Coronet

Warmth. I no longer feel lost.
I swell up like a balloon.
Finish your sentence. Learning to speak properly means learning to finish sentences. Say what you mean. But how can you ever know what you mean to me?

There is a wealth of things unknown between the head of my spine and my coccyx. My vertebrae touch and swell in space. Take up. All of us need something. I get cold feet and blame the floor.

Coming into people, I expected would change me, but eventually, it only taught me to feel less shame when I detach and stand on my own. I feel more at ease not belonging. I can't help wondering if it's me is or just that the people I belonged with disintegrated. I've forgiven hurt, but I can't forgive you for making me feel jagged.

Take comfort in an older man's voice. It took growing myself back and returning to this room with fresh eyes to see how small I was when I first came here. Wore you (my Medea's gown) so tight around my body, I'm surprised anyone even recognizes me.

Cherisher.
The blight of distance. Body of dissonance.
A largeness of self I struggle to grasp
I never know how
(the parts come into wholeness)
How my body aches for itself
When I try to keep it apart.
I am made to be upright
But only when untrue to self.
I am mad to be upright.

Door that was closed, thought I couldn't keep open afterwards. That I am not large enough. That seeing how beautiful you are, I either take you whole or close myself. But I am finding such openness. I'm learning I can keep open long enough for beauty to accaparate me. A door that now I can not close. I never thought that could be the case when you jammed it shut. I never thought.

Sometimes, it's easier to keep apart than to meet each other in the universe. When that is, I remember my partner's touch.