Love. We all know it when we feel it. But what is love, exactly?
When I was 15, I asked Lisa, a dear family friend and mentor, what she thought love was. She said, "love is how much you are willing to sacrifice." Her idea shocked me at the time, and it totally changed what I thought love was, or could be.
I've since come to think of her idea as a combination of motherly love and Catholic love. Moms make incredible sacrifices, all the time. As a non-parent, I am still learning to appreciate the scope and depth of what my mom has done for me.
Who made the biggest sacrifice of all? Jesus. Maybe not a "mom" in the technical sense, but according to the bible Jesus gave his life for all God's children. Does it get more epic than that?
I'm not religious, but I really admire Lisa and how her sense of love and religion translates into action. Her love is in everything she does, from her mothering to her volunteer work at homeless shelters.
Though my idea of love is different than hers, Lisa's expression of love hugely influenced me. It introduced me to the idea of measuring love through action, which I will explore more in depth in a future post.
What is love, for you? What experiences have shifted your idea of what love is, or could be?
I think there are infinite ways of experiencing, understanding, and expressing love. I would love to hear about how you relate to love, so I'm making the hashtag #dimensionsoflove, and I'm going to try to post regularly about different kinds of love. If you post in #dimensionsoflove, feel free to link here-- I don't want to miss it!
Dimensions of love #2 is about trying to measure love, the difficulties that can arise, and when doing so is useful and when it's not. #3 is about the love of difference, love of language, and love of the infinite
PS the picture at top is a dreamy-eyed friend I love dearly. He's about to be a father! And I'm about to be an uncle! He has told me that, as he contemplates his coming fatherhood, he feels both incredible joy and incredible grief; joy for this new life, and grief for letting go of the idea of the life he thought he would have. This, I think, is an example of "sacrificial love."
Love of my offspring, was a huge eye opener for me. I love my little one, well she's not so little anymore. I don't consider anything that I have done with/for her a sacrifice at all. I didn't have to grow to love her. It was something that I felt, this overwhelming rush of warmth and wonder and a truth in myself that I knew I would protect her and prepare her to deal with the world I brought her into. I wouldn't coddle her or shield her from the ugly, instead I would talk about all aspects of life with her, I wouldn't stump her development with lies and false pretense. I would give her the tools to be able to navigate this life. I would teach her to live her life with this in mind "treat others as you want to be treated." Having a child opened my eyes to how my parents loved me and how I could never take that for granted again.
Beautiful. I'm amazed to hear that it never feels like a sacrifice. How old is your daughter now? What have you learned about loving as a parent as she gets older?
She's a teenager now. There isn't anything new to learn as she gets older. My love hasn't changed one bit for her. It's constant the only difference is me just broadening her thinking, with heavier subject matter that I think she can handle. No it never feels like a sacrifice, because I chose to have her. With that decision I already loved her. I've sacrificed nothing. When I love someone there isn't a sacrifice, I am not giving up anything, I am gaining.
"When I love someone there isn't a sacrifice, I am not giving up anything, I am gaining."
Wonderful when it happens like this. Would you say this of all your loving relationships - family, lovers, friends, etc? Is this something that having your daughter changed for you?
I definitely resonate, and I try to prioritize relationships where "sacrifices" are really gains, but I feel like I do sacrifice from time to time for my loved ones, that I will do something I don't really want to, or give up something in order to care for them, or ride out some hard times that don't feel positive in the moment.
Yes having my daughter helped me along in not being selfish and enabled me to notice love. Love that I had taken for granted before. My family, I love them and anything I do for them purely comes from love. That isn't a sacrifice in my reality. We all have things we don't want to do, I view this as experiences, or maybe in that particular moment I just didn't feel like doing anything. Romantic Love I've recently discovered about 3 years ago. It's the same with him. Sure sometimes I don't want to do some of the things I need to do, or there's a step in our life that I'm not too convinced about, but I trust him and so we go forth. I don't view those things as a sacrifice, more like a step out of my comfort zone, if it works great, and if it doesn't it's an experience that I can call upon when we are faced with a similar issue in the future. Life is both negative and positive. We can't have one without the other. However, I appreciate them both and sacrifice doesn't feel like the right word in my reality to associate with my love.
Cool. Thank you for sharing so much of your personal experience.
Anytime, I like to talk about my experiences and hear other's as well. I'm always interested in what shapes a person. This was Pretty Cool jaredwood :)
LOVE !!! Love I believe can only be expressed either by nature, animals or some extremely exceptionable human beings. Yes, not even by most parents because most of them keep their conditions and expectations on children. expectations are selfish, and love can't be so. Love can't be conditional either. We people have a very wrong definition about love I must say and I took a step to help them open their eyes by writing about it. Then I came across your post. May be you can get some ideas for your "kinds of love" from this poem of mine. Also, what Lisa told you helped you stay on the right track when it comes to love. But there is much more that remains folded. Here I unfold it to you :- SPURIOUSNESS OF TRUE LOVE. ENJOY my friend. God bless you !
Thanks! Excited to read your poem and to dive deeper into your ideas about love. Curious to hear more about how you see that nature expresses love.
For now, a question: if nature expresses love, and humans are part of nature, why is it so hard for humans to express the love you describe?
For my part, I am not sure that I believe that love is only expressed by truly exceptional human beings. I think everybody expresses love in their own way. It sounds to me like you are articulating a very high ideal of love that few achieve in practice. Personally, I think there are infinite kinds of love and ways of expressing it, which is why I want to hear more about particular approaches and experiences that lead to unique expressions, or "kinds of love" or "dimensions of love."
Probably I need to read your poem to understand your viewpoint better, so I will be happy to do that :)
Good question ! I believe we are an evolved species having ego in addition which keeps all our understanding of love and nature submerged deep inside us.
You must've read my poem until now as I saw your reply there. Sorry for checking this one a bit late. I also wrote an article about the same topic if you want to have a look. Would be interested in your "kinds of love" series. Keep sharing it with us all :)
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Love of my offspring, was a huge eye opener for me. I love my little one, well she's not so little anymore. I don't consider anything that I have done with/for her a sacrifice at all. I didn't have to grow to love her. It was something that I felt, this overwhelming rush of warmth and wonder and a truth in myself that I knew I would protect her and prepare her to deal with the world I brought her into. I wouldn't coddle her or shield her from the ugly, instead I would talk about all aspects of life with her, I wouldn't stump her development with lies and false pretense. I would give her the tools to be able to navigate this life. I would teach her to live her life with this in mind "treat others as you want to be treated." Having a child opened my eyes to how my parents loved me and how I could never take that for granted again.
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