When Anthony kisses me I find the stars and live among them. I'm not ready for this. I'm not ready.
He's at the door right now and I know if I open it he will sweep me into a kiss and, god, I love him but I'm not ready.
I don't understand how this could have happened. I've been so careful, haven't I? With my heart? But he's at the door and when he's not there sometimes I stand next to it willing him to show up, that grin on his face.
He's so warm. When he holds me it's like roasting marshmallows over a bonfire. It's like sorting Halloween candy. It's a promise because he knows when to hold me tighter and when to back away. Anthony understands when I retract that it's not about him. He knows when I cry that it is over memories he had no part in. He knows when I scream that I am reliving those days of someone else hurting me.
"I'm here," he whispers and he stays.
I don't want to open the door because someday he might not stay. I can't fall in love because I don't deserve to. It wouldn't be fair to Anthony. He'll figure that out.
He's knocking again and my hand is on the knob. He knows I'm here. We can hear each other breathing. If I don't answer, he'll forgive me. If I do, he'll love me. I can't let him love me.
He taps softly, almost sadly and my hand starts turning the knob without my permission. What must my face look like? I'm so scared. But here he is, stepping through the door and saying, "It's okay," while I melt into his arms and cry until he kisses me. I rise up against his lips. I need this. I don't want to need this.
He wraps me up in his love and I'm safe above it all in the stars.
If you enjoyed this, you can find more of Dani's story here:
Solitary Chill
Calculated Risk
Total Immersion
Promise of the Unexpected
Dangerous Waters
Talking with Leaves
Candy Corn
image via pixabay.com