Surely you have read and heard several people say that self-love is a fundamental pillar to start or continue any project. And it's true. This concept is a kind of magic key that opens every door. It helps you avoid or overcome depression, addiction, marital problems, family conflicts, work conflicts and many others.
Self-love is the king in the infinite garden of human emotions. There is no doubt about that. The worst thing is that if you are one of the people who have had very difficult experiences, such as lack of love in childhood, abuse, harassment and similar situations, you will never understand how to make self love stop being just a beautiful expression.
"A man can not feel comfortable without his own approval."
Strictly speaking, you have strong self-love if you have come into the world as a result of the desire for you to exist. But you must also have had an emotionally healthy mother, united by the love of a father who is also mentally healthy. This, of course, should keep anyone stable, at least during early childhood. Is it your case?
Certainly many said no. Who do not quite understand why they were designed. That his parents could be anything but emotionally healthy people. That his childhood was lived full of happy moments, but also with needs, mistreatment and, sometimes, enormous traumas. That is why self-love seems to them a bit more than a utopia: beautiful, but unreachable.
Self-love is not "guilty" or "present" of anything
It is an unpleasant phrase because it does not stop giving back to us the responsibility that we have deposited one day in another place, in another
person. It is tempting to blame others for what happens to us. And the list of possible culprits begins with our parents. Oh, if they had ... or if they had stopped doing it ... We would be so different if they had been wonderful! But have you ever wondered what their own story was like? How had your grandparents been with them? Is it worth rejecting all the generations that have gone before us?
The usual thing is that parents with little self-love do not pass it on to their children. They wanted the opposite, but they could not give what they did not have. It sure happened to their parents. The chain goes on forever until someone, in some generation, decides to put an end to the series, ending the wound. The most advisable is to do this through therapy, but there are also other ways that contribute.
Whatever path to take is valid, as long as it leads to the repair of a self-love destroyed. But the best way to start this task is to give up blaming others. It takes courage and greatness to do that. Generates a certain discomfort. However, it is also a way to break the strongest link in the chain, which will not let you advance.
Give value to small details
Perhaps you have imagined that if you won an important prize, such as a Nobel Prize, your self-love would have the nutrient you need to be strong. Or if someone discovered that you are a misunderstood genius. Or if you were loved, so you did not need any proof. Or if everyone manifested their gratitude and the world stopped when you had a difficulty.
Fantasies that include great self-exaltations are common in those who have little self-love. In a way, they do not want less than that, and sometimes they think that the more discreet achievements are worthless. What they are forgetting is what all great achievement is the fruit of gigantic efforts, composed of small achievements. It is these small advances that give enough strength to continue.
The great works of the human being are made basically of perseverance. In turn, persistence is a characteristic that only occurs in a heart where there is self-love. The efforts of
large dimensions require enormous willpower. And when there is low self-esteem, the first victim is willpower. See? Everything becomes a vicious circle.
Hence the importance of learning to value small achievements. Please do not neglect what you do well each day. Do not demean your efforts, be they big or small. Sometimes simply going on with your day takes a lot from you. If you can finish it, be sure to recognize it. Fight against this voice that strives to blame you and criticize you for everything. You are the first person who has the obligation to value who you are and what you do. Think about it.
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