αγάπη
This is the day of the year most single people dread to show up for them and yet again unable to find someone to love, or worse needing someone to love them. While all of their attached friends, co-workers, or family are talking about what they are going to do. The MSM and all the stores, restaurants, bars, pubs, and clubs are gearing up for it. What is Love?
The ancient Greeks, as many know or don't know, had 8 words for love. It may help us with our awareness journey as often we don't understand our own love language or get confused about the various ideas, opinions, and cultural believes about love.
Agape:
Thought by some of the Ancient Greeks as the highest form of love. And is used in ancient texts to denote feelings for one's children and the feelings for a spouse. Also it has a deeper spiritual meaning of love to the deity or deities that they worshipped or spiritual love of life and other Earthlings. Could also be called selfless love but IMO nothing is really selfless. Unless you do something that you had no idea what you were doing was giving love to someone or benefiting them some way.
Pragma:
A model of love as two people may demonstrate during a lengthy marriage.
Philia:
Can mean "affectionate regard, friendship", usually "between equals". It is a dispassionate virtuous love, a concept developed by Aristotle. is expressed variously as loyalty to friends (specifically, "brotherly love"), family, and community, and requires virtue, equality, and familiarity.
“Ludus” or Playful Love:
Ludus is connected to Eros, it is more then that. We might call it “Puppy Love” today, affection between to young lovers. It might be also the early stages of falling in love, feeling the fluttering heart, flirting, teasing, and feelings of euphoria. That Playfulness is often forgotten in long term relationships and is the secret to keeping those relationships going with the childlike innocences of your love for each other alive, exciting and interesting.
Storge:
May mean tenderness, love, affection and especially of parents and children Storge is the common or natural empathy, like that felt by parents for offspring, or all young kids, for young mammals that are considered ”cute”.
Eros
This is the one often that is often used by people as an umbrella for all eight.
Passionate love, Strong physical and/or emotional attraction and feelings of euphoria and stereotypical of romantic love. Lovers and philosophers are all inspired to seek truth through the means of Eros. Socrates argue that Eros helps the soul recall knowledge of beauty, and contributes to an understanding of spiritual truth, the ideal "Form" of youthful beauty that leads us humans to feel erotic desire – thus suggesting that even that sensually based love aspires to the non-corporeal, spiritual plane of existence; that is, finding its truth, just like finding any truth, leads to transcendence.
Mania or Obsessive Love:
This type of love is a love that often leads a partner or partners into a type of madness and obsessiveness. If there is an imbalance between Eros and Ludus it can occur in any relationships.
If a person loses their own self-worth in a relationship, or starts to suffer poor self-esteem, this can lead to Mania and feeling as though they are desperate for the love of their partners.
Philautia:
It is self love or love for one's own self.
What I believe is the most important one is because it can rescue someone out of a Mania Love affair that can lead to codependency. As I understand the Greeks understood that in order to Love others, we must first learn to Love care for ourselves. I'm not talking about Vanity or self-obsession, or one who in a ego focused fame, gain, and fortune such as one who is a narcissist.
I'm eluding to,“self-compassion” which is the deep understanding that only once you have the strength to love yourself and feel comfortable in your own skin, will you be able to provide love to others. As Aristotle put it, “All friendly feelings for others are an extension of a man’s feelings for himself.”
This brings me to my focus for the blog today. It very difficult to love fully anyone else if you can't love all of yourself. I see people every day who wonder if anyone will love them. The reason is that they have forgot to love the most important person. Themselves. You reading this know what I mean if you haven't felt it or experienced it. You have seen it in others.
I spent many years thinking I loved myself and in some ways did, but I really hated a lot about myself. I didn't like lot my behaviours, thoughts and feelings. The way I looked, how poor I was, that I wasn't successful and how I acted like such a loser most of the time. Of course I'm talking about my shadow. I did and still continue to do my shadow work and we all have one. If you don't have a shadow then you are standing in complete darkness. Like the “Hero's Journey” as Joseph Campbell, an American mythological researcher, wrote a famous book entitled The Hero with a Thousand Faces.
We must journey inside and find the dragons/demons who lurk deep within our subconscious and soul. Then we must not slay them, but simply bring them to light. Look at them and understand that they are and play a very important role in your life.
That we must receive our demons. Bring them to the light of our conscious mind. Then we must love them and see that they are part of you and that in brining your love to them you can accept them as part of who you really are, not the mask you been wearing all this time. Begin to focus on who you want to become and use your dragons/Demons to forge a new and more empowered you!
Now these dragon/demons come in all sorts of ways. It could come in the form of poor self image such as me. I hated myself because I was so fat, but it could be many other things like your too short, tall, your penis is too small, your breast not the right size, you don't have 6 pack Abbs, your bald or getting there, you have bad teeth, your behaviours are weird, you don't fit in with your peers, co-workers or family, you think you a slutty, think your mean and cruel, or you ass is to fat.
What ever it is, the feelings and thoughts you are having about it are in you! Sure we have the outside propaganda and influence programming us and our friends, family and co-workers as well. But it comes down to the feelings are in you, and the only way to address this is to understand them and be conscious of where they come from. Bring them to the light of your love and see them for what they are... False evidence appearing real. Your inner fears.
If you can see that, you taking a step in the right direction to bringing that love you have in you already. That love you been searching for was not outside of you it was right there with you the whole time. You just didn't see it for yourself ;)
So your single, and yes I feel it too because I find this time of year the pressure and expectation to make a love connection with someone comes down on us like a ton of bricks.
I say fuck that shit!! I'm not going to give control to the Media, Stores, Bar, Pubs, Restaurants, the Entertainment Industry, society, friends, co-workers, or family get in the way of my own self-love vibration. I love my self unconditionally and fully as I can.
I'm taking myself out on dam amazing date and I'm going to love me as much as I can. I love being single, and if someone wants me to change that they had better bring their A level love to me because I'm no longer going to settle for less and I worth a lot!
Go out for a drive, book a reservation at your favourite restaurant. Order your favourite meal. Get go to a theatre and see that movie you really want to.
Go out dancing and dance by yourself and like now one is is watching. Go to an art gallery, or art opening. Take ride on your bike and pack a picnic basket and go to your favourite park. Take your pet with you unless it is a fish:)
Take yourself to the mall and go shopping and buy yourself something you always wanted. Go to a love shop and buy yourself a toy or outfit you like.
If you're on a budget, make yourself a nice dinner, pick a movie you love and big batch of popcorn and a warm comforter and snuggle up with a nice stuffy, pet, or toy ;) Get out the candles and light up your bathroom and fill that tub with a hot bubble bath and relax with a great book that you been putting off reading. And listen to your favourite music.
Do what every your heart leads you to do that is doing self love for you.
Now if your attached, I'm so sorry for you. Just kidding.
What can you do to make it special and really connect with that person. Again Love yourself deeper. Find out what is your “Love Language”. If you don't know what that is, you are in for a treat!
We have many different Love languages but we like the Greeks have some general ones that we go to all the time. In understanding yours and your lovers you can better connect this Valentines Day and get to a deeper and closer relationship with each other. There is said to be five Love languages all though there maybe some we have not discovered yet.
- Words of Affirmation: Expressing affection through spoken affection, praise, or appreciation.
- Acts of Service: Actions, rather than words, are used to show and receive love.
- Receiving Gifts: Gifting is symbolic of love and affection.
- Quality Time: Expressing affection with undivided, undistracted attention.
- Physical Touch: It can be sex or holding hands. With this love language, the speaker feels affection through physical touch.
Now if you can find out or discover your mates love language then you can deepen your relationship with them. Understanding each others is a easy and great way to improve your love language. I'm not going to go into detail as there are many books out there you can find about it already.
I'm wishing every one a Happy Valentines Day, and keep taking those steps on your Journey!
