, is much more challenging in my humble opinion.